i wonder..

currently listening to: Izayoi no Tsuki [w-inds.]

i wonder if he recognises me
the irritating girl who sat beside him during Primary 2
the math-idiot who sat right in front of him during Primary 3
i wonder if he remembers telling me about his best friend
and the times we tried to sing the entire 'Lemon Tree' song when we didn't know the lyrics
so we ended up repeating the same verses over and over again

turning turning turning turning turning around~~

even if he does recognise me
will it be the images of me trying frantically to copy his math homework?
or is it the scene where i got whacked on the butt by the Math teacher just because i didn't know how to solve the sum?
or maybe it was the time when i selfishly pushed his things to a corner because it was crossing into my 'territory' [my desk]

wow not exactly the stuff i want him to remember though
but at least it would mean that he does recall

somehow i can't recall that he had ever called me by my name
how exactly did we communicate?
i recall pieces of math worksheets... english grammar exercise books... yellow shaker pens... and him telling me that he's a freetinkle

i wonder where i was sitting before he suddenly got posted to our class
vaguely remember the teacher saying that he'd joined the wrong class
then suddenly, for some reason i can't seem to remember
we were sitting next to each other at the back of the classroom

so quiet
speaks so softly
hardly noticeable somehow
finishes his homework at a super fast speed
always manages to finish and hand in his homework on time
even if he's absent from school
he'd give his homework to me the day before
not for me to copy (sadly)
but for me to hand it in for him
-____-

imagine my surprise when he did that
but it really made me respect him after that
the first model student i ever came across

i really wonder if he recognises me?
the girl with the super short hair and tanned skin
who was so notoriously known in class as the math idiot
who steps on the math teacher's toes all the time
i think english lessons are the only lessons that i ever get praised by the teacher
and she'll be saying:
"xinyi.. you are such a sweet girl. totally different from your brother!"
i refuse to believe that the judgement was passed only in comparison with my brother

erm.. i went out of point.

despite all these wonderings about whether he recognises me
i realised that i don't really want him to
why?
might be because i probably left a bad impression on him
but something tells me it's more than that

if he suddenly came over and acknowledged me
then he wouldn't be the same guy i knew 8 years ago
he will never do that
and that's the way i'll want him to stay

maybe it's more of a deep sense of respect
the sense of amazement towards his character and upbringing
that was an eye-opener for the seven-year-old that i was then
the first experience of being 'impressed'
by someone of the same age as me

then it was the astonishment of being in the same college with him
a situation that i had never expected
then it all came back
the deep sense of admiration and respect
the scenes of us bickering with each other
yet having fun at the same time as desk partners

yep
how much i wish that it will remain that way
but there's only slightly more than a year left

it's still another source of motivation though
which i so desperately need right now
=)
ganbaru na, xinyi!!

Lemon Tree
Fool's Garden

I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time, I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around, I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens
And I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast, I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely, I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens
And I wonder

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I'm sitting here, I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired, put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens
And I wonder

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation - I don't want to sit on the lemon-tree
I'm steppin' around in the desert of joy
Baby anyhow I'll get another toy
And everything will happen and you wonder

And I wonder, wonder

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see
And all that I can see
And all that I can see
Is just a yellow lemon-tree

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。