pondering...

currently listening to: Pearl Dance [w-inds.]

i think i may actually have very good mentees.

they do come for mentoring sessions, such that everytime i am there at least one of them would turn up (save for the last session).
and they do reply to my calls and messages.
and whenever there are events and i inform them they will at least reply me.
and aidil did go for the last dragonboating event too.
plus they don't avoid me or say rude things to me.
they do reply me nicely (even though sometimes i feel i'm actually quite irritating).

true that sometimes they let me fly kites.
and sometimes one of them disappear for sometime before i see them again.
but i guess these are all because i'm usually not there for mentoring as well (altho it's due to official stuff).
and when i'm not there i'll have to leave them with my buddy mentor.
so even if i were them, i'd feel quite neglected as well.
and sometimes when they realise that i'm gonna be there for mentoring, they do make an effort to be there.

and am i a good enough mentor to deserve this?
cuz compared to other mentors, i realised that i'm actually quite lucky to have them as my mentees.
but when i think about it, i didn't really do much.
in the first place, i skipped quite a few sessions (due to official reasons).
and i am an absolutely boring mentor since i crap most of the session away.
and plus i am terribly poor at math (especially sec2 math) so when aidil asks me questions i'd be seeking help from science students instead.
and i don't interact much with them other than during mentoring sessions.
i don't message them, email them, chat with them or anything too.

so how come my mentees are still receptive towards me?

i think i'm blessed.
they are actually very good mentees by nature.
i may have two of the best mentees of the current batch.

i remember vividly a scene whereby i could make it for mentoring suddenly.
the stuff before that ended early so i could make it after all.
so i was rushing my way to prss.
when i reached the corridor i met nurafifah who had just came out of the toilet.
and when she saw me, she went:
"oh i'm so glad you're here!"

something which i had never expected.
but it really went deep inside me.
to be appreciated and stuff.
she's actually a very sweet girl who can carry a conversation well.
just so long as you can connect with her, she can be quite an interesting person to chat with.
to think that i'm actually so nervous during my first session with her!

and i can tell that aidil's really a super nice guy lar.
to sit there every mentoring session and tolerating my crap.
and sometimes he makes attempts to break the ice (sudden awkward moments when i run out of things to say) and lighten up the atmosphere.
he's also always there during mentoring sessions and our outdoor activities.
actively participating even though the attendance was poor.
he's actually quite a humorous and talented guy too.

i think i recall something from our training sessions at the renewal centre.
they were saying some stuff about treating your mentees not as mentees but as friends.
thinking back, i think i've always treated them as mentees more than friends.
there's always this barrier present.
and i seriously think that it's my fault.
there's something wrong with my mindset.
not that i look down on them or anything.
but it's just that 'friends' is not really the word to describe the way we interact.
'friends' don't only interact during mentoring sessions.
it should be anytime, anywhere, anyhow.
i think i may have been overly sensitive to the word 'mentoring'.
*guilt*

boy, i have a lot more to learn.

for the badminton event next thursday.
both of them have said that they would be there.
i think i must be the only mentor whose two mentees are both going.
although i'm not exactly sure whether i'd end up flying kites (since i haven't been in touch with them for such a loooong time).
i feel quite lucky cuz they actually bothered to say 'yes' and stuff liddat.
unlike some of my other mentors who face the problem of 'non-existent' mentees, mine actually replied and said that they will turn up.
my happiness, or rather the sense of gratitude, is almost beyond words.

i think i must really spend more time understanding them.
though i don't think there are many chances to do that already.

but in any case...
i'm super grateful to them for being such nice mentees.
heartfelt thanks.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。