那就这样吧。
currently listening to: Nothing [Music Doesn't Work Anymore Either]

a series of unfortunate events.

there was a breakdown.

then another.

i am too high-strung, they say.

my tears fall down much more easily than i thought they could.

i have an encouraging family.

i have understanding friends.

those were minor stuff.

those that will be coming are likely to be less of a big deal too.

but i am angry with myself.

i am disappointed with myself.

i am disgusted with myself.

that's why it's hard to keep it back.

i wanted to make them proud.

i intended to make it all worth it.

but i'm not supergirl.

i'm not even her sidekick.

motivation does not work anymore.

i'm not meant for the big stuff.

so.

let it be.

let it be.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

11:25 PM

Summer Dream
currently listening to: Summer Dream [TVXQ!]

重要的是我忘记了呼吸
如果能一直停留在这个地点这个时间该多好

-- Summer Dream, TVXQ

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Monday, August 27, 2007

4:28 PM

macey-syndrome
currently listening to: 我不想忘记你 [郭静 ]

running around in school gives me a headache.
attending business finance lectures gives me an even bigger headache.

but i realised something today.
any guy that looks like macey catches my attention.
even if it's just a little resemblance.

arghhhh. two years.
but i don't even know if he will be in ntu.

please please please come to ntu.
*prays*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, August 26, 2007

11:46 PM

rambling on and on and on...
currently listening to: 我不想忘记你 [郭静 ]

huahh... this song is really nice.

a couple of things learnt over the past week:

1. driving after classes is torturing.
2. going back from ubi to hostel is even more torturing.
3. then again, going back to hall on sunday nights is much much more depressing.

conclusion being, i don't really like stepping into ntu.

classes have been interesting, but there's this basic media writing course that's kinda discouraging because i realised that i'm really really bad at writing leads. and leads are like... the crux of any article you read, so i guess it might take alot alot alot of work if i ever consider venturing into journalism. it's really quite discouraging because i keep getting the idea that i'm really in the wrong course: 0 obervation skills, 0 lead-writing skills, 0 critical perspectives, 0 guts to express my own views.

and i haven't really widened my social circle much, especially when i missed all the orientations, and am so bogged down by the schedule that i rarely have time to participate in any of the school activities. DRIVING, clashes with everything that they plan, ie, i'm having driving lessons whenever they have events.

which reminds me of the previous driving lesson i had: the instructor said i was really bad that day! i was making all the mistakes i didn't use to make. to think he had commented that i was quite gifted at driving during our first few lessons; i totally blew the image i had with him. and it is NOT OKAY because practical test is just NEXT THURSDAY and i only have one more lesson left to correct all my mistakes.

i wanna pass driving, i wanna pass driving.... *chants*

anyways, moving on to destress, i just saw TVXQ's live performance of Summer Dream and it was really cute! i can totally understand why the whole world's in love with them, much as i don't quite like the idea of joining in the crowd. it's an addiction, seriously. the moment i start looking at their news or their videos, i just keep looking at more. i wonder what it is that really attracts us to them; personality? looks? music? performances? why is it that everything they do just gets us so interested? with w-inds., it was kinda exclusive because there were many people who thought otherwise of them (thus the small fanbase), but with TVXQ is like whoa! everyone loves them, they took the entire asia. why the difference?

i'm starting to think that perhaps SM is a genius at marketing.

at this point, my friends will all be rolling their eyes at the above paragraph. *evil laughter* i don't think they really understand why i'm so obsessed with w-inds. and tvxq, much as they are fully aware of the EXTENT of which i'm crazy over them.

we had a gathering last friday to celebrate alrina's birthday. a combination of pigs co and lamer gang. as usual it was all the crap talk and lame jokes that had us talking non-stop from city hall back home. on the way back home, i took a look at all of them and realised that this are the friends that would stick with me for my entire lifetime. i guess everyone has a group of friends who will never break away no matter how time passes, and no matter at which point of time you wish to return to them, there will never be fears that you won't be able to fit back into the group. it's almost like a split personality; the way i am with them and the way i am without them.

when did i start hiding myself? the more you hide, the more you aren't yourself, and the more your friends become totally different as well. thank god that i was myself when i met juliana and regina, thank god that i was myself when i was totally enthusiastic about the formation of pigs co., thank god i was myself when i was laming around with the lamer gang... thank god i was myself back then.

give thanks~~ with a grateful heart~~ *hums*

i'm reminded of the friends i've let down, in a really nasty and unreasonable manner. i cringe just to recall the stupid reasons i broke off ties with them for. for pride? for indignance? for guilt? that's why i say, i'm really a bad friend, and to still be surrounded by so many sincere friends is probably the greatest blessing i can ever have.

one day i shall apologise to all the three of them.

wonder if any of them are in ntu right now?

