EXAMS ARE OVER!

currently listening to: Houki Hoshi [Bleach]

wave your hands up in the air come on come on everybody now!

*wahahahhaha* why does this verse sound so familiar??

after one whole week of chinese, math, economics, literature and history, i am finally free from sitting in a stuffy room and trying to squeeze my brain dry for everything that i had tried to absorb (pathetically) and reproduce them on pieces of paper at lightning speed and the expense of my poor hand which is aching now and threatening to just break off my arm any moment.

my worse subject: ECONOMICS.

i know i'm gonna screw up my econs. it's bye-bye. habis. game over. i can't believe i didn't manage to even complete my essay before the time's up. 1/2 hour only to finish part (a) of the question??? it's an insult to history students and my reputation as one of Mr Das' historians because in secondary school, history=write fast or die. argh. this is SUCH a disappointment for me. and i actually prefer math over econs lahh!! talk about the wonders of time...

so right now the decision is- history or literature or econs. i just don't have the flair. I JUST DON'T HAVE THE FLAIR.

and chinese wasn't any much of a comfort too. i was so pissed when i realised that i only knew 2/5 words in the zao ju component, plus i didn't even know how to READ the damn-funny-looking-stupid-idiotic-should-never-have-been-invented word!!! *faints*

Literature was OK. only for the silas marnwer section, sadly. gothic was quite screwed because they asked a genre question and i had only read ONE pathetic gothic book in my whole life, and that was our textbook. -___-"

arghhh. CT's so screwed for meee!!! but sadly this should rightfully be the case since i spent more time staring at the telly than at my notes. *sobx* seriously!! you should get more focused as you get older but it works exactly the other way for me, except that i don't get any younger for some reason.

ok. so much for a post-examinations entry.

wanted to drag pipi out to get my w-inds. towel today but then i just didn't feel like going out the moment i stepped into the house. the hike walk around tampines mall with jingfang and huichun just now reaallly wore me out. and i met tingxu there too!! plus half of 05A02 as well. haha.

i bought peacemaker kurogane 5 today!!!! was over the moon when i saw it at CC. i know okita-sama's gonna die. i KNOW HE'S GONNE DIE. *sobx* the entire shinsengumi is being wiped out and okita-sama's coughing out lots of blood. BWAHHH!!!!

the even more BWAHHH thing is that the author is gonna take a break and stop work for some time. some time = endless wait. NOOO!!!!!! *tears off hair and runs off to start a petition*

and all the computers in the house are down. and i won't get to come back to tropica for at least 3 weeks. and my computer in tropica is down TOO. i must be a curse. i am the bane of all computers. DIE!!!

so this means i wil be trying to survive without my computer for at least one month. oh boy.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Saturday, June 25, 2005

5:54 PM

i am studying. yes i really am.

currently listening to: Houki Hoshi [Bleach]


I FINALLY BOUGHT AGEHA!!!!!!!

*runs around the room jumps up screaming away and waving hands in the air*

can't believe my luck when i saw it standing proudly on the rack in MJ at Tampines Mall. i didn't even think of going there if pi and i hadn't need to wait for judy to finish school. i am in damn good spirits now. i wanna scream and yell and wave my hands again. *wahahah*

what's more. HMV don't even have it when i went there today. and i thought they were supposed to be efficient. my trust has been misplaced. hmphh.

a trip to Heeren's today (my aunt treated us kids to a before-school-reopens dinner at Marche) once again aroused my passion for splurging my money on w-inds. stuff. i saw a super cute w-inds. hanky today!!!! plus a very very cool w-inds. towel which i intend to use everyday IF I HAD BOUGHT IT. *sobx* sadly my miserly nature convinced me to think twice before buying but... I'LL BE BACK!!!

speaking of the outing with judy and pipi yesterday, it was a really different experience for me. i never thought that interviews (erm... SUPPOSEDLY interviews) could take soo long until i had to squirm and wriggle in my sit while flashing a can't-be-any-faker smile to the kind man Mr RAJ (*wahahah* the good old days~), who actually DROVE DOWN TO THE DHOBY GHAUT STATION TO FETCH HIS INTERVIEWEES because we simply lost our way. but hey! i did say walk down prinscep street right!! hmphh. pi refused to listen to me so we ended up packing into mr raj's car and feeling so embarrassed about it. i was telling judy and marilyn:

"it's over lahh. don't even think about getting the job."

