Monday, December 25, 2006
10:17 PM
random thoughts
currently listening to: I'll Be There [TVXQ]look there!!it's been a long time...
somehow i don't dream of you yep.
gosh is this how it feels?
i wish i could do apparition.
looks like it's not it either.
maybe i should rid the protection.
let's grow up soon.
pardon me. sorting out my thoughts.
ahh merry christmas once again!
記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。
Sunday, December 24, 2006
11:38 PM
outside the snow is falling and friends are calling yoohoo~~~currently listening to: My Everything [CSJH]Merry Christmas!!!i'm late with my xmas cards and letters this year.
erm, think i might be writing them on xmas day itself. heh.
so it's a quiet christmas since i'm not celebrating it anywhere this year.
maybe it's sign that i should start studying for that basic theory test.
i have like... only 5 days left?
maybe it's the weather.
or maybe it's because i'm writing xmas letters.
but i'm getting alot of thoughts these days.
and when you think too much, you tend to get rather emotional after a while.
and end up with a headache too.
sheesh.
can you think simple.
it's not good to use your brain all the time you know.
that's why i say....
I SHOULD REALLY GET A JOB.
work, work, work the brooding away~
merry christmas people~!!!
just look at those stars =))
記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。
Thursday, December 21, 2006
12:20 AM
before i say anything else...currently listening to: My Everything [CSJH]THANK YOU!!!thank you guys so much for the kboxing and the present!!
haven't had so much fun for such a long time.
haven't received such a meaningful present before.
haven't talked so much non-stop since sec school days.
haven't truly appreciated what i had around me as well.
i'm really touched lah.
for someone who always used to weigh her presents by cost, today was really a turning point for me. it's kinda embarrassing for me to say this but yep, regardless of whether i'm the giver or the receiver, i always used to weigh presents by cost. i've tried buying expensive presents for others before, i've tried making meaningful presents for others before, i've also tried not giving any present at all (*muahaha*)... but for me to receive such a present is a first. and i've never ever felt the unbelievable sincerity that such a present could bring to one.
thinking back, most of my presents are things that i shamelessly drop numerous amounts of hints to make people know that i am in 'dire need' of it. never have i been given anything hand-made because i am always very particular about the cost (*muahahaha*). but the frame today was really something that moved me. it's not just a simple collage filled with our precious moments, but also of many many w-inds. pictures that filled nearly three-quarters of the collage.
it might seem like a simple collage to anyone else. but it actually meant their understanding and concern towards me. so sincere that i can't believe they actually made effort to understand me. recalling michelle's words earlier on...
we actually wanted to make one with all our own photos on it, but we thought you would be scared by our faces everytime you woke up so we decided to put up w-inds. as well so you can have a happier day ahead.it was all in a joking tone when she said that. i don't know how i manage to contain myself but i really wanted to just hug her and cry then. they knew that i'm so madly obsessed with w-inds. that they made a collage with more of w-inds. than themselves. they wanted to recap the memories in the frame but they made so much way for w-inds. that it ended up occupying 3/4 of the board. they tended so well to my likes and dislikes that i'm getting so touched and guilty at the same time.
touched because i never thought i possessed such friendship.
guilty because i made them think that w-inds. is more important than them.a few days ago i found this 'success cup' that tingxu gave me a few years back. something for me to note down my successes in life. i stared at it and wondered how come i'd never used it before. i thought, maybe it's because i haven't ever had any successes in life yet. kinda sad, got depressed for awhile, something struck. i stared at the cup again. and i thought to myself, how come it's at the bottom of the closet?
it's then that i recall what kind of a friend i've been. someone who would shamelessly remind others of her own birthday and forget everyone else's. someone who would throw tantrums at her friends and not bothering to say sorry. someone who would contact her friends only when there's a need to. someone who can be oblivious to the feelings of others. someone who would put studying before outings with friends. someone who would only blabber on and on about w-inds. and drag her friends on her w-inds shopping trip when she feels like it. someone who actually weighed her friends' presents by cost.
in contrast, when i complained that we haven't been to kbox for such a long time, a kbox outing was arranged and all set the moment i returned from hong kong. with a surprise birthday celebration and handmade present in the package. steamboat dinners were postponed.. trips to malaysia were postponed.. friend who was going abroad the very next day turned up.. friend who had to rush off to her church event made her way there.. and then they all said
happy birthday.gratitude. so overwhelmed by emotions.
