SHINOBI!!

currently listening to: Heaven [Ayumi Hamasaki]





i think Shinobi's gonna be so nice lah! especially when yukie nakama's in it too. ^^
wonder when it'll finally come to singapore.
-____-
maybe my best bet is on the release of its DVD or something.

and i think i wasted today in school too. the lessons were rather unproductive for me, the teachers (esp gay) are like treating me as if i'm non-existent despite me desperately trying to get his attention to ask for my SBQ essay. ok, maybe it was too soft. but i did wave my hands like a crazy girl though.

i realised that there's still soo much to revise for and i'm only halfway through everything. wonder if i should have chosen science and taken my chances with math. there is just so much essay writing and analysis and memorizing in the arts that it really gets on my nerves.

i can spend one whole week on history and still not be able to get every single point, every single reading, every single model essay etc etc into my head. i can spend one whole week on literature and still not get the crux of analysing. i can spend one whole week on economics and realise that i'd forgotten everything that i started out with at the beginning of the week. i can spend one whole week on CLA, but still that has to depend on whether i feel like doing CLA cuz it gets really boring sometimes. and GP is really driving me up the wall because i get soo overly-suspicious about what the question is asking about and go wayy off with my answer in the end.

*tears out hair*

let me just waste away by the desk....

------------------------------



HEAVEN
Ayumi Hamasaki
Theme Song- Shinobi

最後に君が微笑んで

まっすぐに差し出した物は

ただ　あまりに綺麗すぎて

堪え切れず　涙溢れた

あの日きっと二人は

愛にふれた

私たちは探しあって

時に自分を見失なって

やがて　見つけ合ったのなら

どんな　結末が待っていても

運命と言う以外

他にはない


la la la la la la la la la la

la la la la la la la la la la


君が旅立ったあの空に

優しく私を照らす星が光って


側にいて愛する人

時を越えて形を変えて

二人まだ見ぬ未来がここに

ねえ　こんなにも　残ってるから


側にいて愛する人

時を越えて形を変えて

二人まだ見ぬ未来がここに

残ってるから


信じて　愛する人

私の中で　君は生きる

だから　これから先もずっと

さよならなんて言わない


あの日きっと二人は

愛にふれた

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, September 23, 2005

5:37 PM

w-inds. w-inds. w-inds. w-inds.....

currently listening to: Scrubbing [The Toilet]

get well soon.

i was feeling a little depressed today cuz hippo din come to school. *sobx*
wonder if he missed his SPA.
take care take care. *blows nose*

then on my home home with wenjing i remembered that w-inds. is going to be on YU LE BAI FEN BAI!!!
rushed home.
ate (alot). bathe.
stared at homework but din do anything.
stared at telly from 0430 onwards at some crappy lifestyle show.
until it's finally 5pm!!!!!

w-inds.-sama!!!!!
keita!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*faints*

KAKKOI DESU YO!!!!
and their reactions are so cute.
i can almost see the 'thought-bubbles' coming out of their heads during the interview.
'hmm... this guy's hat is too tall.'
'hmm... what are they talking about.'
'hmm... this is such a weird interview.'
'hmm... whahaha the guy's funny.'
'hmm... mandarin sounds complicated.'
*wahahhahaa*
kawaii desu yo!!!

*faints again*

guilty pleasures.
while i was laughing like an idiot
while i was drooling like a pervert
while i had 201% attention focused on the TV screen
regina suddenly called lah!!!
so being in the state of ectasy and hysteria,
i screamed into the phone and told her to call me later.
...err. heh.
SO SORRY REGINA!!!

then then then
alot alot of people started sms-ing me
to tell me that w-inds. was on TV!!!
so i busied myself over the next half an hour replying to all these messages
and getting back comments on how hysterical i was.
*wahaaha*

but.

after settling down.
i realised that tuition is in an hour's time.
and i haven't done any of my tuition homework.

