i'm an idiot. i'm a incorrigible sloth. i should be dragged to the execution ground to be beheaded.

currently listening to: 遇到 [恶作剧之吻]

i had a literature consultation at 9.30am today.
but i woke up at 5.15pm today.

i'm an idiot. stupid incorrigible sloth. good-for-nothing slacker. i should just jump off the building and die. i'm the laziest most irresponsible person alive on this earth. i'm worthless cuz i love to sleep sleep sleep and sleep my life away. i should just continue sleeping and never wake up. i should just fail my a levels and be a failure for the rest of my life. i'm beyond cure. i'm just a idiotic sloth with zero perserverance and sense of responsibility. i should just be condemned for the rest of my life.

WHAT IS HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.

i skipped the most important consultation that i'll ever have.
i left huichun all alone for the consultation while i slept like a disgusting pig.
i told the whole world to wake me up but they couldn't wake me up.
I AM DAMN ANGRY WITH MY OWN STUPID SELF.

the thing is that i have nobody else to blame for this except me and ME MYSELF. so what if i had been exhausted yesterday? i had already taken a 3-hour nap in the afternoon yesterday and i still woke up at 5.15pm today? what the hell is wrong with me? i can't blame the camp. i can't blame my lack of sleep. i can't blame anyone for not wakimg me up because they tried but i just didn't wake up.

i was sleeping like a stupid idiotic good-for-nothing pig.

i set the alarm, but somehow it was turned off when i woke up at 5.15pm, and i have a feeling that i was the one who did it though i had no impression of it at all. my aunt called me up twice and according to her, i answered her calls but i have no impression of it at all. my grandmother tried me wake up me several times but i was sleeping like a dead corpse and completely have no recollection of anyone trying to wake me up.

why didn't i just die in my sleep.

what the hell is wrong with me.

now i missed the most important consultation that i'll ever have. i'll never know what's wrong with my literature standards, or how to improve it, or how to ever at least secure a D for it. i'll never know where my weaknesses are, i'll never know how to correct them and i'll never never never never ever to able to answer to myself again.

and the worse thing is i left huichun alone to go for the consultation. jingfang was at home cuz she sprained her ankle. huichun called me 4 times but i had switched off my handphone. and now i have this feeling that she is super super angry with me for pangseh-ing her because I MYSELF would be been furious if anyone did that to me. and i didn't give her an explanation all the way until it was 5.15pm. imagine how she would have felt between the period?? how can anyone not be angry? i have just abandoned my good friend for consulation without giving her any explanation then. and what was my eventual apology for the pangseh-ing?? I OVERSLEPT. I TOOTS OVERSLEPT TILL 5.15pm IN THE EVENING. CONSULTATION HAPPENED 8 HOURS AGO.

I AM DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF.
I AM DAMN ANGRY WITH MY OWN STUPID IRRESPONSIBLE SELF.

and to think i wanted to start the day nicely with me going for consulation then coming home to finally settle down and mug for the common tests. now i have completely no mood for mugging cuz i am just so damn angry with myself. and i will BET you that i'm not going to wake up tomorrow. or the day after tomorrow. or the day after the day after tomorrow. or the day after the day after the day after tomorrow. CUZ I LOVE TO SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP AND SLEEP MY LIFE AWAY. plus i haven't handed in the history SBQ that i did one week ago, which we are suppose to hand in tomorrow. i'm just an idiot. a stupid idiot that should never have been given the privilege to sleep.

I AM DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF.
SO SO SO SO DIGUSTED.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。