can't stand myself

currently listening to: 遇到 [恶作剧之吻]

i'm sorry.
i just couldn't help myself.

when i came to the page so suddenly.
when i saw the photo so suddenly.
i just couldn't bring myself the leave the page.
... the things just came back to me.

it has been a year and a half.
it has also been 6 long years.
the memories, the effort, the pain.
so many times i find myself just looking for him subconsciously.
i guess i can't just forget so easily.

but it is definitely over now.
i mean, there's nothing else i can do.
or anything else that i would want to do either.
i was tired of holding on aimlessly, and he just... forgot.
because i never did anything, i never dared to.
so now i'm completely erased from his mind.

i think i was too young. too stubborn.

but even now when things have changed.
even now when i'm no longer holding on.
i'm doing the same thing-- i'm not doing anything.
so... does this mean that it'll always end up like that for me?

i wonder.
if we happen to cross paths one day.
will he still remember after 6 long years?
what will i do? how will i react?

这么久了还是可以看到
感觉的到你对我的重要
不会被天黑天亮打扰
你每一次的温柔我都想炫耀

something tells me that i'll still not do anything.
i'll just stand there and act as if nothing's wrong.

and then this will have no end.

i will forget this someday. i will forget this someday.
*chants*

... i'm sorry.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。