damn it part ii.
currently listening to: Blind [Lifehouse]

time and again, people are threatening to get on my nerves.

i've been thinking that appearance really has this integral role in the whole of things, yet it's always so inopportune to make a change. well... okay, maybe it's more of a disinclination to do it more than the lack of a chance.

but look, it's not like i'm still a kid. i'm nearly 20 and the people out there still call me xiao mei mei! imagine the annoyance when i attempt to inform them that i'm really an undergraduate already.

AND it's not like i'm any less intellectually-inclined than an average person. it irks me THAT much when i'm being treated like a lesser by anyone else.

and it is truly this particular period that's crucial. i make a mistake, or pay less effort to a seemingly insignificant exercise and voila! i'm out of anything that i was suppose to be entitled to. was i too naive to not consider that a single line composed out of whim could lead to an imposed label on my character and capabilities.

yes, i'm getting a feel of the world i'm entering. and it's not exactly welcoming start if you should ask.

come to think of it, it is to be expected. i gave up better stuff and chose this path knowing that i'll have to make alot of drastic changes to myself. i knew i couldn't escape from it, but i'm still reluctant to do it. it actually hints at the absence of talent for the subject, really. i knew i wasn't made for this industry, but here i am. sadly, enthusiam's really a fallen prey in the face of adversity.

and then there is indignance.

which leads to struggle, and you find yourself back at the crossroads.

"you don't need a degree to do this."

why am i constantly haunted by this line.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

11:43 PM

damn it.
currently listening to: Not in The Mood [Hot, Bothered & Out to Kill]

never have i felt so utterly slighted in my entire life.

SO disregarded, it was like a slap in the face.
or worse.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Saturday, January 26, 2008

3:08 AM

啊~
currently listening to: One Day [m-flo loves Kato Miriya]


今天偷懒了。


所以明天得更努力吧?


woosh woosh~~

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

11:48 PM

ganbatte.
currently listening to: ONION [Aska Yang]

we are all so very tired.

never say this until you're deprived of all your youth.

I SHALL CALL CALL CALL tomorrow!!

target shall be 30 companies at least!!

wooosh!

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, January 20, 2008

1:39 AM

no mood for assignment.
currently listening to: Hamamuke [w-inds.]

i actually typed a whole essay of words for this post.
then i realised my message was simple.

please do not ever ever criticise w-inds. in front of me.

it's hard when you see their enthusiasm fading out yet there's nothing you can do to help.

it's torturing when you realise that you can't do a single thing for them when they've done so much for you.

it's worse when you can't even perform the simple task of defending them.

it's the years spent with them.

and if you can't understand that, please just shut up and buzz off.

i'm sick of being speechless and acting okay.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Thursday, January 17, 2008

1:24 AM

hanging on the what's left my my life today.
currently listening to: Cai Hong [Jay]

i pray that my thumbdrive with my cute edward and alphonse elric handphone chain is still quietly stuck onto the USB drive in the teo sai nan computer lab unharmed.

busy busy busy.
i should know better than to overload myself.
bleah, disgusted.

i can already forsee white hair springing out on my head as if they are some bunch of lush grass during summer.

sleep is definitely one of god's greatest gift to humans.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, January 13, 2008

9:50 PM

we are notw into the semester.
currently listening to: My Prayer [BoA]

hoooo boy.

i really wanna cut my hair short. i taboleh tahan liao. either that or i have to find some way to make my hair easier to handle than the hay-ish state it is in right now. i just can't stand it anymore when it's in a mess whenever i happen to glance at the mirror.

time's gonna be really tight once courses start proper tomorrow onwards, with lessons as late as 8.30pm (worse still when the day starts 8.30am). oh well, i planned the timetable myself anyway, and the fact that i have a 4-day week makes things a liiittle better for the semester(which would have been a 5-day week if i had taken public admin as planned). oh, as well as the fact that i got jap as an elective. *muahahhaahah*

somehow the angel of courage decided to wave his little wand over my head this sem so i'm taking on General History of China as an elective. yes, it's suicide, but i might die with a little more valor since it does take alot of guts to do that. it's funny that i think the subject's interesting yet i'm falling asleep once i start on the readings. even literature wasn't that bad. maybe i'm subconsciously liking english literature more than chinese history??

.......
no, no. i'm kidding.

bleh. that's that for academics. i'm hoping i may be able to stay at 4.0 but it doesn't seem to bode too well does it?

seriously, i need to go to the temple lah.

this is turning out to resemble one of my many complaint posts.

things have been taking strange turns recently, like how i end up still doing bizmag for music express when i was just aiming to avoid that job by applying for stage manager. so right now it's stage/publicity/bizmag. why bizmag?!?!?! why why why?!!!! *tears out hair*

so i shall be humbly mailing and calling up various companies to ask for sponsorship in the week to come; a job that i am so sick of. and this time it's 50 compared to the 10 i had to do for rotaract.

aww awww, maybe it's not that bad. i do get something out of it if ME turns out well.

on top of stuff, there's this flu that never seems to go away. it insists on torturing my breathing system for one month and running, blocking up my ears and filling up my nose so i'm forced to breath through my mouth that i can't even climb a simple flight of stairs without feeling breathless.

i'm not feeling too bad about being busy, other than the fact that it may affect my grades. the holidays made me wanna stretch my limits this semester, only that i never expected the academics to be tougher as compared to last semester. it's frustrating when it's either one or the other; if only i'm able to multi-task as well as some of those inhuman creatures people.

but it helps when you realise there's someone working as hard as you out there, or maybe even harder. the fact that tingxu's coping all alone in north carolina makes me feel like i'm making a mountain out of a molehill. 2 semesters, let's thrash through them man, then the pigs can finally meet up in december for christmas.

i'm feeling a little strange lately. maybe it's the fact the the teenage years will be over soon and i'll be officially 20 once my birthday's here. something, just something...

i can survive the sem, and then i can survive anything else.




well err, at least anything else in uni.


prayers for aunt.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Thursday, January 03, 2008

11:46 PM

kansha shimasu.
currently listening to: My Prayer [BoA]

hmm... how should i put it.

ureshii desu!

even though nothing seems to be going the right way.
*shrugs*

yep, the mood is crucial.

i wonder how long i can keep up with it.
*laughs*

demo ii desu ne!

there still could be something about bad days.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。