i shall say.
currently listening to: Song for You [DBSK]

this comes as a surprise.

i realised i have quite abit of nationalistic sentiment in me.

apathy is an understatement. i cringed when the Q&A at the ministerial forum today was dominated by foreigners; was literally screaming to myself "what happened to all the singaporeans???" LKY had to specifically ask for questions from singaporeans, and this was at the expense of delaying his exit from the forum.

"are there no singaporeans at this forum??"

haiyaaa.

for a very long moment, i had an urge to just go up there and ask whatever questions for the sake of nationalistic pride. whatever questions will do, i just wanted to tell people i'm from singapore. BUT..

.. sadly, being the timid singaporean that i am, i didn't.

which leads me to think if singaporeans do pale in comparison to foreigners. are we really less capable, less smart, less harworking than people out there? a malaysian friend was telling me today that "singapore will collapse if we malaysians are not here." and for that instant, i was really offended.

i wanted to say that even though they may make up a significant proportion of the current population, it matters if they are contributing effectively to this country or not. i wanted to say that it is the quality not the quantity that matters. i wanted to say singaporeans are equally capable of doing whatever foreigners can do, and even do it better if they strive to. i wanted to say that even though it's a globalised world and our economy is dependent on those of other countries, singapore does not STAKE HER LIFE on these foreigners among us for survival.

i wanted to say... but i didn't.

and what happened at the forum today seems to be persuading me that silence was the right choice.

but most foreigners are not here to stay, especially the students. it's true that they may contribute to growth since it is compulsory for them to work a few years in singapore, but what happens if majority choose to return to their homelands after that? does it mean that singapore will go into decline from then on? perhaps not, since we can attract foreign talents to work for singapore. does it mean that we hence DEPEND on these foreign talents for survival? does it mean that if they all choose to leave the country someday, we will not be able to fend for ourselves?

well, apparently many people think so.

much as this can be blamed on demographics, i think that's really a lame excuse. it is undeniable that we are dependent on the economies of other countries for survival, but it's a globalised world! all countries are reliant on one another, and we may just be a little more so due to the structure of our economy. it's an external structure we can't get out of, nor should we be trying to get out of.

but look at china, korea, united states. internally, aren't it the locals that are working for growth in the country? since when have they been overly dependent on foreign talents for the sustenance of growth? since when have they said that they are in dire need of foreign talents? foreigners may have played a part in kickstarting growth, perhaps through sharing of expertise and funding, but ultimate growth was a result of the the hard work of the locals themselves wasn't it?

so why in the world should it be different in singapore? i refuse to think that singaporeans are inherently less capable than foreigners. so don't tell me that this is a matter of genes. so many of us are educated, skilled and thinking individuals-that's what the expensive education is for-should there be any reason for us to be less capable than others to the extent to we need them so badly in order to prosper? simi gui lah!?

unless you insist that it's a genes problem.

the only key reason i can think of is that we are not working hard enough. working hard doesn't mean working hard only-- what are you working hard for? if we are working hard just to earn enough money to satisfy our materialistic desires.. if we are working hard just to migrate and roam the world.. if we are working hard just to strengthen our resume and gain personal satisfaction (then earn money and migrate -_-)... even if we are working hard just to earn enough to sustain the family... then no wonder foreigners can say that singapore will die without them.

alas, the long-lost word...
where's the nationalism, man?

no doubt nationalism has a bad track record, but it will have a worse record if it doesn't even seem to exist in a country. i understand there are many reasons why many singaporeans, especially the younger ones, do not feel that this is a good country to live in. the lack of freedom, censorship, PAP monopoly, dull climate... so many factors that are likely to be around for a long time. for some reason, 'the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side' theory seems to be more prevalent here than in other countries. is there nothing here we want to safeguard? is there nothing at all to be proud of? is it that bad to be a singaporean living in singapore?

tell me about the lack of national identity. we don't even feel strong enough to allow the development of a national identity. it is argued that the environment, culture and roots makes up the national identity, which is true for many other countries. but come on, singapore is this super small island that sang nila utama would have missed if not for that supposed merlion. other than the few kampongs then, we don't have much of a unique root or culture to begin with. we say there's no national identity-complain and grumble about it being missing-without even realising that since it is not there right from the start, it is up to US to create a good one. hey, it's not something just any country can have the opportunity of doing.

i have to admit the censorship and restrictions on expression do make it difficult to do so (singlish- ousted. ahbengs&lians- cannot acknowledge as culture. opposition- censored.) but, i'm not betting that this will last forever. what should be highlighted is the pathetic number of people who are trying to do so. the likes of royston tan and eric khoo tries to embody whatever identity we have now-- and the fact that i can only think of the 2 of them shows that there's really very very few people who concern themselves with national identity.

make ourselves proud of our own nation. why should we be depending on others for survival? it only implies to others that we are less capable than them. why should locals be subjected to foreign competition when we have every means of avoiding it? stop those complaints and think about your contributions for a change.

one day i shall never face those 'i-wanted-to-say-but-i-didn't' situations ever again.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。