only a little emo.
currently listening to: Bu Yuan [Elva Xiao]

i have no idea how to post a youtube video on this new blogger.
and i'm hating it!!!!

w-inds. new PV hanamuke is out already ne~~!!
and i can't post it up?!?!?!
*curse*curse*curse*

YOU HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO VISIT THE BELOW LINK.
http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/rkIS1OHwAEA/
SINCE I CAN'T POST IT UP.

anyways.

the PV's really got a sad touch to it lah. the song, the people, the scenery... huah everything is so sombre. a few scenes remind me of 'Pieces' though the atmosphere is entirely different. for a devoted w-inds. fanatic like me, this PV is really a very different (and also a rather significant) change in their style. and the last scene where they all turned and walked away... i got really really sad cuz it's like the last thing i ever want to see... okay maybe it's just the song getting into me.

haiii. a little emo.

life has been starting at around 4pm for me over the last few days and it has something to do with me sleeping at 4-5am every morning lah, doing whatever that comes to my mind. i'm finally getting the idea that this is how it is like to rot and slack. it would be okay if it's just for a few days, but i guess i've reached my limit.

i'm rotting, i'm getting fat and i can feel the mould growing on me.

before you start accusing me of being a loner or a slacker with no intention of getting a job, i have to first declare that job-hunting is over and all my friends are either happily mugging their time away in their schools or enjoying their work or ns experience somewhere and i can't expect them to keep me company everyday can i. it doesn't make sense to make someone rot together with you too.

work for me starts next month at my mum's office and it feels strange actually. after all the dressing up for job interviews during the job hunting period, i got a job through my mum's connections. not that i'm very unhappy with the job but... okay my english is really going down the drain. i can't word my thoughts.

it takes alot to be able to grow out of your sanctuary, especially if you are weak-willed. maybe i should consider just flying off somewhere and then finally get the sense that i have to be on my own. but still, there would be the big question mark as to whether i would be able to survive on my own. a job interview at my mum's office (another one) recently really seriously dampened all my thoughts about finally growing up and achieving things for myself. i can't believe how badly i fouled it up, and it was under my mum's recommendation too. a sore reminder that i'm just an average among the many better averages, or maybe even less of an average among them all. i have no wish to be anyone big, but i can't even get a job for myself and this makes the latter assumption seem to be more of a fact than an assumption. my self-confidence has now hit rock bottom.

reminds me of the time when huichun said that she can't imagine me working. i am starting to understand the statement. haiii. 原来你都知道。

and perhaps it is due to such feelings that i am suddenly developing a tremendous fear of receiving my results in march. i know my GP's definitely gone from the fact that i exceeded my summary by like 25++ words and didn't have time to submit even an average AQ, and on top of that: i did the technology question. so getting a B4 will be the greatest blessing that someone up there has ever given me; ie, i think it's a C.

what will happen if i foul up the A levels? not getting all As already kicks you out of the best deals, getting a crap mark for GP narrows it down by a unbelievably wide margin, and if you foul it all up no one will have anything to say to you. perhaps many will say that academics are not everything. true, but you can't deny that academics is the entry ticket to everything that you might have to use your EQ for in the future. i'm not a pessimist, and i like to daydream alot too, and this proves that you don't need a realist to recognise these hard facts.

there's more to life.
something i repeat to myself very often recently.
but i can't reach them.
i would like to add the 'yet' behind very much.

haiii. a little emo still.

okays, first driving lesson tomorrow and i hope i don't bang like someone did on his first day with his first car in the carpark while adjusting his air-con today.

i've told the whole world you've got your license so they'll figure it out.
*sniggers*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。