and more importantly i remembered that
hippo is sick today.
=(

talk about mood swings.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

6:56 PM

the paronoia phase

currently listening to: Nana Iro [Fujiki Naohito]

what's happening to me larr.
i'm kinda put off by my reactions.
i'm acting like some kinda overwhelmed idiot.
grinning like an idiot, laughing like an idiot, looking like an idiot.
control, xinyi. control.
i'm not really like that am i??
whatever happened to pride and dignity.
ok, new start ok.

i'm soooo gonna flunk my chinese promos. can't believe the crap i came up with for my essay-- why didn't i do the narrative one???? *smacks myself* and paper 2... a waste of my time and effort. the words came out and i've seen them in my revision before... somewhere in my revision before but i forgot what they meant. *tears out hair*

there goes the will-never-exist-in-the-next-hundred-years A i was aiming for my Chinese A. i doubt i can even clinch a B. *bawls*

gone... it's gone. WAN LE.

the paranoia phase. the much-dreaded promotional exams are coming up in a week's time and i haven't started on ANYTHING apart from math. and the middle part of the Russian Revolution (then mr gay said to study the LATER part. *bangs head against wall*). and a bit on Chinese Literature cuz i was mugging for the test i had last week. THAT'S ALL.

what about the french revolution, and the new imperialism, and the industrial revolution that added up is prolly equivalent due a year's worth of worksheets i had in Sec 4. what about the Monk, Jekyll and Hyde, Silas Marner, Castle of Otranto and all the other stupid gothic readings that i think i lost. what about economics and all the gibberish about market failure, pareto optimality, market structures, collusion, government intervention etc etc???

nope. they're still somewhere in the shelves getting themselves coated with dust.

and GP. my marks have been halved... quartered... whatever. i am failing my GP!!!! what's happening what's happening??? *paranoia*

yep. this is the retribution from indulging myself in hippos. (snap out of it!)
from stuffing myself with food once i get home.
from sleeping 14 whole hours on weekends.
from drawing on worksheets during classes.
from daydreaming about the end-of-year holidays.
from staring into space while attempting to complete my homework.
from laying my hands on the computer once i have the chance.
from looking at too much of w-inds. and KAT-TUN.
from gawking at the telly and Jap dramas.
from...
from...
from...
alot of things.

and aidil messaged me around 0130 asking whether there is mentoring today and i saw the message only at 0700!!! *slaps myself* lucky that he didn't wait for mentoring or i would have shot myself on the spot 5 minutes ago. i am such a baaaad mentor larr. i should resign. gimme the sack. kick me out of the mentoring room. bar me from entering the renewal centre. do it!!

i seriously think that i am being bothered by too many things. too distracted. that i can't think straight cuz i'm thinking of a hundred million other stuff at the same time. my brain's being stuffed with all sorts of stuff. possibly... information overload!!! and useless information at that. things like...

i think the fan's making too much noise.
maybe they should print the worksheets out with recycled paper.
they should give us sleeping periods in the afternoon.
that ms tay's skirt is too short.
i should try playing soccer one day.
i just remembered that XiaoS is pregnant.
etc.
trivial stuff.
but they are in my MIND!!!
talk about being pathetic.

so i should go meditate or something like that. whatever the monks do in monasteries (i'm not talking about what Ambrosio does in The Monk hor. PLEASE lar.) so that i can achieve a tranquil state of mind of something. dispel all thoughts! concentrate! enter the oblivion! and then you'll gain immortality?? err. abit too far hor. just so long as i can get back on track and i'm happy.

but i think i'll fall asleep while meditating.

