hypocrisy will be the death of me.
currently listening to: Other Side of the World [KT Tunstall]

in my media management class last semester, we had to fill up a 10-level pyramid with a list of 10 career goals that the entire class came up with. basically, you start at the base with all 10 goals, then eliminate 1 goal as you move up every level of the pyramid. quite obviously, the last goal remaining reflects your ultimate desire. and by then, you'd have a goal ranking for yourself.

sounds pretty simple, but you tend to get pretty hesitant when deciding what to drop at each level. we had many heavy goals on our list, like passion, power, self-esteem, social status etc etc and of course, moolah. unfortunately for me, money got elminated at the 6th level i think? if you know me well enough, it's not hard to guess what i ended up with.

anyway the point is, i remember there was only one person who had power on the top of his pyramid. i recall making snide remarks about hitler. now i realise how perceptive he really was and how naive i still am.

let's just say that work thus far has been enlightening. you must be nice and nasty, casual and formal, friendly and offensive, slack and hardworking... the grey areas have officially taken a toll on my integrity. the only black and whites i'm left with are my throng of emails that are better known as "accountability". and to think i used to wonder why they chose to call these "black and white".

of course, this doesn't mean that people with power can override accountability. "with great power comes great responsibility" is not just a phrase from some dumb movie yeah? but at the very least, they can set things straight, put some black and white back into life and make things happen. i'm honestly envious.

but the sad fact remains that by the time you have such power, you'd already be so completely, utterly, hopelessly lost in this ugly grey world. and then i wonder what's the point.

this is what internship and a temp status do to you.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。