rojak rojak rojak.

currently listening to: ライラライ [Ayaka]

if trying to say a few words is so hard... then maybe i shouldn't even have tried to in the first place. let's go back to the beginning shall we?

it seems even more difficult to start blogging after having gone stale (eh.. stale??) for so long. can't seem to get myself back to the blogging mode, especially when i'm thinking of going out all the time. *muahahahas*

but i want to go out with the lamer gang!!! haven't been able to go out on a single outing with them so far and this makes me rather sad. sometimes i really think we're drifting apart with the physical distance that exists among us, and the fact that we are in entirely different surroundings interacting with different groups of people which gradually becomes our priority. i can understand cuz even i drift off track sometimes, but i'd get really guilty about it some time later, especially when i find myself flipping through the photos we took at the beach and laughing to myself over every one of them.

have we really moved on? something i heard from tingxu some time ago. i was really surprised to know that aboo felt that way, and i really wanted to just meet up with her to tell her that it isn't so. but sometimes when things happen, and you start to question your belief and get really sad about it, then finally you find yourself unable or not daring to say much for fear of finding yourself denying the truth.

but friendship isn't only about meeting up isn't it. maybe we have moved on, but we have shared so many happy times together, times that we can only share with one another and no one else, and maybe for me... that's enough. the way that we interact with one another will always be different from the way we face other friends. i'm still feeling nostalgic, but i'm a nostalgic person anyway so don't mind me.

maybe we need more trust. trust that is enough for us to always confide our deepest fears and worries and problems to one another. trust that we will always stand by one another. to always think of one another as a shelter when we run into problems. so to the four of you: i'll always be here listening okay? don't ever think i don't care.

now moving on to daily life, i thought i will never be caught dead studying now that i'm finally done with the A's, but it seems like my desire to study is stronger than ever right now. *muahahaha* irony. not to the dry subjects of economics or *bleh* literature or the likes, but really to the areas which i've always held an interest for. boring? maybe.

i've always thought that living life to the fullest involves alot of physical activity... like travelling to places and doing stuff like bungee jumping or the likes... but an advertisement that i saw recently changed my definition of the phrase. simple things like reading or daydreaming or going shopping with close friends are all stuff that can make one feel fufilled. it's the perspective and the attitude that matters. of course, i can't force myself to think that the studying i've done makes me feel fulfilled, but this is a part that everyone will have to comply with in life unless you are really willing to let go of everything (and have the capability to do so too). but at least, if i can feel happy about the things i do, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it might be, i think i'm living my life to the fullest even if i have not bungee jumped in my entire life.

but it's kind of early to say so since i'm only eighteen. i can understand if anyone disagrees cuz i do admit that i'm leading a life without much hardships so far.

ahhh. i want to work. gosh the fact that i haven't been able to find any decent job opportunities really frustrates me. i have half a year to spend excuse me!! i missed the chance to gift wrap at taka too. *hits chest repeatedly in grief* that's my dream job since primary two. i'll have to start work in january no matter what... i have to start work in january no matter what... i have to start work in january no matter what... *chants*

any job opportunities, please contact xinyi at the given number in your phonebooks.

i'm *coughs* rather desperate.

oh, keita-san's album is out already. i still feel funny when i see him alone. sometimes still a little angry too. BUT!!! he's still my favourite singer still. ahh... nono, he's my second favourite because w-inds. will always be in the first place. *nods head firmly*

and i swear i'm getting addicted to korean songs. i can't believe i'm saying this. *tears out hair* but i have to admit that the korean singers really have the stuff it takes to be singers. i mean, i've seen many many, both chinese and japanese, singers who can't sing at all yet their albums are selling like hotcakes. i used to think it was the same with koreans too, but i'm really surprised by what i hear. when i first heard tvxq (or dbsk), i was really attracted by their voices, then i got moved by their history and the friendship that they share. but when i start to get in touch with other korean singers, it seems like tvxq is not the only group that really knows how to sing because there are singers who are better than them too. in short, i like what i'm hearing.

ahh.. but i still have to announce that i'm very much into tvxq right now. i don't quite know why i'm so addicted- maybe it's their voices, or their friendship, or their personalities, or even their looks. whatever. i'm just very addicted and i don't think it'll wear off any time soon. i get very affected by whatever that happens to them, like jaejoong's case with his biological father, or yunho's poisoning case and the fact that he's in the hospital right now, or changmin's problem with his popularity. yet, unlike my obsession with w-inds., i won't rush to orchard just to buy their photos or posters or concert goods, i won't even surf the net for their pictures or schedule. i'm just very concern about whatever that happens to them, the songs they produce, the programs they attend. and this is making me very worried because i think i'm developing stalker symptoms.

*frowns*

but whatever lah. i'm addicted. so be prepared to get alot of tvxq from me.

oh and i'm setting off for hong kong this thursday.
back on the 18th yep.
this time i'm gonna find that donald duck wallet no matter what.
gosh this is really a long rojak post.
till next time lah har.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。