-__________-"

arghh.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

5:14 PM

after-school thoughts

currently listening to: Youthful Days [Mr Children]

stop it!
you won't hear it anyway.
i don't wanna try anymore.
it's distracting.
...

chinese promos in one week's time. argh.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, September 11, 2005

12:48 PM

fujiki fujiki-saaan~~

currently listening to: Youthful Days [Mr Children]



Fujiki Naohito-san.. CHO KAKKOI DESU!!!!
*antique-craze*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, September 09, 2005

1:00 AM

the future

currently listening to: Close to You [The Carpenters]

i seriously wanted to finish my econs drcs tonight. that was before i succumbed to my temptations (not fair!! the computer is just beside my study-table!!) and started playing minesweeper flags with wanfung on msn.

ok. so much for determination.

then i was looking for some stuff on the net (i forgot what) and i stumbled upon this livejournal entry. as i continued reading, i realised that this girl is everything that i want to be. initially, i was attracted towards her passion and views on japanese idols like Johnny Entertainment etc because her views are sooo similar to mine-- that these idols are not just short-term stars, but a motivation for all fans to move on because their determination and passion towards their work are really something we should look up to.

it might be true that some of them earn their fame because they look good (since their popularity would fade away once their fans find another replacement), but if you really do observe and take notice, the amount of hard work and dedication they give to their work is really commendable. despite knowing that their 'lifespan' is the industry might amount to only a couple of years, they are still willing to go out there and strive for their moment of fame, as well as to realise their dreams of becoming a star. and so, because they believe so firmly in their cause, they begin to give their everything in accomplishing their work without knowing that their very actions will have such an impact on the world who views them-- people like me and that girl who are so inspired by what they do and who they have become.

in her journal entry, she actually wrote down something like that, "artistes from Chinese Entertainment are always so afraid of being called an idol, but these guys are more than willing to stay as idols, and they've never regretted their choice." maybe we can't really vouch for the last part, but it does reflect a certain mentality that is different among the industries in various countries. maybe this is why Japanese idols are the way they are =)

which reminds me, i was at mise*sclusive again yesterday when we were celebrating juliana's birthday. i wanted to get more w-inds.' photos but i realised that there wasn't any new ones, so i moved on to KAT-TUN merchandise and bought this really expensive Gokusen 2 T-shirt at a 30% discount (still wondering if i had made the right choice *sobx*). anyway, the point was that when i was settling the purchase, the shopkeeper actually commented:

"you also like them? i thought you only like w-inds."

that was when i realised that she can actually recognise me, which makes sense since i'd been to the shop a gazillion times already and drooling like a pervert over the photos. then i told her that i had recently been diverting to KAT-TUN, and that i felt a little guilty about it since it seemed like i didn't like w-inds. anymore. she just smiled and said:

"it's ok lah. alot of people have been diverting to KAT-TUN as well. it's kinda sad actually because when i asked them whether they wanted to buy w-inds.' merchandise as well, they'd tell me that they don't like w-inds. anymore. it didn't use to be like that lah! w-inds. was really SO hot previously. kinda sad. so whenever i see you i'd feel a little comforted because it means that there are still firm w-inds. supporters around. =)"

while she said that she was actually keying in my purchase of the super expensive KAT-TUN shirt, and i stared miserably at that single w-inds. photo i had purchased along with it. imagine my guilt when i realised it was kinda true cuz i would never have left the shop without buying at least $5 worth of w-inds. stuff, and this time i was actually walking away with a $2 purchase of a photo of keita but with a $40++ KAT-TUN shirt.

when i went home i dug up all the w-inds. DVD and watched them all over again. the w-inds.tv DVD really made me feel like slapping myself for diverting. after 4 years of watching how they grew up and being so inspired by them, i'm actually forsaking them for a bunch of 'act-cool' guys from Johnny Entertainment?*slap*slap*slap*

NEVER!!! *back to w-inds.mania-mode*

but see what i mean by a short lifespan? when i read all the posts at w-inds. forums in march, everyone was commenting on how w-inds. had changed their lives, and how much they had inspired them, and that they'll never stop supporting the group. yet half a year later they are leaving w-inds. behind in a corner of their minds, and going ga-ga over KAT-TUN instead. *sigh*

well at least i am still inspired =))

coming back to the topic, i was initially attracted by the girl's views on the Japanese entertainment industry as well as her passion for these idols. then i realised that she is fluent in Japanese, was working in a Japanese company in Singapore with a cute Japanese boss, and is now in Japan working for the same company. hahaha! sounds like something from a drama serial doesn't it?

