a break from mugging IV

currently listening to: Far Away [Nickelback]

guilt trip.
i am feeling so guilty already.
my reputation shall be half-gone tomorrow.

but i really need the time...
*kneels down for forgiveness*

=(((

mugging mugging mugging.
but wait a minute.
i'm sure i'm not gonna do well anyway right?
there's too little time left anyway.
then why do this?

... sheesh.
i guess being a guai kia, i just can't let it go.
i just can't stand not studying when the exams are near.

even when i know i'll still get the same marks even if i mug my head off.

...... *sobx*
i don't want myself to be this way either.

*SIGH*



[edited @ 11.35am]

==>i've just read something and i'm rather impressed.
got me thinking. quite alot.
everybody is working hard for the CTs.
working hard even though they are very busy.
no it should be: very busy yet they are working hard.
*sense of admiration*

which makes me think.
i'm not exactly busy, especially now that thc's off my back.
i'm only studying, despite the fact that i have alot of subjects.
there are people who have to study and have a load of stuff to attend to as well.
for example, students involved in college day/panorama are caught up with their practices amidst the common test period.

but they are doing it.
they are not ponning lessons or practices.
they are doing them all.

of course there isn't any guarantee that they'll get good results.
but they impress me because they are persevering.
unlike me, who decided to pon lessons because i can't finish studying for CT.

i'm not busy with anything else at all.
things have not been too bad at home. yet.
so... i'm ponning lessons because i can't finish studying for CT despite the fact that i've not been busy with anything else.

when i put myself beside these people, i feel so inferior.
i was thinking that i could hardly breathe from my tight schedule...
but these people have even tighter schedules and they're not dead yet.

still.
i know that i really need the time tomorrow.
desperately.

i guess it all boils down to attitude and capability.
the fact is that...
these people can do it, but i cannot do it.
and i do feel mediocre.

in terms of mindset and perseverance...
they're up there.
and i'm down at the bottom.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。