damn it part ii.
currently listening to: Blind [Lifehouse]

time and again, people are threatening to get on my nerves.

i've been thinking that appearance really has this integral role in the whole of things, yet it's always so inopportune to make a change. well... okay, maybe it's more of a disinclination to do it more than the lack of a chance.

but look, it's not like i'm still a kid. i'm nearly 20 and the people out there still call me xiao mei mei! imagine the annoyance when i attempt to inform them that i'm really an undergraduate already.

AND it's not like i'm any less intellectually-inclined than an average person. it irks me THAT much when i'm being treated like a lesser by anyone else.

and it is truly this particular period that's crucial. i make a mistake, or pay less effort to a seemingly insignificant exercise and voila! i'm out of anything that i was suppose to be entitled to. was i too naive to not consider that a single line composed out of whim could lead to an imposed label on my character and capabilities.

yes, i'm getting a feel of the world i'm entering. and it's not exactly welcoming start if you should ask.

come to think of it, it is to be expected. i gave up better stuff and chose this path knowing that i'll have to make alot of drastic changes to myself. i knew i couldn't escape from it, but i'm still reluctant to do it. it actually hints at the absence of talent for the subject, really. i knew i wasn't made for this industry, but here i am. sadly, enthusiam's really a fallen prey in the face of adversity.

and then there is indignance.

which leads to struggle, and you find yourself back at the crossroads.

"you don't need a degree to do this."

why am i constantly haunted by this line.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。