don't mind me

currently listening to: Toki wo Tabibito [Kat-tun, News- SUMMARY]

Furimu kazuni yuukou
Haruka na ano mirai e
Ookina yume hakobu Bokura wa toki no tabi bito
Tsunagatteku history
Uke tsugareta jounetsu
Kono mune o hokori wa
Keshite hanashi wa shinai
Rise taiyou wa nobori
Shine azayakani moeru
Subete no inochi ka
Ima kagayaku

Break out! break out !jidai o
Kiri hiraku New story
Go ahead! Go ahead ! mayou hima wanai
Don’ t be afraid
Dream on!

Grow up ! Grow up ! ikiteru
Akashi o kizamunda
Believe yourself kakegae no nai
Kono toki ni
Break out! Break out ! jidai o
Kiri hiraku New age
Go ahead ! Go ahead! haruka na
Tabi wa tsuzuite yuku
Dream on!

Break out! Break out !
Go ahead ! Go ahead!


okay xinyi
you know it's not gonna stay that way all the time
you know you gotta have to face it someday
you know you hafta do it somehow
it's time to get independent
forget everything
go for it

what happens when you have too much of something good?
what happens when you keep escaping from change?
what happens when you hold on to something that don't belong?

ahh. just a bad hair day.
i have to do my work.
that is, if i can manage to crawl out of bed tomorrow.
ermm... that's bad. *gulps*
i don't wanna go to school!!!

*runs off to set fire on the school*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Thursday, July 14, 2005

6:51 PM

lalala.

currently listening to: Bawling [Some Kid Next Door]

student council investiture today.
hairianto was really really happy.
so were the rest of us (jingfang, huichun, lynette and me).
but the stepping down of the 19th student council was soooo sad.
"my brothers and sisters... let us unpin our badges [council badge]..."
BWAHHH!!!!
but still it was a rather cheerful day.
except that we had lessons till 4.30pm.
2 hours and 40 minutes of LITERATURE.
all of us were struggling to stay awake on our way to the bus-stop.
and the worst thing is that
the history outline is due tomorrow
and i have a ton of MC stuff to do
and i haven't seen macey the hippo for two days already.
sobx.













erm
and guys...
please update your blogs.
i have absolutely nothing to read lahh!
ok.
back to work.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

7:48 PM

don't read. seriously.

currently listening to: 一路向北 [Jay Chou]

i can't believe i can't even solve SEC 2 MATH QUESTIONS. i totally blanked out when Aidil asked me about algebra and conversions and stuff. hafifah asked me about some vocabulary and the most i could do was to say:

"har???"

ok so this is not good. half the time i found myself yakking and blabbering away while my two mentees listened with erm.. interest? their expression told me: "this is really lame and totally boring but i have to give this girl some face so i shall force myself to sit through this 2 hours". so right now my self-esteem is completely gone. eradicated. wiped out. destroyed. whatever.

ARGHHH!!!!

and as if it's not unlucky enough that i forgot my logbook today (of all days), it has to be THIS time that mr simon wants something out of the logbook. AND I DON'T HAVE IT despite having written a rather lengthy paragraph for the lesson. a desperate attempt to avoid being drowned in his saliva resulted in a super slip-shod piece of work that can't even convince MYSELF that it's making sense. tell me again how life will be improving. tell me again.

oh at least something good happened this week. Macey the Hippo is in TPJC!!! i can't believe it when i saw him during the sea sports carnival. jingfang, huichun, lynette and i were walking towards to carnival when he and his friends walked passed us. first look, i registered nothing. second look, hmm he looks like macey the hippo. third look, oh my god he IS macey the hippo!!! i logged on to tpjc.net to look for his name and IT'S THERE!!! i can't believe it. i'm still in a state of shock. but i'm happy. *wahahaha*

lemon tree. ^^

so macey the hippo's the only good thing that has happened to me this whole week. fortunately. otherwise this entry will go on forever and you guys would develop splitting headaches from reading on and on about my rants and complaints.

right now i shall lock myself in the room to wallow in self-despair and not care about work tonight. BCEEB4 grades. failed mentoring session. itching-like-h*ll skin. sec 2 math questions. sheesh. i gotta get me some of those assessment books.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, July 08, 2005

5:59 PM

rants:

currently listening to: 一路向北 [Jay Chou]

erm.
a B4, B and C for 3 out of my six subjects.
3 down, 3 more to go.
2 of them are A level subjects too!
i just know i'm gonna fail lit and econs.
i barely passed my silas marner essay.
so let's not talk about gothic and PC.
cuz silas was personally my best shot at lit.
econs.
i didn't even finish that stupid essay.
how to pass u tell me.
so i predict:
B4, B, C, E, F
now that's bad.
these are the worst grades i ever got my whole life.
erm, excluding primary school grades of course.
BCEF is not gonna get me anywhere.
i need at least a CCCC lahh.
maybe if i devote all my eating time to work,
i would get at least an ABCC?
ok that shall be my aim.
but for the A levels
an ABCC is not gonna get me anywhere.
argh.
the problem with an arts combination.
science is like so much easier.
even my slack brother got an ABBB lah!!
and mr simon said he under-performed too.
-_____-"
whatever. he has the better genes.
endure xinyi endure!!!