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, August 10, 2007

9:30 PM

rush rush rush.
currently listening to: Irreplaceable [Beyonce]

i like sincere people.
i like polite people.
i like considerate people.

considering that everything in university so far has been about competition and beating the crowds, i shall rush rush rush to purchase my fujitsu laptop on monday since break is only at 1.30pm for me. that is to mean, i only have some free time to do that between lessons.



and then contemplate about patronising the laptopskin business that judy set up (since so many hundreds of others will be having the same laptop as me). it kinda seems incredible that my friend is doing up a business already, even though it may only be a small online one but... wow. all of a sudden, i'm filled with both pride and amazement at the passing of time.

url: http://thelaptopskin.wordpress.com

i guess there will be many more of such times.

driving lessons and practical test clash HORRIBLY with my timetable. whenever i have driving, i'm bound to have classes till late late in the evening, which leaves me with less than an hour to get from ntu to ubi (quite impossible amidst the rush-hour jam). on practical test day, I WILL BE SKIPPING ONE TUTORIAL AND A 3-HOUR LECTURE.

siao eh, really, the 3-hour lecture. worse still, it is literature-based. *faints*

and to think my lecturer today was commenting about students asking him for excuse from tutorials for driving tests... didn't have to cheek to tell him that i am gonna be the next one.

why do i have the weird (and rather realistic) feeling that i'm gonna fail my practical test.

blehhh. i'm still looking forward to my laptop anyway.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

11:47 PM

you really don't want to read my complaints. you don't.
currently listening to: Xin Xing Quan [Jolin Tsai]

blehhh.

i'm suffocating with the amount of stuff i have to print for school when lecture proper hasn't even started. i'm sooo gonna get that ream of paper and make full use of SCI's printer.

FINALLY i drew up a timetable that fufils recommended requirements, which also means that i shall be mugging my ass off for the rest of the semester. not that i hadn't expected myself to be working hard, but to be working so hard WITHOUTＡMINOR??

it's crazy, really, the amount of stuff they require us to take. i did some calculations and it means an approximate of 9~10 UEs and 4~5 GERs, which equates to.... 15 extra subjects on top of the core communications modules???

and don't get me started on *toot* REGISTRATION PROCESS, cuz i almost wanted to smash the computer and murder all the Year 2s/Kiasu Year 1s while doing that.

anyways, there are alot of doubts i have about my timetable, like how i am suppose to fly from SCI to HSS in half an hour's time, and whether taking integrated marketing communications as UE now means i would still have to take it next year, and if a GER is really a 'die die' requirement for this semester. ETC.

so i guess it might be modified some time later.

semester 1 in university: without home, without a laptop yet, WITHOUT A BUSINESS MINOR . i don't think i can stop complaining.

all this rush is making reunions much more than joy. thank god for friends.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

2:20 AM

seriously disillusioned
currently listening to: Xin Xing Quan [Jolin Tsai]

right up till JC, we were dealing with studies.
right here in university, we are dealing with people.

i can't believe how competitive registration is.
i am beginning to see the hidden sides of people.
i find myself tolerating more than interacting.
everything, every single thing, is frustrating.

a trip back home today took 2 hours, and i stoned all the way.
so many thoughts and flashbacks collided, each more discouraging than the other.
i bet the people around me thought i was in depression.
only 2 days, and i feel as if i've experienced the society.
but of course, society is much much tougher than this.

gosh, tell me how i'm gonna survive.

i really don't like having doubts about others.
i hate it when the ugliness of human character displays itself right in front of my eyes.
i dont want to dislike anybody if it can be avoided.

but this is proving to be incredibly difficult to achieve.

don't expect the entire world to fit your criteria.
disregard, girl, take it easy with a smile on your face.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。