before i get all teary-eyed again, let me just talk about the temasek sec band concert that i rushed off to after kboxing.
as usual, i was there because ruiqi was performing.
i don't know how to appreciate band music but i did enjoy the music.
and i didn't feel bored at any time at all, which certainly is something.
but it's a little different from the previous time.
during 'offstrings', i never thought that the girl sitting right in front with the clarinet would be such a close friend to me one year later. i never thought that a certain percussionist would end up being in the same chinese class with me. but today, i'm looking at the stage not only for my beloved cousin's performance, but also at more familiar, endearing faces that i can identify with. who knows i might end up knowing more of them in the university? *muahahhaa* it's remarkable the way fate works.
and then there was interaction with the family. i have to admit i'm a rather 'cold' person at home. i don't talk to my family much about myself or anything else. but tonight was a little different in that i kept talking and laughing and talking and laughing. maybe it was the after-effect of being overwhelmed by emotions back at kbox earlier on, but i have to admit it was a rather jolly dinner that we had tonight. in contrast to the fact that we always have our dinners separately at home, tonight was rather different, and i didn't feel as weird as i thought i would. in fact, i kinda thought that it was fun. but it's always this way with the family-- mixed emotions that you can never fully express, or want to express. kinship? i don't think i can ever figure it out. it's complex.
come to think of it, the world's really small. or maybe it's singapore that's small because everyone seems to be linked to one another somehow. just look at friendster. family can be linked to friends. primary schoolmates can be linked to secondary school mates. secondary schoolmates to tertiery schoolmates. the list goes on. just like the kbox earlier on with a mixture of primary and secondary schoolmates. a band concert with family and friends. a mahjong session a few days back with primary, secondary and JC schoolmates. what will come next? it's a world full of coincidences.
shucks. i haven't started on my xmas cards.
記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。
Monday, December 11, 2006
11:22 PM
w-inds. 22nd single!!!currently listening to: HanaMuke [w-inds.]i've been waiting so long for this...
well, maybe not really THAT long.
but to me it really seemed like eternity.
w-inds. is gonna come up with a new single soon!!!!
17 january 2007!!!
hanamuke!!!!i have the trial version!!!
SO NICE!!!i have to comment on keita's singing.
he's improving. he's really improving.
i can feel so much more from the song.
*nods head*
我们庆太真是不一样了呢..
不是感慨而是感动 =))
i'm very happy okay.
very very very super happy.
*SMILES*
記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。
Sunday, December 10, 2006
11:52 PM
rojak rojak rojak.currently listening to: ライラライ [Ayaka]if trying to say a few words is so hard... then maybe i shouldn't even have tried to in the first place. let's go back to the beginning shall we?it seems even more difficult to start blogging after having gone stale (eh.. stale??) for so long. can't seem to get myself back to the blogging mode, especially when i'm thinking of going out all the time. *muahahahas*
but i want to go out with the lamer gang!!! haven't been able to go out on a single outing with them so far and this makes me rather sad. sometimes i really think we're drifting apart with the physical distance that exists among us, and the fact that we are in entirely different surroundings interacting with different groups of people which gradually becomes our priority. i can understand cuz even i drift off track sometimes, but i'd get really guilty about it some time later, especially when i find myself flipping through the photos we took at the beach and laughing to myself over every one of them.
have we really moved on? something i heard from tingxu some time ago. i was really surprised to know that aboo felt that way, and i really wanted to just meet up with her to tell her that it isn't so. but sometimes when things happen, and you start to question your belief and get really sad about it, then finally you find yourself unable or not daring to say much for fear of finding yourself denying the truth.
but friendship isn't only about meeting up isn't it. maybe we have moved on, but we have shared so many happy times together, times that we can only share with one another and no one else, and maybe for me... that's enough. the way that we interact with one another will always be different from the way we face other friends. i'm still feeling nostalgic, but i'm a nostalgic person anyway so don't mind me.
maybe we need more trust. trust that is enough for us to always confide our deepest fears and worries and problems to one another. trust that we will always stand by one another. to always think of one another as a shelter when we run into problems. so to the four of you: i'll always be here listening okay? don't ever think i don't care.
now moving on to daily life, i thought i will never be caught dead studying now that i'm finally done with the A's, but it seems like my desire to study is stronger than ever right now. *muahahaha* irony. not to the dry subjects of economics or *bleh* literature or the likes, but really to the areas which i've always held an interest for. boring? maybe.