*wahahhaha* but in the end the man was so kind as to carry out the interview and fixing them as potential candidates. at least it wasn't a wasted trip.

oh and we met ah~ma at bugis MRT!!!! we were really really surprised when she suddenly popped out just like that, explaingin that she was on her way to the HSC Band concert. fate, i have to say, fate.

and i met an unbelievable number of friends that day too. they just started appearing all over tampines and bugis one by one and there i was staring blankly at them and wondering if it's God's way of telling me that "it's ok that you're out playing cuz your friends are too." *wahahah* now that makes me a little better =)

1) Sze Yan
2) Juliana
3) Carine
4) Hui Chun
5) Shermaine
6) Teng Kuang
7) Wai Ka
8) Xiao Ding
9) Joadine
10) Shi Hui

i really wanna type more until my hands just fall off and start wriggling on the floor but with only ONE DAY left to the dreaded CT, which also symbolises our return to school aka more and more homework and scoldings and stress and tearing of hair, i really really have to start working on my books now. i can't believe the way i've been so distracted by the television lately. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Lizzie Mcguire, Totally spies, Martin Mystery, Art Attack, Hidden Mickey, Hard Fate, Vigilante???? i stay up for the sake of television. now this is bad. other than the fact that i get to watch w-inds. on mtv everyday since they are the artist for the month. *wahahaha* ok so now you know why i stay glued to the telly.

which also means i am not doing anything to my brain. seriously. why can't they give me one more week???

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, June 19, 2005

2:52 PM

take care

currently listening to: Ageha [w-inds.]


たとえば、人生における有象無象の出来事は、そのどれもが誰かがいたずらにくみ上げたパズルの誤った断片に過ぎないのかも知れない...

there was once a boy who entered the hsc choir in 2002. a very talented boy who knows how to play the flute and the violin and probably many other instruments that i didn't bother to ask about. a truly musically-inclined boy who was sorted into the S1 section after the choir audition. a unique boy who really attracted me because he was so cute and adorable, though some may not think so cuz he seems to be putting on a grumpy face most of the time. it wasn't a romantic kind of appeal, but rather a strange urge to regard him as my cute little brother.

after the tiring audition and tryouts during the school orientation, school proper began and choir sessions went on as usual, or maybe not 'as usual' because we had to carry so many extra chairs into the choir room to cater to the sudden boom in the choir population. but as usual, a few weeks later all those who were not meant to be in choir (in other words, they quit) left and the choir population was reduced to a manageable size once again. jiajia never did left the choir, though it was obvious from the look on his face that he didn't really enjoy it. maybe it was because i was always making a fuss over him-- always shooting questions at him and jumping on him out of nowhere and abusing my authority as his senior etc etc (yep, i was that crazy over him ((: ). but i had my fair share of 'disturbances' too! like the time i got hit straight in the face by the stream of water from the water cooler cuz he jumped on me when i was trying to drink from it. etc. now that's embarrassing.

choir sessions were... boring as usual. especially the session where Mrs Kwan made us listen the some guy speaking Cantonese for the Canto song that we were suppose to sing for some event. THAT was really BORING spelt in capital letters and written in bold and underscored for emphasis. i can still remember the scene where jiajia blatantly slept right in front of Mrs Kwan and i had to wake him up while trying to stay awake myself. we ended up nodding away together with the rest of the choir all through that session. i remember vividly our conversations during that extremely unendurable session-- our incessable complaints of 'SIAN', our constant number of yawns, our attempts to wake each other up and convincing ourselves that we were having a very 'enjoyable' session..

i really thought the world of my 'cute little brother' then.

...but suddenly, as if he had never appeared in my life before, i didn't see him in school or during choir sessions anymore. i didn't think much when he didn't turn up for choir because that was usually what choir guys would do, especially when hsc choir session are THAT boring. a few choir sessions passed quietly, then weeks passed and i realised that i haven't seen him in school for a long time.i was puzzled at his strange disappearance of course, but i thought that maybe he was sick and on MC since i had heard that he was sick quite often.

days passed without news. then one day, while i was counting my sorrows together with carine and xinwei after a trip to the beach, we met another junior of ours, a classmate of jiajia's. as if it's all arranged and made to be like a saddening drama episode...

"hey how's jiajia lately? i haven't seen him in choir for a long time."
"oh he quit school and went to america."
"... why?"
"erm.. i think he's seeking treatment there cuz he's very ill.."

i was really really shocked when i heard that he migrated. i was even more depressed when i knew about his illness and the severity of it. how can a talented boy like that suffer from such an illness? how did he manage to smile and crack jokes when he was so ill? why did he not even tell me that he was quitting school? how can i not have noticed it?

suddenly everything seemed to justify itself. the reason for his grumpiness and anti-social nature. and there must be a reason for his frequent absence from school. considering the fact that his parents went all the way to build up his music background (meaning that they should be very much concerned about his conduct), they would be very concerned over his supposed truancy. but why was he still allowed to skip school? moreover, hsc's not a school who will condone truancy, especially in the express stream, but why wasn't there a big hoo-ha over his constant absence from school?

this leads me to only one conclusion.

but of course, there is every possibility that the piece of news isn't true. after all, he wasn't there to confirm the piece of news. that junior might have disliked him and was trying to ruin his name... right?