huichun and jingfang read my blog lately. besides commenting that kamenashi isn't handsome at all *stares*, they also mentioned that i complained alot. *wahhahah* err... i have to admit lahh. anyone who happens to be in a bad mood and feeling irritable would get a headache from reading my blog and probably bash me up if he has the chance. *cowers in fear*

but the blog is about the only place i can just let out all my complains and pray that at least someone reads and acknowledges them. otherwise i will just explode and blow up everything around me like how i did during sec 2. apologies to everyone, especially my sec 2 piggy gang.

and i finally met my mentees-- aidil and hafifah!! they seem nice. hope i can get along them. i felt really guilty when i didn't get the chance to converse with them during the first mentor-mentee meet cuz there were some problems with the pairings. so i left them in their seats just like that!!! fortunately yunting talked to them for a while, otherwise i would have left a totally bad impression on them *sobx*. hmmm... what can we do during the next meet?? *scratches head*

literature homework is piling up and i haven't finished Castle of Otranto yet. mr simon's incredibly harsh scolding on wednesday kind of freaked me out. but at least i wasn't surprised since mr brother did warn me about him and his tantrums. haiz. and you wonder why i hate literature.

interact true hearts starts at 8am and ends at 4++pm tomorrow. talk about dread. i guess even slack CCAs have their busy times. i think i'm making a mess out of the MC thingy too. whatever whatever. i'll just give whatever i've got.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

6:28 PM

i hate this

currently listening to: Sakurairo Maukoro [Nakashima Mika]

i hate literature.
i hate it even more when i am the literature rep.
i hate leadership.
i hate it even more when i am someone who can't lead for nuts.
i hate public speaking.
i hate it even more when i am already yelling and ppl still can't hear me.
i hate standing in front the the class.
i hate it even more when people refuse to listen to me.
i hate responsibilities.
i hate it even more when i get soo nervous about it and i foul up the whole damn thing.

and the worst and most detestable thing i absolutely definitely cannot stand since the beginning of time is for someone to ignore me intentionally.

i should have believed it when they told me. but i stupidly believed that things won't be that bad and that THEY were the ones being pessimistic for what I was suppose to do.

i thought that some people were soo nice and i thought the world of them. but it turned out that they may be complete BLAHS. people whom i thought the reverse actually turned out to be soooo nice. there must be really something wrong with my first-hand judgement. you can never judge a book by its cover, or the first few pages.

and i can't believe i am such a stupid stage-fright loser. what's wrong with just standing there and speaking whatever i have to. what's wrong with screaming for a few minutes. what's wrong with putting my ideas in proper words. what's wrong with just translating my ideas into speech.

EVERYTHING'S WRONG. i just can't do it.

today is a bad bad day.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Monday, July 04, 2005

12:08 AM

there's no sunshine after the rain

currently listening to: Ticking and Tocking [The Clock on My Wall]

i played the weekends away (sort of) by sleeping till late afternoon, entertaining myself with the GameCube playing Mario Party (and losing terribly to my cousins too) and watching 'War of the Worlds' with my Aunt and brother. ermm.. it's quite alot isn't it? *scratches head and acts blur* haha. blame it on my beauty sleep.



anyway, i thought i could continue playing the rest of the Sunday away, until i stupidly (or maybe wisely) turned on the computer and logged on to tpjc.net to discover that there are quite abit of assignments that i have to do before school reopens. -____-

man, it was a wise choice to avoid using (in stricter terms: to not be able to use) the computer during the weekends. otherwise i would have been bothered by all these stupid assignments. *punches fist into the air*

but still it doesn't solve my problems or complete the pile of assignments i have to do. maybe it can't be measured in 'piles', but the sheer amount of effort i have to put into each and every one of these tasks makes me wanna just run onto the road and beg for cars to run me over.

1) Economics SIEAs, which i have irresponsibly procrastinated until today, only to find out that the due date is by tuesday. it wouldn't have been a problem if i were doing it alone cuz all the blame would only be on me but it's PROJECT WORK! URGH. this means that my irresponsibility may drag others into trouble too. *sobx* i feel so guilty. plus i absolutely cannot stand Ms Tay and her mood swings (having been ticked off by her for no reason one sunny afernoon) and i have a feeling she won't hesitate to just shoot me with a rifle gun if i tell her i haven't completed the project. *gulps* there goes my 'guai-guai-girl' image.

2) Gothic Essay. now this is something that really frustrates me and makes me question yet again my choice for choosing literature when the teachers are like SOOOO last-minute. we are suppose to split ourselves in groups and do a presentation on wednesday when school only reopens on tuesday?? talk about a hectic JC life-- the teachers are making it worse.

