on my way to becoming a better person.
currently listening to: Bye Bye Love [Yuri Sangja]

it's strange how i no longer think much to myself nowadays. i guess it has something to do with the brain being clogged up with workstuff and scholarship applications. i can't wait for everything to be over, but a long wait it shall be since the notifications for interviews and selection tests (everything i applied for needs them) comes april/may.

perhaps i'm neglecting how much of a turning point in life this is despite repeating it so many times to the point of it being mechanical. we will no longer don uniforms (other than NS guys who now have a different responsibilty tied to theirs), no longer have arranges timetables that we just need to follow, no longer have teachers breathing down our necks about the missing college pin or the shirt with the drawstrings. *poof* it all becomes the past.

somtimes i worry about university life, not really because of its different curriculum, but more because of the people i would be mixing with. see, i came all the way from acjc to tpjc because the latter's environment was one which i was familiar with. i recall being uncomfortable in the acjc setting because everyone seems to fit into the 'elite' category and you feel like some imbecile alongside them (especially when you have an 'outstanding' uniform), not to mention that they are extremely angmoh-fied over there as well. eventually i adjusted to the surroundings, but for the sake of a happier college life (with more familiar friends and less travelling time) i chose to leave it. but now, no more familiar environment, no more 15-minute bus rides to school, no more mixing with familiar friends when they have different pursuits.

it's like acjc all over again. *sigh*

i guess it's the lack of confidence and inferior complexity at work. maybe i'm simply overestimating the subject and making it a problem for myself (like i always do). i can't escape to anywhere else anymore, so i might as well make most of this unwelcomed change in life. we all have to, sadly.

sometimes i wonder if i'm too enclosed in my own world that i don't know how much i've got that is already enough to satisfy some others. perhaps i'm a little too self-centred that all i think about is my own stuff. kinda apparent since every single post in this blog is about me, what i did and how i think. you gotta think about greater things than yourself girl, else you'll end up like some 井底之蛙 completely oblivious to your surroundings.

when i think about it, i actually have nothing much to complain about because everythings stems from my lack of confidence and pessimism. i'm thinking too much, like all girls do but maybe i do it a little more than the average.

思想该广阔些，信心该多一些，放眼望去其实有太多东西更值得去深思呢。

okays, 2e4 gathering i shall go. i hope the people will come. *prays*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。