but i am so super envious. working in the Singaporean branch allowed her alot of exposure to Japanese people, and her boss is so friendly and kind towards her. she can even talk about her Japanese idol in front of all those senior executives when they are having dinner all together, and they respond to her so spontaneously because they happened to know that idol as well-- all these when she was on probation. she's in some a typical company where she needs to go around doing entertainment, sorting data, attend large-scale meetings (with lots of Japs) and blah. do they call such people OLs? something like that. and she seems to have friends all over the world-- japan, taiwan, hongkong etc. shiawase dayo...

her life seems so perfect to me and i think she feels so too, except that she did worry about working in an office all her life (typical). but she's working overseas in Japan now, which has always been her dream, though i don't see the difference since she's still working in an office over there anyway.

reading her journal entries are like reading chapters off a book like Shopaholic. it's always so filled with events because her character and personality attracts many. makes me wonder about the kinda situation i will be in ten years down the road. will i be getting everything that i hope for just like her?

*ponders*

was still chatting with wanfung and he started talking about vienna and venice, and we chatted about where we wanted to go if we had the chance. this added on to my ponderings about the future-- whether i'd be able visit all the places that i want to, see all the things that i've been seeing in photographs... i want to go to mongolia!! all these a few decades down the road... hopefully.

life is like a journey...

i really wanna work on the econs drcs. but i guess i'll have to leave it till tomorrow cuz my mother's screaming for me to be in bed. sheesh. what's the use of holidays if you can't stay up late???

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

7:41 PM

gothic-phobia

currently listening to: Squabbles [My Aunt and her Family]

mr simon reynold's comments always gimme a headache.
i see lots and lots of red scribbles.
some illegible.
some confusing.
some seems to start to make a little sense.
but i still can't get what he's trying to say!
this always happens.
i can't believe the amount of time i've spent poring over his gothic assignments.
and the fact that i get the fits whenever i speak to him doesn't help either.
WHERE am i gonna get help.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, September 04, 2005

9:37 PM

*grabs hippo and stares at homework*

currently listening to: Silence [And Enjoying It]

one week.
will it feel like forever?
so slow yet to be over in a flash.
irony.
i'll try to get along somehow.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, September 02, 2005

10:46 PM

rants and angry rants.

currently listening to: Silence [And Enjoying It]

recapping... (and this will prolly make the whole blog load for half an hour)



one of the rare times when we can actually spend some time together again. *sobx* life is so busy. never stopping. work and work and work. makes things sad and nostalgic. but we have to move on anyway. just had a gathering during teachers' day as well but i FORGOT TO TAKE PHOTOS. *slaps myself*



i took this from the class blog. credits to khai i think. and he looks really comic in this picture. haha. taken ages ago during the June holidays. had loads of fun with 05a02 and the friends from PAE 05a02 as well. we went rollerblading and biking and Mcdonalds-ing at East Coast Park before finally BBQ-ing at Alton's house at Mandarin Gardens. which reminds me, it's Alton's birthday today-- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!




took place on the 27 of August, Saturday. had a loooong and booooring APP training session before that and i seriously thought i would fall into the water when we went down to kallang to start dragonboating. but it turned out to be loads of fun despite us rowing for 1 and a half hours straight. i think that's where the fun lies- we actually got to know how to go about dragonboating, unlike during TPJC Seasports Carnival where they just throw us into the sea and expect us to miraculously row somehow. we came in second! losing to SP but half a boat. considering we only had 12 people (8 of which were girls) in comparison to SP's 16-man crew, i would say it was a victory for us!!! and we won VJC too =X





look at the difference between those who are camera-shy and those who are simply camera-addicted (referring to huichun hor. wahha.). these were taken at the International Varsity Debate 2005 last thursday. almost like a 4CA gathering (henry low went too) in my opinion. we went for the preliminary round where Sweden was against Korea, and both sides had to debate in MANDARIN over the budget-airlines issue. was kinda comical cuz it didn't feel like a proper debate at all (or maybe i was expecting too much out of it). i did enjoy the intermission where they entertained us with folk songs and personal experiences though. so we waited for the results and... KOREA WON. shucks.




