a break from mugging V

currently listening to: Far Away [Nickelback]

i can't fume?
i can't have a life of my own in my house?
i can't express my emotions here?

i'm not even talking to you.
i'm not even talking to anybody in fact!
i can't even grumble to myself?
i can't even get angry silently to myself?
what, so somehow my so-called 'aura' spreads around the house?
only MY anger 'aura' spreads?

WHAT THE HECK.

can't you just leave me to rot like you always do.

everything is: don't do it.
instead of: why are you doing this.
it's dictatorial. autocratic. totalitarian.
you don't do it their way- off to the execution ground.
i don't own my life.

recently for some reason they try to be nice.
but it feels awkward. really weird. i wanna breakaway.
i keep feeling that they are doing it cuz they want something.
and this means that it's too late.
i can't relate anymore.

i think she realised.
so she's not being so nice anymore.

worse still.
someone who doesn't remember my name.
someone who takes 5 minutes just to remember my birthdate.
someone who hardly talks to me at all.
someone who walks over to my brother even though i'm just beside him.

i'm just someone in the house.
something who sits at the table and mugs all day.
and i wonder why i do it.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。