this is not dramatic at all.
currently listening to: I Love You [Joanna Wang]

the difference between a kid and an adult is that.
there is no one who will tell your story.
there is no superman outside the window.
there is no friends forever every minute of the day.

run run run. stop.
run run. stop.
you've reached the end of the road, with a u-turn at your convenience.
so you run run run. stop.
you're back again.
with a u-turn at your convenience of course.
but you wonder if there's any sense in reaching the end now.
there is no way to run off to anywhere.

this is not a drama.
this is not dramatic.
there is no one who will wipe away the tears.
there is no one who will stand firmly on your side.
there is no hard work that pays off.
there is no third-person perspective of the story.
or maybe there is.

then you are bent on asking him up there whether you're the sinner.
but you think you know what he will say.
because there are rules to this game.
everyone he watches over plays by the same rules.
and you already know what they say.

you think you're vicitmised.
but no, everyone's victimised.
somehow you are told to be the saint that everyone isn't.
why?, they ask like they don't understand, why can't you?
you should change, they shake their heads, you should be rid of your wrongs.
and then you look back at how far you've come in this... cleansing conquest.
and you can only stare blankly at how they are talking right over your head, talking to the you at the starting point.

you think you're quite sick of how this whole thing works.
you trip over a rock and you know you'll trip over more.
but you've given up on the storyteller, the superman, and the friends forever.
so you trip, get up, and trip, trip, get up, trip again.
don't mind the trips because you know you'll get up.
and because you know there's no way to stop tripping in the first place.

so there is just you.
just you who should get into the game.
just you whom when everyone says you're wrong.
you try to meet their expectations.

basically the difference between a kid and an adult is.
reality.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

4:25 PM

沉默权.
currently listening to: Tea for Two[TVXQ]

after so much.
i'm just that low, that inconsiderate, that heartless.
i wonder why i even bothered.
it's okay.
it's not like i didn't try.
now i know it just doesn't work that way.
it's okay.
i shall just not try anymore.
lest i end up lower than where i came from.
it's okay.
そんなに弱いじゃないから。
なみだわなぜそんなに簡単で流れって自分もわからない。
でもきっと大丈夫だよ。
even if i go back and take it from the top.
no one will notice right?
i'm the same from every single angle after all.
so it's okay.
it's really okay.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Monday, June 15, 2009

6:45 PM

celebrating 5 years and 494 posts in blogosphere.
currently listening to: Tea for Two[TVXQ]

woolah woolah new blogskin!

quite a feat since i spent almost a day trying to piece it together. everthing's pretty much similar to the previous skin, other than some new and updated links, and also a new tagboard that i'm rather worried will remain blank like this since no one really tagged on the previous tagboard anyway. really, i wonder why since i know people do read. hello people and i shall wave enthusiastically in the hope that you'll answer.

and the best thing is that i can change to header to whatever i want!
current theme is chappalang things that matter:)))

anyways, if you've heard i'm suppose to be exercising to get rid of the backaches- kinda like physiotherapy for a ligament problem. but, erm, it has not been happening due to my lack of motivation a variety of reasons that seem to just keep me away from my running shoes and FBTs tucked away in the corner of my wardrobe.

brand new too.

i will start exercising tomorrow. i will. i will i will i will.
even if it's in my dreams.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Saturday, June 13, 2009

11:58 PM

i should grab it firmly in my hands.
currently listening to: Ariamaru Tomi[Shiina Ringo]

if i say.
there are two sides to this world. from any perspective.
and today, the two sides to this world are the happy side and the sad side.
how many people do you think will be on either side?
because today i see 1 on the sad side, and the whole world on the other.

that 1 is not me, but i nearly cried.
i wish i can say 'hang on!' with a tad more insistence... i know it's hard.
words can only do so much.
or rather, i can only do so much.

you've not reached a dead-end.
despite all the walls that you seem to just crash into, you've not hit a dead-end.
everything happens for a reason.
and i like to think that they happen only to make you stronger.

i dunno.
seems like life tends to become bleak when you know it's reaching an end.
that's how they usually paint the picture. in black and white.
but i always thought that that life should be more colorful.
because the simplest things in life will light up and dazzle.

for most who can't see the end of the road, the journey becomes dull and dreadry with every step, bogged down by the arduous task of having to move forward with the years. they take it for granted because they can't see when all these will come to a glorious end.

but for one who has the end in sight, the journey has more kick. perhaps a little bit of hesitation at pit stop 1 and a little bit of angst at pit stop 2 and a little bit of pain at pit stop 3, but the knowledge that it will be over soon should make them treasure the journey even more.

and that's what matters isn't it?
the journey and whether you enjoyed it.
is the most important thing in this world.

i dunno.
but this is my theory at my year 20 and 6 months running.
it's kinda like the cup theory: half-filled or half-empty.
i hope you can understand my entry this time.

i've given you alot of i'll-be-here-for-yous and hang-in-theres.
but i know there's no logic in these, though i really meant them.
this time, i'll feel the pain with you.
i'll cry when you cry, scream when you scream, despair when you despair.
and finally smile when you smile.
tomodachi dakara.

as for the other side of the world today, the happy side.
i've seen that side today too.
so when both sides collided in front of my eyes.
in that instant.
there was an urge to treasure it all.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。