i hate this

currently listening to: Sakurairo Maukoro [Nakashima Mika]

i hate literature.
i hate it even more when i am the literature rep.
i hate leadership.
i hate it even more when i am someone who can't lead for nuts.
i hate public speaking.
i hate it even more when i am already yelling and ppl still can't hear me.
i hate standing in front the the class.
i hate it even more when people refuse to listen to me.
i hate responsibilities.
i hate it even more when i get soo nervous about it and i foul up the whole damn thing.

and the worst and most detestable thing i absolutely definitely cannot stand since the beginning of time is for someone to ignore me intentionally.

i should have believed it when they told me. but i stupidly believed that things won't be that bad and that THEY were the ones being pessimistic for what I was suppose to do.

i thought that some people were soo nice and i thought the world of them. but it turned out that they may be complete BLAHS. people whom i thought the reverse actually turned out to be soooo nice. there must be really something wrong with my first-hand judgement. you can never judge a book by its cover, or the first few pages.

and i can't believe i am such a stupid stage-fright loser. what's wrong with just standing there and speaking whatever i have to. what's wrong with screaming for a few minutes. what's wrong with putting my ideas in proper words. what's wrong with just translating my ideas into speech.

EVERYTHING'S WRONG. i just can't do it.

today is a bad bad day.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。