*tears out hair*

currently listening to: Snow Flower [Little Snow Fairy Sugar]

a JC student who:

dun do work+dun listen in class= good luck.
dun do work+listen in class= ok, so you might have a chance if you're a natural born genius. IF.
does work+dun listen in class= go ahead. vomit them out. maybe it'll get ya a C at least? but you know that's not gonna get you anywhere.
does work+listen in class= admit it, you're a guai kia. you may pass with a better grade of B, but that doesn't mean ya smart. and you'll never go beyond that too.
does work+listen in class+ does EXTRA work= whoa. *bows* how in the world did you find time??? and don't deny that you don't have much friends.

i must be somewhere between the third and the fourth class, and i am sad. i'm not naturally smart, i'm not super duper hardworking, and i didn't pass my time management test either. HOW AM I TO SURVIVE IN A JC???

my logic is, if you're not anywhere near the fifth class, your life is just... set. confirmed. no more arguments. won't help much anyway.

pretty much affected by the decisions of one of my closer friends in TPJC. leave JC for POLY? maybe it's because i know my life will be so much more lonelier if she really carries out her decision, but it's also partly because i am envious at her freedom of choice.

why can't i do that when i hate studying. especially ROUTINE studying. arghh.

bad hair day, seriously. feel like tearing all my hair out.

why is it that i can't find time to finish everything? or rather, like what i always do, i shall blame it on LIFE (told you i'm a natural-born complain-er). how in the world do they expect us to finish all the ridiculous ton of homework they pile on us, be attentive during lessons (when half the day is gone and you haven't even had your proper break yet since there isn't space in the canteen anyway. so you don't absorb much and find yourself completely clueless about the topic.), brainstorm day and night for ideas for projects, READ THE NEWSPAPERS EVERYDAY, and read even more information that is out of the syllabus to, supposedly, raise your standards, WHEN SCHOOL ENDS AT 4.10pm???

this probably means that from the moment i reach home (5 pm usually), i have to bathe and gobble down my meal within half an hour's time, then start doing the TONS AND TONS of homework from 5.30pm all the way till 10.30pm and find that there is still HALF A TON of homework yet to be completed. (i admit i do steal half an hour to watch Fullmetal Alchemist on SCV. so i stop work from 6.30-7pm. but that's still... BLAH.)

fine, maybe i'm slow in doing my work, but this is really my extent. i can finish all the homework, though they may not be of high quality, steal a few moments to brainstorm for ideas (when i bathe. how pathetic is that?), and to (maybe) read the newspapers. but reading and doing more homework??? sourcing for more information to 'raise my standards'??? and to top it all, take time off for group projects and CCA???

i told you i failed my time management. and even if i did pass, i would die of fatigue within half a year's time anyway. a life like this is NO LIFE.

whenever i see my Econs 10-yr-series lying on the table, a terrible sense of dread overcomes me. it's telling me, "don't you dare to stop working. there's still a ton of work you haven't done. there's still ME." and when i turn around and attempt to gather my stationary to tackle the stupid book, i find myself staring at the sheets and sheets of paper spread all over the table in front of me, reminding me that i have not even finished THEM. another glance at the clock convinces me that i am SCREWED. i wanna sleep. and i did.

and everything repeats the next day. my Econs 10-yr-series is still perfectly dog-ear-free, folds-free, markings-free, perfect. perfectly UNTOUCHED.

restrain. endure. pull through.

i wonder if i can really do it. and if my friend leaves... it MIGHT BE acjc first few weeks all over again.

argh. i hate life. i hate school. i want to sleep...

but i will awake to find myself in the same situation once more. and once more. and once more. and once more...

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。