......

it's strange how this incident can be off my mind for so long. ever since then, i have never really bothered to recollect the memories with this 'cute little brother' of mine. it's really quite rare that i can be so fond of someone and yet i buried these memories in the most secluded part of my mind. urusenai.

but one thing's for sure. i'll never ever forget this lil' brother of mine. zettai ni wasurenai yo. *sobx*

wherever you are... take care.

たとえば、人生におけるどんな痛みでさえも、やがて許されることを前提に存在し、僕を日々、生かし続けているのかも知れない...

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, June 12, 2005

3:13 PM

argh

currently listening to: Gift [w-inds.]

god i am dying.
i can't concentrate.
my concentration span is only 5 minutes.
how am i gonna pass my ct.
how am i gonna pass my promos.
how. how. how.
even w-inds. is distracting me!
this is unfair.
you are suppose to improve as you grow older.
why am i deproving??
i can't mug.
i feel like sleeping all the time.
my head hurts.
my thoughts stray when i stare at the econs homework.
tell me why we have to write so much for a single question.
tell me why i get irritated after writing one paragraph.
i am copying from the book.
nothing's entering my brain.
and i personally think that the book is useless.
it's blabbering on and on about the same things.
and i have to elaborate on the same things over and over.
what kinda econs bible is that.
i need a proper textbook.
the teachers are not doing anything to my brain.
it's getting worse.
i'm getting senile.
the things i write don't answer the question at all.
how can i be convinced that it is a good piece of work.
if it isn't a good piece of work then why i am i doing it.
this frustrates me.
i haven't started on history.
the file is as thick as my POA textbook.
and it's only ONE single topic.
this is not working out for me.
i hate JC life.
but this is a senseless complaint.
nothing can get me out of JC right now.
it's either JC or risk being chased out onto the streets.
i feel so pathetic.
i hate studying.
let me burn all my books!!!
ct is in 2 weeks.
my mind is still in a mess.
it simply refuses to work.
i have no motivation.
i want my motivation!!
hurry up and enter my life lahh!
i want my 2004 back !!!

blah this is stuupid.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Saturday, June 11, 2005

2:18 AM

sweeet.

currently listening to: Gift [w-inds.]

awWw... i am overwhelmed by this unbelievable sense of sweetness right now...

he's so sweeet!! (nope not my imaginary boyfriend if you are as dots enough to even think i have one.)

awwWW...
awwWWWWwww...
aWWwwwwWWwwwwww....

i have a completely different impression of him right now. my next idol of the year! can't believe i actually know someone like that. awWw...

ok enough of awWwing. what am i doing here at 2.30am in the middle of the night? rushing my GP reading articles and w-inds.-ing away on the net of course (though the latter seem to be taking up most of the time). i have successfully downloaded 4 songs from the album Ageha as well as a bunch of TV interviews of w-inds.!! *so happy*so happy*



and 'Gift' is such a nice song. 'Ageha' is beginning to get to me too because i hear myself subconsciously humming the song wherever i go. told you guys w-inds. songs have a strange and powerful appeal to me. ^^

i bet lynette will be sighing away at my obsession right now. hmphh.

so i went back to school for Literaure and Economics remedial yesterday morning. Literature was a waste of my time-- i just don't see the point of seating there and recapitulating all the stuff that we already know, while there are tons of stuff that we have yet to be taught. and my depressing grade for my very first PC essay is telling me straight in the face : "DROP LIT GIRL. YOU CANT'T HANDLE IT." yeah of course i know i can't do well in lit but somehow there is this thing in me that convinces me that i cant be THAT bad in literature (although the fact is that i have never taken literature for the 'O's). i vaguely remember myself going up on stage to receive a 'Best in Literature' award during a certain Speech Day. Mrs Sally Tang must have mixed up my name with someone else's, though i don't deny i like the way the plaque seats on top of my table right now. *wahahah*

