blogging is pleasure-- randomness.

currently listening to: Colorful [Yamashita Tomohisa]

the Musical Synergy concert at VCH was an experience.
an experience of being in the limelight...
...carrying and arranging chairs in front of almost half the school's population and MP Mah Bow Tan.
and squatting in the VCH carpark and running frantically for carpark lots with our cones.

huahhh... not exactly glamorous huh.

all the while praying that macey's not at the concert.
god please please please tell me he wasn't there.

but like khai said, someone has to do the sk.
*weeps together with jingfang and khai*

"i should've just bought the tickets larr. kena cheated."

this is what you get when you try to be miserly and save on a $10-ticket.
5Cs: Coordinate Chairs, Cars and Cones for Concert. ie SK.
[derived together with lynette]

not an easy job i tell you.
we messed up quite a number of times.
um, sometimes it wasn't entirely our fault too.

anyways, it's over.
and i'll never be stingy with $10 ever again.

oh i'm doing volleyball this term!
it's been so long, and quite alot of painful memories too.
but i'm really enjoying the sport right now
it's like the highlight of every week.
even though i'm always hurting my hand after the sessions.

school's getting more 'school-like' recently.
i guess everyone's bugged by the A's.
i'm starting to feel like i can't make it again.
haii.

walking around in school is becoming a chore too.
cuz i'm always hoping that i'll see macey somewhere along the way.
i'm starting to think that i shouldn't be too greedy.
just count myself lucky if i see him.
but if i don't i shouldn't force it.
i have this funny feeling he's irritated.
either that or he's uncomfortable with it.
and that makes me uncomfortable too.

so even though i have only 54 days left.
i'm just gonna let it go and let nature take its course.
it's more of a delusion actually. i know it.
what's not meant to be will not be.
it's not good to always feel so disheartened as well.

perhaps fate has something else in store for me.

hmmmm.
guess i won't be blogging for quite a while.
unless i have extreme fluctuations in my mood.
mugging mugging mugging.
i wanna be even more muggy-ish lah.

counting down.
i have this many days left in JC ne.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, July 28, 2006

5:27 PM

随缘

currently listening to: Liu Lang De Di Tu[Stefanie Sun]


命里有时终须有，命里无时莫强求。

读书吧。

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

10:15 PM

the countdown begins.

currently listening to: Xiang Xin Wei Lai [Dong Jing Yue Tuan]

today is a rather tough day.
i'm hurting everywhere.
can't believe how many times i tripped today.
and i think i got sunburnt.

headache from band and guitar music.
toes ache from breaking nail.
face hurts from peeling nose.
hands hurt from spiking volleyballs.
[and catching the netballs aggravated it.]

bloated stomach from fish&co.
bet it's gonna hurt again tomorrow.

one whole day wasted on music synergy backstage rehearsal.
one whole night wasted on pigging out at fish&co.
this is worrying.

i gotta get back to mugging.
99 98 days.

PS: aboo, i got your message. but only just 5 minutes ago. heh. thanks ne! i love you lots too. maybe we can meet up for alrina's birthday? pipi was telling me about her present liao. *wahahaa*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

10:04 PM

i'm thinking too much.

currently listening to: Key to My Heart [Mai Kuraki]

i came up with a few conclusions recently.
it's either he doesn't know it at all.
or that he knows it and is irritated by it.
why do i feel that the latter seems to be what is happening now.

it's always like that.
it goes up and then it comes down again hard.
i'm always getting the i-am-so-happy feeling for a few days.
then down with the why-am-i-doing-this feeling after that.
then i back to the i-am-so-happy mode.
then again to the why-am-i-doing-this mode.
the cycle continues.

maybe it's because to me he seems to be changing all the time as well.
it's so unnerving everytime we meet.
sometimes i even try to run away from it.
might be because i didn't want to know his reaction.
... or be faced with the lack of it.

okay so that's it.
i'm scared.

why am i so... urgghh.

i don't think i should try to rationalise.
but can't i be more 'normal' with such stuff.
i can't understand why i'm so so so concerned.

and there's no guarantee that he is still him.
as in the him in primary school.
what if he's no longer what he was?

it's a disheartening thought.
really disheartening.

i'm only looking at him and telling myself that's him.
but i know too that i can never be sure.
maybe memories are the stuff that really got me so engrossed.

i think i am really overly concerned.
get back to studying lah.
think so much.
*shakes head*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Thursday, July 20, 2006

10:01 PM

save my brain save my brain.

currently listening to: Key to My Heart [Mai Kuraki]

mr brain is really overheating.

ms lam's literature lesson today made me really wanna mug for lit.
which is rare.
maybe i was traumatised by the crap mark i got for the lit essay.

so i was thinking that i'd prolly start on it the moment i got home.
the enthusiasm level was still there.

but.

i rested. i slacked. i watched tv. i snacked.
2 hours gone.

then literature felt like a drag all over again.

