fifteen.
currently listening to: Heaven [Ailee]

i came across a teenage boy in taipei who wouldn't stop calling me 姐姐and hi-five-ing me for all sorts of odd reasons, just to get me to buy a pen.

i didn't mind buying the pen - it could be a scam for all i care, you know, that awkward moment when someone smiles too kindly at you when you step out of the station. perhaps it was precisely because it felt like a scam that i even bothered to stop.

honestly, i was rather impressed by his relentless pursuit and numerous attempts to make me feel at ease to get me to buy that pen from him. he obviously studied my gestures before approaching me, because he could tell at once that i was a foreigner even though i look chinese and wasn't glued to a map. the only unfortunate thing was that his repetitive calls of 姐姐 kind of annoyed me. i'm forever 19 here alright.

so i asked, with a slight frown, how old are you anyway?
he replied, sixteen, how old is 姐姐 then?
and i looked at him in the eye and said, fifteen!
then silence ensued.

ANYWAY. genuinely, he seemed too good a lad to be touting on the streets like that. while he was talking to me during my internal debate on whether i should reach for my wallet or not, a weird sort of emotion overwhelmed me. for someone of his wits and thick skin (can't find a better word), he could well ace anything he sets his sights on. how the hell he ended up selling pens, i can't figure. strangely though, i'm really really curious as to how he'd turn out 10 years down the road. life is a box of chocolates, and i only hope that societal pressure wouldn't kill that spark in his eyes.

i've been looking at too many people recently who have lost the spark the once had. you can start off really well in life - no need to sell pens, or in our case, credit cards - to pursue your passions, all high and mighty. then life happens to you, and you know exactly when, when you can mask your emotions just to get work done. the feeling that your world has collapsed, but because the greater world around you is still spinning, you put on a smile because you know that you simply cannot expect it to stop spinning for you.

then it dawns upon you, that smiling doesn't mean anything at all.

everyone has their fair share of ups and downs, sweet and bitter moments, things to cherish and things that are lost. the balance between these, perhaps, is all in the mind. but i get worried when someone is so much enshrouded in bitterness, he indulges in the sweet moments only for temporal relief, never really tasting them for what they are worth. the sweetness only amplifies the bitterness, throwing him deeper in despair.

just try to believe, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
it has to make you stronger.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。