super duper wooper cranky

currently listening to: The Phone Ringing
[I Will Never Pick It Up]

GRRRRRR.
i am damn vexed now.
spent the entire evening calling people here and there.
call and call and call and call.
so many stuff to set dates and meetings for.
so many people's schedules to comply with.
call call call call.
i just wanna sleep larr.
*tears out hair*

worse thing is that things simply refuse to be fixed.
not the place. not the date. not the time. not the people.

what's happening!?
the whole world moving too fast!!
i don't mind making a few sacrifices.
to cancel or skip or 'forget' about things in order to prioritize my stuff.
to spend lots of time and money if things can be settled.
i don't mind even if one or two people cannot make it (unless it's the pigs meet).
i can understand perfectly. such things are perfectly normal.
and there are still others right?

BOOOO.
what others?
no others. nobody can make it.
not on any time any day any place.

if it's only one meeting then i don't mind.
i mean one group out of so many,
it's okay right? i can understand completely.
but no.
almost all the groups can't make it.
DIFFERENT groups too.
IT'S ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME.

and i hate it when i naively think that things are finally settled after spending much time and effort,
but it turns out there will always be something that spoils it in the end.
be it so-so who suddenly remembers an event on that time slot.
or something-something that suddenly crops up that day.
or so-so who decides not to turn up after all without even bothering to give a call or sms.
or so-so who refuses to pick up the phone forcing me to believe that it's been stolen.

the whole world's just so 'accidental'.
i know it happens but throw it to me in the face again and again
and i will really just blow up.

okay.
so when things don't work i get cranky.
really cranky.
i wanna cut off the telephone lines.
literally. using the big butcher knife ya.

luckily i managed to piece the pigs meet together.
though i have absolutely no idea what we're suppose to do when we meet.
out of so many so many dates, the 7 of us can only make it together on ONE day.
move it earlier it's gone. push it later it's gone too.
that's lucky.
i really think so.
but i've been through too much to be happy about this.
something will definitely happen that day.
i don't know what.
but definitely.
and then i'll start tearing out my hair again.
the world is too... impromptu.

i'm never gonna get involved again.
not in class. not in ccas. not gatherings. not outings. not reunions.
not anything that requires me to lead.
i'm definitely NOT the leader type.
not the type that can handle so many people.
so next time i should just shut up and not talk so much.
what's with all the 'hey u guys wanna do this?' and 'what do u guys think if we did this?'
why can't i just shut my gap.

when you say something, you are responsible for it girl.
and when you say it first, that's it.
so from now on try to act like you have throat cancer please.
*talking to myself*

i think i realised this long ago.
but it's still too late cuz things are things already.
i think i'm doing a better job now in JC.
new people so i can just shut up (shy mah).
and so i don't get dragged much into such stuff.
the only wrong step was agreeing to help out with the thc stuff one day.
bang! i didn't even know that it will mean that i'll be the MC.
but still it's not too bad since the interact exco is much more taxing.
thank god i went for the china trip when they selected the exco.
otherwise i may suffer from hair loss already.
(from *tears out hair*-ing too much)

count myself lucky to have had 2 weeks of time slacking around at home.
i have absolutely no idea why i thought that i was having too little outings.
when they come, they come in a PACK.
i will never ever think that i am too free again.

okay.
so i admit that i'm easily stressed-out.
but that's me.
i can get headaches even from being a teeny weeny lit rep!!!
argh.
i think some counselling is in order.
i have the desire to be away from my world.

where are you when i need someone to complain to.
i don't want you far away.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。