whoooshh.
currently listening to: Together [EXILE]


gone stale.

to korea and beijing!
back on 5th feb.
*waves*

and no, tvxq is not there.

ahhh... i think i'm having migraines.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

10:06 PM

only a little emo.
currently listening to: Bu Yuan [Elva Xiao]

i have no idea how to post a youtube video on this new blogger.
and i'm hating it!!!!

w-inds. new PV hanamuke is out already ne~~!!
and i can't post it up?!?!?!
*curse*curse*curse*

YOU HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO VISIT THE BELOW LINK.
http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/rkIS1OHwAEA/
SINCE I CAN'T POST IT UP.

anyways.

the PV's really got a sad touch to it lah. the song, the people, the scenery... huah everything is so sombre. a few scenes remind me of 'Pieces' though the atmosphere is entirely different. for a devoted w-inds. fanatic like me, this PV is really a very different (and also a rather significant) change in their style. and the last scene where they all turned and walked away... i got really really sad cuz it's like the last thing i ever want to see... okay maybe it's just the song getting into me.

haiii. a little emo.

life has been starting at around 4pm for me over the last few days and it has something to do with me sleeping at 4-5am every morning lah, doing whatever that comes to my mind. i'm finally getting the idea that this is how it is like to rot and slack. it would be okay if it's just for a few days, but i guess i've reached my limit.

i'm rotting, i'm getting fat and i can feel the mould growing on me.

before you start accusing me of being a loner or a slacker with no intention of getting a job, i have to first declare that job-hunting is over and all my friends are either happily mugging their time away in their schools or enjoying their work or ns experience somewhere and i can't expect them to keep me company everyday can i. it doesn't make sense to make someone rot together with you too.

work for me starts next month at my mum's office and it feels strange actually. after all the dressing up for job interviews during the job hunting period, i got a job through my mum's connections. not that i'm very unhappy with the job but... okay my english is really going down the drain. i can't word my thoughts.

it takes alot to be able to grow out of your sanctuary, especially if you are weak-willed. maybe i should consider just flying off somewhere and then finally get the sense that i have to be on my own. but still, there would be the big question mark as to whether i would be able to survive on my own. a job interview at my mum's office (another one) recently really seriously dampened all my thoughts about finally growing up and achieving things for myself. i can't believe how badly i fouled it up, and it was under my mum's recommendation too. a sore reminder that i'm just an average among the many better averages, or maybe even less of an average among them all. i have no wish to be anyone big, but i can't even get a job for myself and this makes the latter assumption seem to be more of a fact than an assumption. my self-confidence has now hit rock bottom.

reminds me of the time when huichun said that she can't imagine me working. i am starting to understand the statement. haiii. 原来你都知道。

and perhaps it is due to such feelings that i am suddenly developing a tremendous fear of receiving my results in march. i know my GP's definitely gone from the fact that i exceeded my summary by like 25++ words and didn't have time to submit even an average AQ, and on top of that: i did the technology question. so getting a B4 will be the greatest blessing that someone up there has ever given me; ie, i think it's a C.

what will happen if i foul up the A levels? not getting all As already kicks you out of the best deals, getting a crap mark for GP narrows it down by a unbelievably wide margin, and if you foul it all up no one will have anything to say to you. perhaps many will say that academics are not everything. true, but you can't deny that academics is the entry ticket to everything that you might have to use your EQ for in the future. i'm not a pessimist, and i like to daydream alot too, and this proves that you don't need a realist to recognise these hard facts.

there's more to life.
something i repeat to myself very often recently.
but i can't reach them.
i would like to add the 'yet' behind very much.

haiii. a little emo still.

okays, first driving lesson tomorrow and i hope i don't bang like someone did on his first day with his first car in the carpark while adjusting his air-con today.

i've told the whole world you've got your license so they'll figure it out.
*sniggers*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Saturday, January 13, 2007

