crestfallen

currently listening to: Zhi Yin Wei Ni [Zhang Dong Liang]

this is so sad.

i dunno what came over me today, but i did all the things that i normally wouldn't do.
and now i feel really super stupid about them.
i am so gonna control my emotions and actions from now on.

and the saddest thing is.
i have this primary school friend in tpjc whom i suddenly decide to say hello to today for some reason i cannot understand.
..told you i did all the things i normally wouldn't do.
but anyway, she's a friend that i thought so so so highly about because of certain events that happened back in our primary school days.

*waves*
"do you remember me?"
*she raises her eyebrows...
... and shakes her head*

...........

you cannot imagine how sad i am lah.
i showed her my primary school photo and told her about our common ccas.
but she still couldn't remember!!!

i am just so sad.
i always thought that she actually remembered.
since we were pretty close during the cca times.
and now it turned out that she didn't remember at all!!

*crestfallen*

so now i think i am a little too quick to jump into assumptions.
things may not be the way i thought it was after all.
for all i know, macey may not remember me after all.
which makes perfect sense since i lost contact with macey earlier than i had lost contact with that particular primary school friend.

okay suddenly everything changes.
i am not so confident after all.

i think i may have changed too much.
especially appearance-wise.
cuz she was telling me "maybe it's cuz you look very different now".
i don't blame her cuz i think it's kinda true too.
okay tell me again about how i hate change.

so i was kinda depressed all throughout the interact games today.
didn't really participate, partly cuz i was depressed and also because i had no idea how to play the games that they played since i was asking them a hundred times about it and i get silence back a hundred times in return.
eugene tried comforting me and telling me about his childhood friend who couldn't recognise him now either.
but still... I AM SAD.

today is very significant because...
it kinda hit me that all my assumptions up till now could be so so wrong.
and the thought that macey might not even remember me at all is so...
... it would mean nothing if he doesn't remember.

maybe i should learn to let go of the past.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。