3) Project Work. i am sad to announce once again that i have neglected (ok, 'procrastinated'. if it makes you better.) to compile the information that my group has painstakingly researched on despite being chased out of the NUS library and spending a whole morning in the tampines library. as if the guilt's not enough.

4) Literature PC. sometimes i wonder if it's just that i am too soft in my nagging or that my classmates feel that PC isn't important. 3 reminders and 1 whole month but only 6/25 of the total class population submitted their work. argh. whatever. plus i have to take over the lesson this tuesday because ms lee's gonna be away. erm.. me?? someone with speech disorder and subconscious stage-fright who runs to the toilet every now and then due to nervousness and anxiety?? what am i gonna do. WHAT AM I GONNA DO!?!?!?!?!?

5) Interact True Hearts Events. Wednesday and two Saturdays. it's stress stress stress all over again. we're meeting our mentees this wednesday, and that big big pimple on my red red nose means that i probably won't be making a good impression on my mentees. man, this is not doing well at all lahhh. blah.

thankfully, most of these work will be over once tuesday is over, though i can't be sure whether i'll be able to produce decent pieces of work or not. this is killing me. everything is.

oh and my mother came home from hong kong today. i was soo excited when she told me that she'd bought w-inds. stuff for me over there. she was telling me that she bought lots of stuff with the picture of 'the guy i like' on them. i was jumping for joy when i got hold of the bag full of stuff.... only to find that she thought that 'the guy i liked' is RYOHEI. -____-



so now i have i bag filled with ryohei stuff. not that i don't like ryohei of course... but KEITA is the love of my life!!! *sobx* what am i gonna do with all the stuff. plus they cost a bomb too. haizz. misfortunes misfortunes misfortunes.

oh and did i mention about my chinese oral? it went like this:

Passage read: 我最讨厌这种感觉了。一踏进门就响起“叮咚”一声。。。
xinyi read: 我最讨厌这种感觉了。一踏进门就响起“叮当”一声。。。

dots. after the "叮当" (a product of reading too much doraemon comics), everything after that went haywire cuz i was frantically thinking about my mistake. it was the first sentence lahh!!! my reading is completely GONE WITH THE WIND. i am now staring at my doraemon comics with murderous eyes....



so as you can see the week didn't really go well for me. but it still doesn't extinguish my passion for w-inds. and jpop stuff. been listening to ageha over and over again and all the songs are just SOOOO nice!!! i thought the genre was pretty weird when i listened to the CD for the very first time. but it got interesting during the second time. and by the third time i am totally depending on it for survival. *wahahhaa* (an exaggeration of cuz. but the extent of my passion is more than that *smirks*)

oh and i came across this picture somehow.



i am like... "OH MY GOD!!" when i saw this picture. my innate reaction towards bishonens. *wahahhaha* but my taste is high ok! i don't go dots over just any guy. this is the truth and nothing but the truth.

so who is this guy? KAMENASHI KAZUYA from KAT-TUN! a johnny ent. artiste. erm... yeah, i hate johnny but this guy may just totally change my opinion of the company. hmm. a potential candidate to enter the ranks of being in my 'obsession list'. just 'POTENTIAL'. KEITA'S STILL THE BEST. *nods head vigorously*



and i bought Kamichama Karin from Kinokuniya recently. it's really quite an interesting book. i'm definitely gonna follow the series. koge-donbo's stories are really unresistable for me. *wahhaha*



I SAW STEFANIE SUN!!!! last friday when i was out with xinwei, carine and tingxu at orchard to unwind after the exams. i was going "oh my god... oh my god... oh my god..." when i caught sight of her walking briskly past us. to think that we were still playing and '闹成一团-ing' in front of her.

xinyi: "Oh my god... oh my god... oh my god..."
tingxu (fidgeting around with carine, xinwei and me): hey don't squeeze. don't squeeze!
xinyi: "oh my god... huh? don't scream ar? okok...."
*stefanie walks past*
tingxu: "don't squeeze!"
xinyi: *realises it's 'squeeze' and not 'scream' but still in state of shock*
xinyi: "i think i saw stefanie sun."
3 of them:" STEFANIE SUN!!?!?! WHERE??? *turns head and starts looking around*
xinyi: -_____-"

maybe the encounter 'shocked' me too much that the Sensors in Kinokuniya went 'beepbeepbeep' when i stepped into the store with no library books, not stolen stuff, no anything. poor xinwei, tingxu and carine had to have their bags checked by the security guard together with me when they hadn't even stepped into the store at all (still looking for stefanie) *wahhaha*.

quite an outing =)

but it still doesn't erases the fact that the results will be out next week and i will be so very disappointed with myself till the point of... erm... the point of... drowning myself in w-inds.' music. i guess it's pia pia and pia for the remaining of the year...

ok so i'm gonna try to do some research for the Econs SIEAS and Project Work tomorrow at tropica-- that is, if i can get anything done with regina and juliana around. *wahhahaha* we just can't stop when we start talking. gonna shop at orchard with them after we've completed our assignments. i shall be, of course, trying to decide again whether to buy the w-inds. towel or not. hope everything goes well =)

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。