take care

currently listening to: Ageha [w-inds.]


たとえば、人生における有象無象の出来事は、そのどれもが誰かがいたずらにくみ上げたパズルの誤った断片に過ぎないのかも知れない...

there was once a boy who entered the hsc choir in 2002. a very talented boy who knows how to play the flute and the violin and probably many other instruments that i didn't bother to ask about. a truly musically-inclined boy who was sorted into the S1 section after the choir audition. a unique boy who really attracted me because he was so cute and adorable, though some may not think so cuz he seems to be putting on a grumpy face most of the time. it wasn't a romantic kind of appeal, but rather a strange urge to regard him as my cute little brother.

after the tiring audition and tryouts during the school orientation, school proper began and choir sessions went on as usual, or maybe not 'as usual' because we had to carry so many extra chairs into the choir room to cater to the sudden boom in the choir population. but as usual, a few weeks later all those who were not meant to be in choir (in other words, they quit) left and the choir population was reduced to a manageable size once again. jiajia never did left the choir, though it was obvious from the look on his face that he didn't really enjoy it. maybe it was because i was always making a fuss over him-- always shooting questions at him and jumping on him out of nowhere and abusing my authority as his senior etc etc (yep, i was that crazy over him ((: ). but i had my fair share of 'disturbances' too! like the time i got hit straight in the face by the stream of water from the water cooler cuz he jumped on me when i was trying to drink from it. etc. now that's embarrassing.

choir sessions were... boring as usual. especially the session where Mrs Kwan made us listen the some guy speaking Cantonese for the Canto song that we were suppose to sing for some event. THAT was really BORING spelt in capital letters and written in bold and underscored for emphasis. i can still remember the scene where jiajia blatantly slept right in front of Mrs Kwan and i had to wake him up while trying to stay awake myself. we ended up nodding away together with the rest of the choir all through that session. i remember vividly our conversations during that extremely unendurable session-- our incessable complaints of 'SIAN', our constant number of yawns, our attempts to wake each other up and convincing ourselves that we were having a very 'enjoyable' session..

i really thought the world of my 'cute little brother' then.

...but suddenly, as if he had never appeared in my life before, i didn't see him in school or during choir sessions anymore. i didn't think much when he didn't turn up for choir because that was usually what choir guys would do, especially when hsc choir session are THAT boring. a few choir sessions passed quietly, then weeks passed and i realised that i haven't seen him in school for a long time.i was puzzled at his strange disappearance of course, but i thought that maybe he was sick and on MC since i had heard that he was sick quite often.

days passed without news. then one day, while i was counting my sorrows together with carine and xinwei after a trip to the beach, we met another junior of ours, a classmate of jiajia's. as if it's all arranged and made to be like a saddening drama episode...

"hey how's jiajia lately? i haven't seen him in choir for a long time."
"oh he quit school and went to america."
"... why?"
"erm.. i think he's seeking treatment there cuz he's very ill.."

i was really really shocked when i heard that he migrated. i was even more depressed when i knew about his illness and the severity of it. how can a talented boy like that suffer from such an illness? how did he manage to smile and crack jokes when he was so ill? why did he not even tell me that he was quitting school? how can i not have noticed it?

suddenly everything seemed to justify itself. the reason for his grumpiness and anti-social nature. and there must be a reason for his frequent absence from school. considering the fact that his parents went all the way to build up his music background (meaning that they should be very much concerned about his conduct), they would be very concerned over his supposed truancy. but why was he still allowed to skip school? moreover, hsc's not a school who will condone truancy, especially in the express stream, but why wasn't there a big hoo-ha over his constant absence from school?

this leads me to only one conclusion.

but of course, there is every possibility that the piece of news isn't true. after all, he wasn't there to confirm the piece of news. that junior might have disliked him and was trying to ruin his name... right?

......

it's strange how this incident can be off my mind for so long. ever since then, i have never really bothered to recollect the memories with this 'cute little brother' of mine. it's really quite rare that i can be so fond of someone and yet i buried these memories in the most secluded part of my mind. urusenai.

but one thing's for sure. i'll never ever forget this lil' brother of mine. zettai ni wasurenai yo. *sobx*

wherever you are... take care.

たとえば、人生におけるどんな痛みでさえも、やがて許されることを前提に存在し、僕を日々、生かし続けているのかも知れない...

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。