7:13 PM

不在乎真假。 还是幸福。
currently listening to: Seoshi [MC the Max]


--article

在中啊，想对你说，
你是幸福的哦。
双倍的爱，绝对真挚的双倍的爱，李秀满的话一点也没错。
虽然曾因此痛苦过，但若看开了。。。
那你真的是非常非常幸福的哦。

唉~~ 幸福得我好想哭。
感动-ing... jaejoong FIGHTING!! =))

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

3:07 AM

forget about the title
currently listening to: Seoshi [MC the Max]

自信心 -- 0%


有一点羡慕啊。。。

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, January 07, 2007

2:09 AM

ハナムケ
Hanamuke [w-inds.]

i found the translation for hanamuke!!
*jumps around*

i knew it was a sad song from the way it sounded different from the usual.
but man, the lyrics are really...
... i feel endeared to the 3 of them all over again.


Hanamuke
w-inds.

如樱花般绽放又转瞬即逝
只不过数次相逢 就要离别
you know it,too

要是不能排除寂寞
就请把我的思念一起带走吧
I have to go

（现在期待着在未来）
能够和你再相逢
（因为你无可替代的）
you know, you know

饯别之时 像往常一样 说着再见
（don't ever say good-bye）
仿佛明天还会再见面
（don't ever say good-bye）
don't ever say good-bye

就算梦想会破灭 也请坚持到最后
轻易地说出 不管是谁都要努力加油
I used to do
无论是朋友还是恋人
能够守候的 只有时间

（若是有什么必须放弃）
就算无法改变之时到来
（也请不要伤心绝望）
NO NO NO

饯别之时 请不要流泪
让我看到你的笑颜
（don't say good-bye）
到今天为止 以后再也不能见面
即使明白也
（please say good-bye）
please say good-bye
（想和你在一起）

你的脸颊上
附着几片花瓣
你却未意识到

到今天为止
以后再也不能见面
因为明白 所以饯别之时
请和往日一样 说着再见
仿佛明天还会再见面
（don't ever say good-bye）
don't ever say good-bye


it will happen won't it.
it will happen very soon.
lots and lots of times.

so let us try to get stronger.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, January 05, 2007

8:56 PM

a subtle feel of change
This Damned Love [Lee Soo Young]

i just have to make a quick post about this before an idiot comes home and invades my privacy again.

so i was with xinwei and tingxu chatting about the good old times today.
never stopped talking, on and on and on until it was time to go on separate ways again.
realised that other than the memories, we were talking alot about the future as well.
somehow it becomes more serious, less joking, and much more practical and realistic.
the stuff that happened around us, and the stuff that are going to happen.
kind of makes you scared, but still...

such is life.
i sound so old har.

and on the way home on the mrt with aboone something really funny happened.
i forgot that she's alighting at pasir ris.
so i got off at tampines expecting her to be behind me.
but when i turned around, no one was behind me!
so i started looking around, waited at a corner, feeling strange.
then it was only until i reached the barriers that i remembered that she's still on the mrt.
then i laughed like siao lah!
i didn't even say goodbye and was waiting there with the blur look on my face.
i laughed all the way from the station to the interchange, and was still laughing on the bus.
i was so afraid that the people around me would think that i'm crazy so i called aboo and said i have to talk to her on the phone otherwise people will really think i'm some woodbridge escapee.
apparently she was having a good laugh too.
i was laughing so hard with a red red face sumore.
met aidil on the way sumore!
laughed until i couldn't really carry out a conversation with him.
couldn't help myself.

i wonder why this always happens when i hang out with aboo.
*muahahhaha*

but still, the day ended on a serious note.
lalala... it's okay.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Monday, January 01, 2007

1:47 AM

2007, here i come~~
currently listening to: Hawaian Couple [Humming Urban Stereo]

Happy 2007 !!!

recalling 2006, it was a rather tiring year, with the stress and the workload and the self-reprimanding, mostly stemming from the dreaded A's that we're so thankfully done with. well, maybe not really 'done with' considering we haven't received our results... but at least the mugging is over, and the mugging is what i consider the real ordeal.