BUT STILL. the fact is that i failed my PC essay while the others could pass and get fairly good grades considering it was their first try. i am getting more and more convinced that literature is not my cup of tea. i should say i had already been convinced since Sec 2 when i didn't opt to take Literature, it's just this complacent streak in me that keeps telling me to take up 4 A level subjects (though it was partly due to my father's persuasion). i guess i will just wait and see if my results for the upcoming common test is satisfactory. if it turns out to be history, then BYE BYE history. i do feel a tinge of guilt towards the kind old Mr Das back in Hai Sing. i really do. *sobx*

During the Econs Remedial today, Peiling suddenly threw me this question,: "aye Xinyi you better confess ar. you already started studying for the exams rite!?"

i was stunned for a few moments before replying that i hadn't time to study at all since i was enjoying myself in China for past 9 days. i don't think she heard what i said though. but what made me puzzled was how did she ever think that i am THAT hardworking?

i think it must be because i somehow miraculously manage to finish all my homework on time. but like i've said before, finishing homework and being hardworking are totally different matters. whatever it is, it is confirmed that i have successfully (though not intentionally) set up the image that i am a hardworking mugger in the class. and this adds to the stress. firstly to live up to expectations and secondly to try to remove that image of mine.

ok. the real mugging begins. but not before i meet up with my PW group members for research tomorrow. awww.. and i was thinking of storming orchard rd for my Ageha CD. never mind it's even more beneficial if we get a good grade for PW. and we are using my PI for the GPP, which makes me even more uptight about the whole issue because i expect a tankful of questions to be thrown at me since i am the creator of the topic. the creator with a speech disorder. darn.

GOGOGO XINYI!!!!

oh, i found a really uhrm... 'interesting' extract when i was researching for my GP reading articles.

"Singapore has done well initially because of its port, which has allowed it to put into place alot of programs. it has also done well because it was given a population that 90% was uneducated (read: easy to manipulate) and 10% were greedy (read: willing to accept anything so long as they get paid). So, with a great leader (SM Lee) this pond of a nation has done very well."

i am not a totally devoted and hot-blooded Singaporean, i must admit, but my blood really boiled when i read this extract(maybe i am more patriotic than i thought i was *wahaha*). who is to say that Singapore's success is solely due to our demographical factors? who is to judge that Singaporeans were greedy and easily manipulated. more importantly, how can a foreigner make such statements when he isn't even part of the country?

sure he may be right in certain ways but isn't the growth of a nation accounted to the work of all its people? all countries started out with uneducated people seeking out opportunities to make it big, but most of them aren't as successful as Singapore is today. and if these particular group of uneducated people are smart enough to make it to Singapore and THRIVE, it proves that there is something more than the quality of the people themselves. this fella is obviously not making full use of his inference skills and common sense when he made this statement. man, am i boiling.

ok over with this. now that i am done with my reading articles, i've got the 4 Econs essays and 2 data-responses to work on. oh! i am suppose to compile the literature research for PC too! man... only 3 kind souls have submitted their work so far.. 17 more to chase and pester. ARGHH!!!!

it's ok. i shall keep my cool. the others have their own stuff to do too. but i do pray that they'll hurry up. *sobx*

how i wish that i am still in china and far away from all this stupid workload. i keep getting distracted and the only work i've completed today is my GP essay and reading articles. talk about concentration. mine's dwindling away~~

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Thursday, June 09, 2005

9:09 PM

china. i will never forget.

currently listening to: Ageha [w-inds.]

back from china!!

only to find that my blog has been down for almost 2 weeks. i must really find out who's wenyen one day. deleting all the templates without notifying anybody... *clenches fist*

this template was the best among all that i can find. i found a Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle skin but it was too small for me to put all my infomation in it. maybe i will use it if i'm really left with no choice. meanwhile, let me just stick to this. *haiz*

anyway, i have tons and tons to say about the china trip but somehow i just can't put them into words. but i have to write it all down!! i know i'll forget all the details once time lengthens. sobx. the problem with short-term memories.

china- fun? exhilarating? unforgettable? it's wayy more than all these.

i thought it wasn't gonna work well for me at all. going overseas with a bunch of people i barely know? it was a risky attempt on my part to try and make something out of my JC life. i didn't feel comfortable at all all the way to the china airport (maybe it's because i had one of the largest luggage in the group *blushes* ). it was just this.. fear of not being able to blend in.



our first stop was suzhou. i had to squirm and wriggle in my seat to make sure my spine's still all right and my butt's not flat. it was pure bliss when i finally got off the bus at suzhou. BUT! the restaurant.... ARGH. it was my worst nightmare.

half a bowl of soup was still in the bowl and the chopsticks look like they had been imported all the way from judy's house to china. we didn't even dare to touch the ice cubes for fear of food poisoning. and the food... this is the only thing that filled my stomach that fateful day:



then it was the famous Han Shan Temple (Han Shan Si) and the Suzhou Silk Factory. things were already starting to get better. only that we still wipe our cutlery very carefully before using them. some of us even vowed to buy our own cutlery if we had a chance.



next stop- Wuzhen , the Water Village! beautiful sight, really. but why did we have to look at so many ancient beds? and why did we walk around the village instead of rowing a boat? someone enlighten us.



