meditate-d
currently listening to: The Bus Passing By [In Hall]

it was the first time i got a bible for a gift, a farewell gift at that. when given by a friend whom i've depended heavily on for direction, i knew it meant something. somehow, it kinda struck me that i've got to learn to struggle out things on my own from now on. stop relying on everyone else, you've gotta stand on your own.

dinner was suppose to be a lonely affair today, since everyone either had to go home or had something else to attend to. for the first time in ntu (or perhaps in my life), i was going to have dinner outside on my own. despite all my rants and chants of "GU DAN DE REN~~~", i was rather apprehensive of it actually.

it was then that i realised the pathetically small social circle i have right now. i called people up but they were busy, and my closest friends are all faaarrrr in the east. and i haven't got many new friends in uni that i can comfortably call out for dinner without fearing that it may be awkward. the consequences of missing orientation.

so it was going to be me and myself and i.

in the end, adeline managed to steal some time off to have an early dinner with me before heading off to clarke quay with her OG mates. grateful i was, but i felt bad too since she was doing it specially for me and i don't like to trouble anyone at all if i can help it.

i am starting to think that i'm loser, really.

bah. it's only dinner. what's the big deal. not like i would die if i had it on my own. it's in the mind lah.

on another note, i'm starting to like my biz and finance people =)

moving on, I JAMMED THE SCI PRINTER AGAIN TODAY. i can't understand why it always has to be me jamming the printer. i really won't mind giving up the chance to others. doesn't help when there are so many people in the lab waiting for their stuff to be printed and i can only stand there with a red red face saying sorry.

i really have this... bad affinity with machines.

then came the IMC tutorial, which suddenly became a discussion on traditional journalism versus digitalized or citizen journalism (yes, the cherian george content). prof lee was like, trying hard to get all of us engaged and voice our opinions but the words just won't come out of me somehow. guess i wasn't in the right state of mind, which always happens during his tutorials, strangely. i wonder if it has something to do with the room, or the many people, or the prof... arghh. IT'S JUST ME LAR. stop putting the blame on everything else.

so such internal dialogues with yours truly have been taking place inside my head recently. i wonder if it's a sign of schizophrenia-- i might start talking to the walls or the like. my friends, please beware. i might bring a plush hippo around and introduce him as my boyfriend or something.

oh and i subscribed to MOBTV!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA. finally i have access to the old tcs dramas that my brother and i are totally crazy about. i'm watching return of the condor heroes now by the way. and there's FU MAN REN JIAN on the weekends too!! it's like one of the best best productions they have lah! thank god for old dramas, cuz i really don't care for the new ones.

off to do research~

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。