don't read. you don't want to be irritated.

currently listening to: Let me Show you the Way [Natasha Thomas]

my whines and complaints:

i hate it when people sees me but act as if i'm non-existent. i hate it when the people i'd never want attention from shows me freaky attention. i hate it some people are dying to talk but deliberately restrains and expects me to make the first move. i hate it when people turns from hot and cold to hot to cold to hot to whatever. i hate it when people thinks i'm too goody-goody that i am suppose to know everything. i hate it even more when people thinks i am SO goody-goody that they think that their wild nature would be tamed if they ever got close to me. i hate it when i get MISUNDERSTOOD just because i got irritated at the irresponsibilities of others.

why can't there be an easy solution to everything anyway?

daydreams and fantasies have really been getting into my all these while. i am trying to hang on to things that aren't mine. grabbing hold of memories that i am suppose to let go. lying to myself about my delusions and blocking out whatever negative things that may be happening to me. *slaps myself* wake up! accept the world as it IS. i must really start to be a little more realistic.

character-change isn't deliberate, it's circumstancial. how many of us are really what we hoped to be like in the past? how many of us actually resisted the effects of time? how many of us are left with our daydreams and innocence?

how many of us can actually breathe now?

depression isn't deliberate either, although its worsening may be. all of it came with the ageing of TIME, and it is often accompanied by regrets that can't be reversed even if you went back in time to do it all over again.

regret is an easy word to use. anyone can say "it would have been better if i had done this." but is it really true? did you not give your best already? are you sure things would be better? will you not end up with more regrets? are you not trying to cover up your failure with the word 'regret'?

i am just so pissed with myself. and whatever kind of world i am in now.

and i wasted my time today at the alumni practice where we didn't sing at all. imagine the scene where you've got god-knows-how-many pairs of eyes staring at you hence putting you at risk of being eyed by the teacher, and having to sit through oh-so-familiar debriefs, or rather, admonitions that didn't apply to you at all so you end up sitting there feeling awkward and entertaining the thought of whether you should just stand up and leave at that very moment.

i've finally witness the 'prowess' of the legendary Qoo. she kinda reminds me of Napoleon in Animal Farm. in short-- i can't stand the way she talks. man, do i pity the choir members.

but still... i want my haising back.

don't mind me.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。