... is it just me or is it my environment.
maybe i should consider staying back in school on thursdays.

i am seriously fagged.
i know i've said this like a million times already.
but i am STILL fagged.

and when i'm tired i don't wanna do work.
and when i don't wanna do work i feel slack.
and when i feel slack i feel worthless.

well, at least this is how it's like during this A level period.

gosh i so regret not working harder in J1.

i'm starting to feel that 4 As and 2 AOs are really alot.
AO subjects are okay i think.
but if i work on all 4 As, i'll most prolly get all Cs for the A-levels.
not exactly comforting huh.

i'm so sick of feeling worthless and complaining about it.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

6:32 PM

something mr reynolds said during the lit lecture.

currently listening to: Key to My Heart [Mai Kuraki]

to be reasonable is to be discontented.

*ponders*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

10:16 PM

dog-tired. wasted. fagged.

currently listening to: Cherish [Otsuka Ai]

gosh i am so so so exhausted.
today was a short day but i am half-dead.
stared at the history sbq with the incredible urge to not attempt it.
silas marner is still lying there untouched.
i finally have time to do some revision but i can't.

so i hereby announce that i've done nothing today.
other than going to school.

.......



i want to be hardworking.
i want to mug my remaining year away.
how come i can't do it.

*drops dead on the ground*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

6:11 PM

i'm dressing myself with hippos

currently listening to: Cherish [Otsuka Ai]

i think i have to face it.
i can't bring myself to look at you.
as if it's some kind of taboo or forbidden act.
like something that i don't want to have too much of even though i would like it very much.

and yes it's funny why it sounds extremely gothic.
heh.

i can't understand why either.
i'm on the verge of kicking myself for acting this way.
there's only like 60 days left?

but i am very certain.
even though i don't look at you.
i'm smiling to myself after each encounter.
joy, that's something i can't suppress.

i was happy.

though never once did you notice it, i'm just happy to have noticed you.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Monday, July 17, 2006

10:26 PM

*SIGH*

currently listening to: Shen Xin Bu Yi [Tanya Chua]

the typical life of an average JC student:

mug+crush+homework+complaints+ponlessons+exams+headaches.

do you see any sophistication in these.
do you see any vivacity in these.
do you even see anything in these.

i am discontented.

a few days ago i told my fellow mentor that my definition of success in life was to be contented and satisfied with life itself at last.

note the 'at last'.

then later i asked myself:
... am i asking for too much?

i believe that it's easy to be contented.
i totally agree that it's a state of the mind.
but there are different degrees of contentment, influenced by the type of environment and company that one resides in.

bottom line.

if the stuff around you irks you, there is no contentment in sight.
forget about the state of mind.
it's mental self-torture.

for the student:
if school life irritates you, you can only bear with it.
you're not suppose to be contented.
... yet. maybe.

i'm still a little hopeful for success.

but for now i can't help thinking that life's really tough.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, July 16, 2006

11:59 AM

没脸了 没脸了

currently listening to: Shen Xin Bu Yi [Tanya Chua]

huah.
the thought about yesterday...

SO EMBARRASSING.
丢脸死了.

arghhhh.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

1:00 AM

really rather dissapointed.

currently listening to: Shen Xin Bu Yi [Tanya Chua]

today, or yesterday, was the THC AC Day.
aka Senior-Mentors-Graduate-Finally Day.





i'm suppose to be very happy right?
i thought that today would be a wonderful day.
cuz i'll never be bugged by thc ever again.
but i never expected to feel so cheated today.
my mentees never came when they said they would.

my trust in them has been completely broken.
i hunted around for gifts to thank them.
i waited for them at the mrt station for so long.
then i had to call before i found out that they were not coming.
i never never never expected that they would pangseh me.
especially when we were suppose to give a speech together.

