it's on to the next stage for us.
currently listening to: Story [AI]

now we come to the major decision of choosing our future paths.

it still seems so unrealistic now that we've really really become JC graduates and it still feel like i have to return to tpjc soon for lessons. it feels like just a long holiday from JC more than such an important turning point that it really is. okay, just call me a nerd, but i really wanna go back to the classroom yeah.

the happiness from the results is gradually wearing off as i think about the possible obstacles that i'll be facing in the future, and of course, due to the dissapointment that some of my friends are experiencing. i was consoling some of my friends then but i know that it really is useless to console. if i were to put myself in their shoes, i'll most probably be even more hurt from such consolations because of my high self-expectations. yet, even though i knew how much my consolation might do the same to another, i still did it because i couldn't just stand by and watch them frantically trying to hold back their tears.

nothing can help them, like i once said, but it's really all in the mindset. if they can walk out of it themselves, then they're stronger than anybody else who scored straight As or aced GP. they will be much much stronger than me because i'd probably deem myself as a failure for the rest of my life if i were in their shoes and it's because i'm weak, very very weak.

if i could choose between scoring straight As and becoming a stronger person who could overcome any obstacle that stood in my way, i would undoubtedly, without any hesitation, pick the latter because that's what really matters. i can give up anything, anything in the world including w-inds.(if you know how much they mean to me), if i can gather enough courage to hold my head up high and have enough determination to achieve my goals no matter how hard it could be. straight As merely label you as a smart nerd, but it is inner strength that wins you the genuine respect of others.

i'm saying these from the bottom of my heart.

and to my friends who didn't meet their expectations, you guys are not alone because i'm always here with you. i'll be on twenty-four hours standby seven days a week. maybe it's hard to pick up the phone or call, just like it's equally hard for me to call and ask, but just remember that i'm always here and it is you that i care about, not your results. be strong!!! cuz that is all that matters.

moving on, an email from mr gay today really deflated whatever ego that i might have developed over my results, and i'm glad it did. not that it was an admonishment, it was just a very encouraging and funny email that set me thinking realistically.

"Give it a year of two, no one, including, yourself will be concerned with your A level results anymore.........likewise, your 'O' level results were life and death to you all at one stage but now, no one really cares about your O level rersults now anymore right? My point is that these results are transient and should not be taken as a reflection of your self worth or your ability. Your achievements and experiences gained while in TPJC is of far greater value. The learning experiences you have gained whether academically or spiritually, I believe is so enriching."

i'm aiming for a course that is made for someone with a strong will, sufficient self-confidence, a strong charisma and of course, good results. no, not medicine or law if you're not out of your mind yet (i can't even take one step into their lecture halls). i'm aiming for communication studies in ntu, which is a really hot course among our peers. the requirements i can only barely qualify for the "good grades", but the other 3 is what i've been pursuing all my life yet never really managed to acquire. that's why i say, grades are not everything. if i managed to qualify with my grades, i'll have to go for an interview, and that's where it really matters because it will determine if i have managed to become the confident person that i really wanna be, and also because it will then take me one step closer to my preferred career.

what if i failed? a question that has been bugging me since i made my choice. they have a really small intake. then i'll have to settle for something else and forever be regretful that i didn't make it, but hopefully that failure will make me inch closer to becoming the stronger person that i can only dream of.

now i'm just very confused. do i qualify for a scholarship? if so, then how do i get a suitable one? or should i just go overseas since that will be a good learning experience as well? even if i want to i wouldn't know where to go cuz i don't know which institutions offer communication studies. i don't even know if i can still go overseas since i've never given it much thought, much less to prepare for it.

haii. this is what happens when you don't plan early. how come i don't have tingxu's brain?

it's kinda weird. maybe it's because i've never imagined myself in the working environment before so i don't really think about my possible salary or job prospects when i'm choosing the courses. it really does feel like i'll just study and continue studying for the rest of my life. guess i haven't quite grown up yet.

anyways, applications end april 1st!!! is that fast or what?! they expect us to choose our future paths in just 2 weeks time like we all already know what to do. dunno how to empathise with us who are still recovering from d-day. our hearts and thoughts are still flying everywhere lor, and they think it's so easy for us to catch and organise them. *grumbles*

oh, and i ordered w-inds. and tvxq DVDs on yesasia!! it takes damn long for them to ship it here but i'm willing to wait anyhows. it's much cheaper than the prices in HMV lah, so i shall wait even though it will only arrive one month later. woohoo~~ happy happy~~~

*muahahahahahas*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。