2006 was spent in school, by the study desks, and on the bed with hardly any dreams at all cuz your head's too filled with the books. i wonder why i didn't get nightmares... i guess it's just in me to not let anything disturb my sleep, even if it means that two alarm clocks had very unfortunately sounded their last in their attempt to wake me up. and then there came the first major major test in life that would probably decide whether you make it to your dreams or just be forced to get contented with some sideline job that you'd never imagined yourself undertaking. ahh.. maybe there's still a chance of retaking the exam, but for a weak-willed person like me, i might not be able to get out of the dissapointment to be of much use at all. but let's leave that till march shall we.

and i would say 2006 was a year of sacrifices. i have to admit that i did not sacrifice as much as i ought to, with my routine (and very frequent) usage of the computer and prolonged sleeping hours... BUT, there was the significant reduction in time spent on anime and manga, doramas, w-inds.-ing and staring blankly into space (which is one of my favourite past times). so significant that i found it hard to get back on track sometimes. can you believe there was a reduction in w-inds.-ing? *knocks myself on the head* there must be something seriously wrong with my mental condition.

time spent with friends would be another sacrifice that was made, i would say, rather subconsciously. everyone's busy and stressed up with school that 2006 really was a year with very minimal outings and hanging out with friends. other than with my happy family (most of the time spent together was during study too), i felt like i haven't seen the pigs and the lamer gang for years. regina and juliana... well, they came over to study all the time but i don't think we had really gone out on a real outing then. so 2006 was really spent with the books, and the notes, and more books and notes. we all developed strong and flexible wrists, mastered the skill of writing at lightning speed, perfected the art of time management, invented numerous ways of staying awake during late nights, had our brain expanded by a few millimetres, and all these was exhausted in a 39-hour exam that we end up having much regrets about (at least for me). and for these 39 hours i used up approximately 7200 hours that could have been spent to make me happier hanging out with my treasured friends.

and also with family. cuz i'm always at the study table while they are all having a nice chat in the living room. not to mention my very frequent tantrums when i get too stressed up by the workload.

well, we all gotta comply with life. a thought that has been going through my mind many many times since the exams are over. sacrifices are inevitable, but at least i got to make up for it. there was a tad more family time than usual. and the post-exam days were really... spent outside the house. *muahahhaa*

so what will be in store for me in 2007? i'm expecting major change, major disappointments, major setbacks, and a lot of growth. it might be a rather pessimistic outlook of the year, but knowing myself, i'm very sure, almost 90% sure, that all my predictions will come true. but i'm also thinking that maybe these won't be such bad things after all cuz i really need to grow up soon.

5 years, or maybe just 2 years ago, i would never imagine myself wanting to grow up. if there's anything i really hate, then i would say i can't stand change. i hate it when friends become different, when surroundings become alien, when the dreams that you shared with your friend years ago now become seen as childish by the latter. i totally detested the fact that things around me are changing and this has happened so many times. so much as i've tried to remain the same to everyone and everything else, insisted on using the same things and having the same interests for as long as i could, everything and everyone else is still changing... including me. and then there's the nagging thought that i'm being left far behind from the world's pace.

we gotta deal with change, much as i still really dislike it. maybe it's the tough year i've had, but i'm really finally starting to comply with the fact. it's the cowardice and fear of having the face up to the significance of change that i'll have to overcome. it's the independence that i'll have to learn. it's the perseverance and determination that i'll have to pick up. it's the growing up that i'll finally have to accept.

and 2007 will be the year where it all starts.

ahh... i'm hoping that this might actually be a positive statement more than a normative one. because i usually end up deviating far far away from my original aim for every year. resolutions? umm... to get a job, to spend more time with family and friends, to never stop w-inds.-ing, to learn as much as i can.

hopefully.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。