a break from mugging III

currently listening to: Far Away [Nickelback]

okay this can't really be considered 'a break from mugging' anymore cuz i'm gonna fall asleep any moment right now.

oh well. i realised that i'm so not going to make it for the common tests, which explains the late night that i'm having now. i know people will be going, "nah you must be kidding. you can't make it? you mug everyday!"

i've heard this SO many times.

but this is so not true. i think i've said this a dozen times before: completing your homework does not equate to being hardworking. the term 'hardworking' entails so much more than just being able to hand in your assignments on time. and completing my homework is the only thing i've been doing since the new year began (and it's may already). well, other than these 2 weeks of hardcore mugging for the CTs, the only thing i've been doing for the rest of the half year is... schoolwork. *sobx*

so i'm totally unable to catch up with my revision right now. ESPECIALLY FOR CLA, the subject that i've been neglecting for the past one year and a half. bleh. too 'confident' of my chinese results maybe. after taking a good look (finally) at the CLA textbooks today, i have come to the conclusion that the textbooks are rather... useless.

half the book is filled with examples and narrations and quotes. i can hardly find analysis anywhere, especially for the mai mai drama. i can have one whole paragraph with only one line that is not in quotes, and that line is the one that sums all the quotes up. tell me just how am i suppose to analyse. *curses*

and some of the points i can't really agree with them, and others i can't even understand what they are trying to say. they go about narrating and putting words such that they flow fluently, but i can't really see the point that they are trying to make. their analysis is so so very different from english literature. well... they sort of resemble mr reynold's kind of analysis, if you get what i mean.

when i flip over to the model essays, i find the contents of the entire book staring back into my face. it seems like you only have to memorise all four books and then regurgitate them in essay form and tada~ you get the results, which is something i can't really agree with, and this makes me really worried about the CLA standard in tpjc. if you can get >16/20 for an essay by copying all the contents of the textbook, then EVERYONE will be wanting to take CLA cuz EVERY STUDENT in singapore is good at memorizing textbooks. so everyone who takes CLA will be aceing the literature paper at the A levels.

there must be something more than just textbooks. but i don't seem to be getting any of it from tpjc at all. henry low is reading from the textbook during lectures, and the content that we came up with for our student presentations are all copied from the textbooks. EVERYTHING IS FROM THE TEXTBOOK. how can this be?

weird thing is that, when i finally find essays that are truly arguing and analysing the extract instead of just copying the textbook, they are always graded below 14 marks. and this makes me really really worried.

but maybe that's an exaggeration since the only CLA extract that i managed to scrutinize today is the mai mai drama. god. i haven't touched any of the other extracts. i'm so not gonna make it for the CT.

the even more disturbing thing is, i flipped over to the back of the textbook and found this note from the writers that gave the idea that they were in a hurry to publish the book so they lumped whatever they could find to produce it asap... so they apologise for any haphazardness or mistakes made.

... like that is so comforting.

oh well. 1/2 hour ago i decided that i shouldn't be pushing myself so hard anymore since there is only 3 days left. i will do whatever i can to catch up still, of course, but no more late nights like this cuz it's not gonna give me a miracle within 3 days anyway. whatever i can absorb, i'll absorb. and if i flunk the CTs, that might make me work harder for the A levels. i hope.

we all gotta learn how to fall someday.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。