Hangzhou was definitely one of the best places we'd been to. we were all so very excited when we visited one of their top schools, 浙江大学附属中学. the students there were... whoa. we finally understood why some countries excel more than others. the students there were VERY spontaneous, and they didn't divert away from the lesson at all. none of them looked confused after the lesson (like we did. maybe it's because they used chinese as the teaching medium) and their vibrance was astounding.



we even went for a morning workout with them! it was super fun, although we were struggling to keep up with them. it's a sort of an exercise that resembles the one we perform during Ace's Day, except that it was less 'obiang' and VERY enjoyable. someone should seriously consider it as a PW topic.

then it was the West Lake, Yue Fei Temple and the Lei Feng Pagoda. i have to admit it was really BORING, considering the fact that we were practically MELTING under the hot hot sun and getting BITTEN to death by an army of mosquitoes. ok i know i know. youngsters today don't know how to appreciate.



one of the climax of the whole trip was a visit to a super posh school for the rich, 宋城华美学校 (can't remember the name but it's something like that). we were SHOCKED when we saw the school. i felt as if i was watching a taiwan drama series...



it's like the school F4 and Shan Cai went to in Liu Xing Hua Yuan! no, it much more much more posh than that! the White House? Disneyland? a huge pond for a swimming pool? a church for a teaching department? the nursery, primary, secondary and tetiary departments are all in the same school and they all live in hostels. furtheremore, the students do look as if they are from a Japanese manga. you have no idea how the girls went dots over the guys we met in the class.

it was a pleasant experience for me too. =)

BUT! i have to comment on the toilets. one long stretch of drain for you to do your business. you have to see it to believe it. i never thought a school that posh can have such... lousy toilets.

Shaoxing was perhaps the worst stop we'd been to. dirty hotel toilets and huge army of mosquitoes. we visited the Lu Xun memorial house (after seating for a 2-hour lesson on his works) and the East Lake (Dong Hu). let's just say that we were glad that we left that place.





oh! we visited the Shaoxing Wine Factory too. it was sheer torture to watch the adults drinking something that we weren't allowed to. but some of the guys went ahead to drink the wine anyway. and they claimed that the tour guide drank it. -___-



SHANGHAI!!! the best stop!! shopping and eating and shopping and eating. it was the whole point of our trip. *wahhaha* it was also in shanghai that deep bonds were formed. =)



we visited the renowned Fudan University and bought lots of lots of stuff there. i was making my last ditch attempt to grab some souvenirs for you guys after i made the stupid mistake of not getting anything when i was at Cheng Huang Miao (shopper's PARADISE!).



i must really mention the price of the CDs in China. O.O how can a music lover like me give up such fantastic bargains??? the only (and biggest) regret was that i couldn't find Ageha there. *sobx*

of course, how can we skip the Oriental Pearl Tower in Shanghai! i swear it was the most breath-taking scenery i've ever seen. maybe it was because it was the last night that we're gonna be in china so i was much more sensitive to every detail that happened that day.



the airport. awww.... we all really didn't feel like leaving. we wanted to abduct the tour guide back home with us. but all good things must come to an end. we left china with a tank full of laughter, friendships and beatiful memories.



it was the bond that was built during the journey. i didn't feel as if i was travelling with TPJCians at all. it was as if i was in the company of very good friends and enjoying every minute that we were together. no distancing, no fake pretences, it's the best field trip i've ever been to.



my greatest reward from the trip? to answer "memories" or "friendship" would be too mushy and cliche. my greatest material gain was a chinese flute and a Go chess set!! WOOHOO~!!!


=) i love china!!! it's hao wan daaaaaooo.... *wahahahahah*

ok, i'm happy as long as i get to keep the memories. let me move one to w-inds.!! *wahhaha* what's new?

i finally mustered enough courage the phone HMV to ask about w-inds.' Ageha album and she told me : it will be out at the end of the month. -____-

WHAT!!! end of the month and it's my exams already!!! what do you mean 'end of the month'!?!?!!? KILL!!!!!

i shall walk the whole of orchard road this saturday. i will find the album somehow!!! *punches fist into the air*

to everyone: seriously.... BLOG MORE!!!

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。