currently listening to: 四季 [w-inds.]

ok, i'm here again. yet another day of staring at the textbooks and not understanding a single word in them.

man, this can't keep happening!!! i don't wanna fail my 'O' levels!!

ok, tomorrow. i'm gonna lock myself up in the room tml and STUDY. nothing's gonna stop me now. i think. but there are so many things i need to go online for!!! i can't just stop surfing!! what about w-inds. single on 6th Oct?? i haven't listened to the sub-track yet!!

but maybe i shouldn't. if this goes on and i fail my 'O's, i may even end up blaming and hating w-inds. for my failure! *horrified* NO!!!!!!!!

ok, i have decided. for the good of myself as well as my passion for w-inds., I SHALL NOT GO ONLINE ANYMORE. at least until the 'O's are over. I SWEAR. otherwise i shall chop off my hands.

let this be the last time.

so let me share more.

i'm quite surprised with the recent spate of events, including my mother's problems etc. what i had really not expected was that there are actually friends who are still willing to stand by me and share my problems and burdens.

no, i don't mean you guys don't do that. but i just didn't expect someone not as close to me to do that. and these friends are the ones i've been 'nasty' to in one way or another as well.

this has really got me thinking. i think there are really many things that i've taken for granted in the past. now that it's not nearly the same anymore, i guess i just have to learn to regret it once again, like how it always happen so many times. i just wish to apologise for whatever things i've done towards these friends, with or without my knowing but please take in mind that half or more of the things i did were definitely NOT intentional. please trust me.

and thank you too.

lately i've been tuned to the "History Mode". no, not the subject history but rather my past in primary school etc. i am beginning to remember friends whom i have long forgotten and wondering to myself, "she was such a good friend. how did i ever manage to not remember her??" it suddenly became clear to me that i am really someone who has a hole in my brain which allows me to forget so many important things that i'm not suppose to. in simple words, i'm getting senile. 5 years down the road when you see me, i will be staring and pointing at you with weird exaggerated actions, trying to recall if you had been my friend in secondary school. please do not give me the 'flying-shoe-treatment' if i suddenly decide that i don't know you at all after much squinting and murmuring to myself.

hmm. for the next few days, i think i'm gonna stare at some pictures (*drool*) to just motivate me through this period. i need to find the 'A-grade Nerd Spirit' again if i wanna pass my 'O's. i just hope it's not too late.

some things i see or read about is really starting to get me worried.

sigh.

oh and i just found out today that if you send a sms to a home number, that home's phone will actually ring and someone will read out the message! urgh... sounds a little... dots. imagine a machine reading out the sms in a super monotonous voice and you will be there straining your ear to try to catch every word. was that 'the' or was that 'a'? it is worse when the sms is written in short forms, such as "2ml", and than the machine will read out "two-M-L" and you will be thinking, what the hell was that??

ok. just call me a mountain tortoise. i admit i am slow.


記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。