taken last thursday before i went for the debate. ProjectWork-ing with Wee Keat and Aishah at Changi Airport. had lunch at Popeye's!! not too bad, though i still feel that the mashed potatoes taste weird.

i was really pissed that day with that idiotic-shouldn't-even-have-existed-or-intruded-into-my-life COW sim chengyi. i was late for 2 hours that day (i admit sincerely that it's my fault. i am really really sorry that i overslept.)and Wee Keat was telling me to get prepared for a 'speech' by that idiot. i turn to him in expectation and he goes: "actually i have alot of things to say but i don't want to say cuz it's not worth my time talking to someone like you."

BOOM!!! that was it. it's not like they didn't get anything done just because i was late. i was seriously pissed and i started staring and demanding an explaination. he kept his mouth shut like he lost his voice and just pasted his face and hands onto the glass panels of the Marina Mandarin Hotel like a *ahem* (keeping in mind that the guests at the other side of the glass panel were staring up at him as they were eating).

so fine we kept walking. halfway on our journey he told Wee Keat privately that he wants to GO HOME because i was there. i was thinking, ok since you've done your part in the morning let me continue my part and you can go home if you want. but NO. he can't leave without us because he doesn't know the way from CITY HALL back to the CITY HALL MRT. so this means he wants us to stop the PW for that day cuz he doesn't want to stay with ME. so much for priorities. i arrived in a taxi too. he's not getting it right-- he's messing up the PW session cuz of a personal feud? how mature and selfless is that? maybe i should have been the one to leave since he's stopping the PW session cuz of me, but i bet he'll make excuses about me not doing work and blah. so what he wan me to do??? die from guilt on the spot??

he gets on my nerves. not only does he not contribute constructively to the entire PW, he acts as if he is the expert and comments on all the things we've done after much discussion. and he would go: "i don't understand why we should do this. blah blah blah." when we have already met up and dicussed about the reasons for coming up with the 'this' in the context. otherwise he would go: " we shouldn't do it this way! this is wrong!" when we have finished the entire GPP or EOM after going through all the meetings and discussions. perhaps he should have made it a point to OPEN HIS EARS to whatever we say during meetings instead of playing around with my water-bottle and asking me how much it costs.

but in the end we ignore his comments anyway cuz he's always either reinstating the doubts we have already cleared during meetings or just making a flawed point but trying to put it across in a way that we are suppose to go: "ohhh. we see our mistakes. you are so smart chengyi!!" forget it. not in a million years. he must have failed listening too.

i can't wait to hit all the teeth outta his mouth when the whole PW is over. but i have to RESTRAIN. i'm gonna let him just splash his saliva all over my face the next PW session cuz the ultra-strained relationship between the two of us is affecting the rest of the members. really sorry guys... i know you guys have been tolerating with him all these while so that the PW will progress smoothly and now i have to mess things up just because i lost control. *sobx*

i've never detested someone so much before. maybe my primary school friends would remember my feud with this guy called kangwei but even then i knew that i was almost always in the wrong. it was more of a form of respect and admiration towards the seemingly perfect person in front of my eyes then that i guessed i got a little jealous and angry for being 'imperfect'. we're ok now by the way. but this time it's different-- NOTHING about this guy i can acknowledge. i just wanna hit him.

gosh i sound like such a whiny brat. this guy just makes me fume. i wonder how much more i can take.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。