when i heard the news i broke down almost immediately.
wanfung had to run to buy tissue and water for me to 'wash-up'.
and threw in lots of lame comments to make me feel better.
i was still a little affected all throughout the ceremony though.
but thanks lots still cuz it would have been much worse if i had been all alone then.

so what if i've got the cert of distinction?
so what if i've got the outstanding mentor-coordinator award?
i am not a good mentor despite the effort.
today proves it all.

moving on to happier stuff,
today was also Li's 18th Birthday Celebration!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIPING!!!
[IN ADVANCE]

had dinner at billy bombers heerens.
it's always so nice to meet up with old friends.
they can just make you joke and laugh despite how low you are actually feeling.

anyway.
i really shouldn't care anymore.
i'm outta thc, outta mentoring, outta all these stuff.
even though thc still had to make me cry in the end, it's all over.
i'm suppose to be very happy okayy.

now let's see if i can get back to mugging.
i've been so off-track recently.
i just can't settle down to work on the stuff once and for all.
gosh this is really very baaad.
i'm worried. BBCEA1C5 is not seriously not good.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

9:09 PM

heh!!!

currently listening to: Shen Xin Bu Yi [Tanya Chua]

OH MY GOD.
i can't believe that i noticed this only now.
it's been half a year.
and i know so many people in that class too!
if only i can figure out which one...

man, this will take forever.
there goes my mugging for the drcs test tomorrow.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

6:45 PM

tomorrow tomorrow...

currently listening to: Sarang Molah [Lee Junki]

66 days left.
and i still can't do it.
i really dunno what i'm thinking.
it didn't use to be that difficult.

haiyaah.
what's wrong with me har.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, July 09, 2006

9:30 AM

bbq bbq~~

currently listening to: One Word [Lee Junki]

"what i was taught i forgot
what i learnt i remember."

maybe this explains my short-term memory when it comes to studies.
was trying to attempt the econs mcq yesterday and i couldn't remember anything about macroeconomics at all.
this probably means that microeconomics is completely wiped out from my brain already (since that was last year's work).

haii~~ shouldn't have rested during the holidays.
and the amount of studying during the holidays... didn't get me far either.
i am so hating studying.

i guess it's just the post-results syndrome.

anyways, we had our class bbq yesterday evening at mr dan's place.
it was okay, with significantly more class bonding.
lots of jokes, fun and laughter (especially with sarah around).
was busy bbq-ing the food, which didn't work out in the end.
we had to cook with a pathetically small toaster that mr dan had.
but i enjoyed the bbq-ing lah, especially bbq-ing marshmallows.
i swear i'm getting better at it okayy. *looks at emu*
... even though i still burnt four. heh.

we ended around 11pm.
took a cab home with yazzie, alton and jeshua.
the cab fare, with all the increased charges and whatnot, was $15.70.
SO SUPER EXPENSIVE LAR.
but can't be compared to the $18.70 ride i had with peiling.
... or the $5 ride i had with deborah. hmphh.
i dun wanna take cabs anymore. *sobx*

okayy i guess i have to get back to studying already.
the A levels are suddenly becoming so intimidating.
and the workload from economics is.... *gasps for more air*
despite the entire weekend, i haven't cleared my homework.
how great is that. i wonder what happened.
i thought i was suppose to be really mugging.

aww shucks.
have to go pick up the thc certs at city hall later.
there goes more time for study.
*grumbles*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

1:49 AM

you make me smile without knowing it.

currently listening to: One Word [Lee Junki]

i was thinking.

there is only this much time left.
why am i trying to ignore and walk away from?

one month and fourteen days.

i have like another 130++ days left.
and after that i won't be seeing macey ever again.
i'm not even able to deliberately forget his presence then because he won't be there anymore.

so what's wrong with being a little bimbotic?
what's wrong with being a little distraught?
what's wrong with being a little infatuated?
what's wrong with being a little happier?

i thought i was losing myself when i do stuff like this.
i didn't like it because it was so outrightly bimbotic.
but there's not much time left so...
can't i just create more fond memories of this?
this happens like only once in a blue moon.
i get to do this for only another 4 months.
... then i'll never see him again.

and it's been 6 years since we last met.
it was so unbelievable coincidental that we ended up in the same school again.
i guess i should really make more out of this.

i don't care how it turns out.
i don't care that he doesn't even know i'm there.
i just want to be able to remember more of him.

gosh here it goes again.
bimbo post. urgh.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Thursday, July 06, 2006