i've always thought that living life to the fullest involves alot of physical activity... like travelling to places and doing stuff like bungee jumping or the likes... but an advertisement that i saw recently changed my definition of the phrase. simple things like reading or daydreaming or going shopping with close friends are all stuff that can make one feel fufilled. it's the perspective and the attitude that matters. of course, i can't force myself to think that the studying i've done makes me feel fulfilled, but this is a part that everyone will have to comply with in life unless you are really willing to let go of everything (and have the capability to do so too). but at least, if i can feel happy about the things i do, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it might be, i think i'm living my life to the fullest even if i have not bungee jumped in my entire life.
but it's kind of early to say so since i'm only eighteen. i can understand if anyone disagrees cuz i do admit that i'm leading a life without much hardships so far.
ahhh. i want to work. gosh the fact that i haven't been able to find any decent job opportunities really frustrates me. i have half a year to spend excuse me!! i missed the chance to gift wrap at taka too. *hits chest repeatedly in grief* that's my dream job since primary two. i'll have to start work in january no matter what... i have to start work in january no matter what... i have to start work in january no matter what... *chants*
any job opportunities, please contact xinyi at the given number in your phonebooks.
i'm *coughs* rather desperate.
oh, keita-san's album is out already. i still feel funny when i see him alone. sometimes still a little angry too. BUT!!! he's still my favourite singer still. ahh... nono, he's my second favourite because w-inds. will always be in the first place. *nods head firmly*
and i swear i'm getting addicted to korean songs. i can't believe i'm saying this. *tears out hair* but i have to admit that the korean singers really have the stuff it takes to be singers. i mean, i've seen many many, both chinese and japanese, singers who can't sing at all yet their albums are selling like hotcakes. i used to think it was the same with koreans too, but i'm really surprised by what i hear. when i first heard tvxq (or dbsk), i was really attracted by their voices, then i got moved by their history and the friendship that they share. but when i start to get in touch with other korean singers, it seems like tvxq is not the only group that really knows how to sing because there are singers who are better than them too. in short, i like what i'm hearing.
ahh.. but i still have to announce that i'm very much into tvxq right now. i don't quite know why i'm so addicted- maybe it's their voices, or their friendship, or their personalities, or even their looks. whatever. i'm just very addicted and i don't think it'll wear off any time soon. i get very affected by whatever that happens to them, like jaejoong's case with his biological father, or yunho's poisoning case and the fact that he's in the hospital right now, or changmin's problem with his popularity. yet, unlike my obsession with w-inds., i won't rush to orchard just to buy their photos or posters or concert goods, i won't even surf the net for their pictures or schedule. i'm just very concern about whatever that happens to them, the songs they produce, the programs they attend. and this is making me very worried because i think i'm developing stalker symptoms.
*frowns*
but whatever lah. i'm addicted. so be prepared to get alot of tvxq from me.
oh and i'm setting off for hong kong this thursday.
back on the 18th yep.
this time i'm gonna find that donald duck wallet no matter what.
gosh this is really a long rojak post.
till next time lah har.
記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。
9:58 AM
prom photos~currently listening to: ライラライ [Ayaka]
prom photos
here! well, only some of them.
will add more soon.
i'm really too lazy to say much about it.
just that it was really rather fun.
a dazzling night.
more that what i expected.
with alot alot alot of great prizes.
which i didn't get a single one of it.
that's the sad part.
top prize was minimum $500 cheque from the principal!
i wanna cry.
*sobx*
but i enjoyed it nonetheless.
i thought the food was great.
ritz carlton ne!
took lots and lots of photos with so many people.
this is the happy part.
but most of it with other cameras.
so i don't know which cameras have my face in it.
send me if you have any okay?
the best part was the after-prom mahjong session at jingfang's place.
we didn't sleep a wink.
but i really enjoyed it.
*smiles*
but i ended up pangseh-ing tingxu and carine the next day.
wanted to go home to sleep for an hour after mahjong-ing.
end up sleeping 6 whole hours.
missed the breakfast date with the 2 of them.
tingxu was flying off too.
grrrr.
i'm such a bad friend.
haven't apologised to carine too.
I'M SUCH A BAD FRIEND!!!!!!
*bawls*
forgive me!!!
*hits chest in agony*
記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。
