thank you for 7 years of memories. .
currently listening to: You Won't Answer the Phone [2AM]

hahahaha.

i was looking through the blog posts i made many years ago.
okay okay.
to be honest i was looking for macey-related blog posts i made many years ago.
but that's not the point now.

going through all those memories, i realised i seem to have lost an important part of me.
because so many things have happened, it's hard to think of the world nicely anymore.
to the extent that i even have to think thrice before making a blog post.

so is this part of growing up?
the path that i've chosen has taken me to a vastly different world.
but really, it's not fair to put the blame on it.
since i could have held on to what i lost.

i'm really glad that i made all those posts in the past.
it's rather therapeutic to go through them one by one.
it's like paying a visit to myself... though not quite 'myself' anymore.
giggling like a teenage girl, getting teary-eyed, feeling a little embarrassed, thinking to myself 'did this happen how come i don't remember??' etc etc...
and occassionally coming across gems that i collected in the past but never bothered to reflect on.

since i'm on it, i might as well share this.
this struck a chord with me after the many conversations that i've had with michelle about being too 理智.
not sure if she still reads my blog though, but anyways:
"to be reasonable is to be discontented."
this is a line my literature teacher shared during his lecture.

所谓理智, 只是想掩饰渴望完美的借口?
即使不理智也可以很幸福, 不完美也可以很快乐.
其中含义, 总有一天我们会有更深刻的体会吧.

just like how i always had a perfect picture of macey.
of how i dragged my pink sailormoon bag to the end of the classroom and met him for the first time.
of how he tried to explain his address to me and became quite amused at the end.
because i always had his perfection in mind, i was afraid to ruin it.
and that's why i'm still here now.

in fact, it's harder to get on because so many things have happened.
i may never be able to experience that feeling again.

right.
this is an extremely corny post.
even i am embarrassed. seriously.
but because the xinyi 10 years later may not be.
i should just continue writing :)

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。