11:59 PM

this time i really mean that i'm sleepy.

currently listening to: One Word [Lee Junki]

before i start i'd just like to say that...

time is very precious.

um, don't ask me why.
i just realised this suddenly at the bus-stop today.

maybe it's the fact that there's only 118 days left to the A levels.
or maybe it's the fact that i have only around 118 days left with macey.
or maybe it's the fact that i have been staring at the econs TYS for 2 whole hours without actually working on it.

haii~
anyways i'm a little disheartened by my CT results.
they are not very bad, but they're just not good.
the thought that my results have been stagnant since forever is bad.
the thought that i'm always underperforming is bad as well.
or maybe i'm not underperforming... maybe it's actually that i'm just not good.

i guess it's the 'think-alot-then-brood-even-more' day today.

*yawns*
extremely tired.
just finished compiling the othello essay outline.
a ton of homework that i've yet to finish.
and 118 days left to the A levels.

once i go to bed and wake up again, there will be only 117 days left.

-_____________-"

something's wrong with me.

-one month and eleven days-

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

1:27 AM

sleepy.

currently listening to: Sarang Molah [Lee Junki]

back from panorama.
it was okay. a tad above expectations.
which is good i guess.
since i was feeling so much dread before the event.
literally cursing my stupidity for buying the $30 tickets.
(and the view wasn't that good either.)

but i had fun with the class, which i haven't in a long time.
took lots of photos. talked loads of crap.
in the a02 style.

the performance was not bad.
was straining my eyes to look for huichun and lynette.
but still didn't manage to find them.
waited SO long (together with the class) for them to come out,
so we could give them their flowers.

oh and we saw huichun finally after one whole week.
looks like she's super sick lar.
face so pale and everything, i think the only thing normal was her voice.
take care arrh.

ended up going home so late, after supper at macs (aww.. fats).
but peiling and i actually caught a limo cab back home lah!
which was like so zhuan dao-- frantically taking pictures the moment we got on the cab.

oh wait.
was it a limo cab?
it's the super big size white-coloured cab lar.
the one you need $35 to call for.

anyway.
i thought i was gonna mug today.
ended up not having anytime to mug at all.
so i guess i'll just postpone it to tomorrow.
hopefully this won't end up as procrastination.
*gulps*

oh and did i mention macey-lookalike looked really cool at the panorama?
huah... new idol man.
but um yeah, nothing beats the real thing.
*muahahahaa*

erm, it has been 1 month and 9 days i think.
i haven't seen macey at all.
i know that he's there but i've never seen him.
life in school is turning dull.
the air is getting mouldy. the atmosphere more tensed.
schoolwork is making me lose hair (serious okayy).
i don't feel motivated the least bit.
haii~ i seriously don't know what i'm thinking.

today brings with it lots of emotions.
sometimes i think i talk too much.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

12:00 AM

mugging till the end of A's.

currently listening to: Sarang Molah [Lee Junki]

okay i got to start working tomorrow.

i spent the entire youth day...
sleeping, and downloading junki's files.
ie. it was an extremely unproductive day.

mugging starts tomorrow.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Monday, July 03, 2006

6:40 PM

i can finally sleep~~

currently listening to: 127 Day [KangTa & Vaness]

FINALEEEE~~~~

i've finally watched 'King and the Clown'!!!
it's so good okay.
it's so good.

i thought i knew the entire storyline after i've watched so many of its video clips.
but many parts of the movie came as surprises to me.
it was not so much a of gay movie i must say.
it was more concentrated on the korean history--
the corrupted imperial life and the plight of minstrels in those times.
the homosexual theme was portrayed in the most subtle style,
not explicit at all, maybe except for one scene lah.

and although it is a tragedy,
there were many amusing scenes in the movie as well.
or so i think lah.
maybe we were the ones who didn't know how to appreciate...
but i did notice that we were the only ones laughing in the movie.
hee.

and lee junki is hot okay.
i seriously think so.
i thought i was into the Gong-gil character that he played in the movie.
[he really knows how to act. *thumbs up*]
but... gosh i think i'm coming out of my anti-korean stand.
okay maybe i should make him the sole exception.
=D

lalalala~~
i'm so glad i watched the movie.
and i must repeat-- FINALLY i watched the movie.
*jumps around in joy*

thanks so much to michelle, hazel and jiepi!!!
*hugs*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。