currently listening to: Taisetsu na Negai [Nanaka 6/17]

i am currently living my third day in acjc.

acjc's a nice place, and the seniors are really nice too. we were split into our OGs, called Esprites, and the whole week is orientation where we play and get dirty and disgusting. there's is trend there to play with starch (sticky gooey substance that resembles glue). the day's soo tiring i just flop down on the bed and sleep the moment i get back home.

the JC1s there are ok, not VERY friendly but once you're friends they won't like "eeks.. look at that girl!" or something (like they were rumoured to be).

and i think my parents can really tell that i'm having a hard time in acjc? of course they reprimanded me at first but after that they really went out to help me with acjc life. like my father went to tpjc to ask if i can still appeal for a transfer? although they said they can't take me in cuz they were FULLY OCCUPIED, i was really touched at this action. and they have been driving me home for the past 2 days. i feel really relieved that they can fetch me cuz orientation is SUPER TIRING (7+ to 5+6+) and i can't really drag myself to take one and a half hour's of public transport to get home.

so i kinda feel guilty now that they're so concerned for me right now. i mean, i'm not the kinda filial girl (also not an unfilial one though) and there are times when i am not really that nice to them. it sorta pricks me now that they're so good to me. argh. i am a loser.

and my brother too. i don't whether he's feeling guilty that he 'made' me choose acjc or whatever, but he had been kinda nice to me these days. i think he understands me very well and so he knows what i'm going through hence the nice attitude. and when i get rude to him he doesn't mind and this really gets to me because i'm so evil and he's like soo nice? no, it doesn't irritate me but... i feel guilty. i mean, which brother is as nice as to endure his little sister's tantrums and still be so nice to her when he himself is leaving for the dreaded army in 3 days time (yes, he HATES army)??? i am such a loser sister.

and sometimes, i feel really cheated that having worked so hard these 4 years just to want to be in the same JC as him, yet in the end i ended up being sooo far away from him? i mean, i know it's my own decision but... i still feel cheated. Blah.

i miss hai sing soo much. i miss my friends sooo much. xinwei, judy, jiehui, alrina, tingxu, michelle, carine, liping and yoke ling and juliana...the list goes on. argh!! i miss them SOOO much!! it's so sad to know that we cant be together anymore, and gradually our friendship will lessen and lessen and lessen till nil? i am sooo depressed.

in any case i hope 3 months will be over real soon. give me support!!!

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。