so how?
currently listening to: Ru Yan [Mayday]

nonsensically emo these days.

it's funny how we always regret our choices cuz we think the other way would work better. why, do we know the what's in store if things happened the other way? so how can we say for sure that it'll work better?

like we always used to complain about my grandma's nagging and how nice it'd be if she had a better temper. but is it better to have a grandma who complains all day long or a grandma with a 'better temper' because she's not working her mind anymore?

then again i understand the tendency to hope for the better. like how i hope that i can finish all my revision and assignments fast so i can have more time to try to spark her memory. but it's impossible because of my ridiculously short concentration span and my wonderful ability to foul up my assignments so i have to do it over and over again. you have no idea how inadequate if feels to have to repeat assignments already done to try to reach the standard. how stupid it feels to have to read the same sentence over and over again in order for it to register in my head. and my super short memory doesn't help- and i mean short memory because i can't even remember many of the supposedly significant moments in my life.

it's a mad rush because i made it so.
it is me.
i want to have more time.
i could have so much more time.
but it is me.

are we really asking for too much?
when the whole world is asking for so much in a performance-oriented society
...how?

anyway, i lost my phone. i also got a summon.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。