complaints. yet again.

currently listening to: Even if [2be3]

a problem with literature. a serious problem.

i must admit to my ability of BS-ing in written words but when it comes to literature... it's not that i don't know what to talk about but i'm confused by the structure of essays and the use of words like 'alliteration', 'syntex', 'olfactory' and stuff. i can't sit through half the period without asking someone what this means and how that is spelt. and i'm suppose to learn all these in less than 2 years?

i just tried to attempt my silas marner essay just now and i realised that there is NO WAY i can do it. is there suppose to be a structure? what are we suppose to bring in? must we state a stand? do i separate the supporting argument from the counter argument or do i tackle both at the same time? is it the same as all the other essays?

i finally understood the importance of secondary school education and how much it helps in laying the foundation of the later years of education. right now, it's either i lack the foundation or i just don't have the stuff required for this stupid subject.

i prefer to believe in the first assumption. *self-deluding*

an interview with Mr Dan today has set me thinking about my decision to drop either literature or history. i always thought that literature was suppose to be the subject that is important for the School of Communications but i was told today that HISTORY is the one though i don't really see how. apparently history allows me to have a deeper understanding of political issues and current affairs which will be critical in the media industry. i am starting to think that this is actually true because i distinctly remember one of the requirements for the course:

A Good Pass in General Paper.

hmmm...

recently i have been overcome with yet another bout of depression where i realise that independence is everything that matters in this whole wide world, and it is something that i have never been willing to accept or exercise until i started thinking about it lately.

friends may be an integral part of life but are there are bound to be distances that lengthen with lesser interaction and widening of social circle. the naive thinking that things will never change is indeed unreal and if you ever had friendship that lasted in close contact for more than 6 years without even a tinge of differentiation and deliberate distancing from one another, count yourself lucky.

but why is it that this has happened? is the friendship not strong enough? is it just based on the rare moments where we put away out pride to interact with one another? is it because we simply don't have the same circle of friends or environment anymore?

ever-lasting friendship? easier said than done. sadly. but i still love you guys.

which reminds me of my friendship with my primary school pals, namely juliana and regina. it's rather unique. we don't talk everyday neither do we send msg each other daily, sometimes we only meet up once every 3 months. but there never seemed to be any deliberate distancing from one another, or the kind of feeling you normally get when you and your friends are in totally different environments. every meeting is like a crapping and joking session. we share, we laugh, we crap and enjoy whatever time we have together. it's as if whatever experiences that each of us went through is something that all of us went through together. i don't feel strange.

miss you guys. =(
and i kind of miss acjc all over again.

i am disillusioned. JC life has cast an entirely different spell on me as compared to secondary and primary school. a spell of self-doubt and feeble confidence. it seems i doubt virtually everything i do now and wondering whether every step i take is a correct one.

'struggling' is the correct word.

and believe it or not, there are actually some people i dislike. i can't believe myself-- how can i ever dislike anybody?? but sometimes i feel that the feeling is mutual, which lessens my guilt considerably. but again, i am disappointed with my change in character. to make things worse, i KNOW about my change in character but am helpless to do anything about it. argh.

moving on. SEA SPORTS CARNIVAL was yesterday! had loads of fun even though i didn't participate much excpet for the dragon boat race. but whoa! dragon-boating was EXHILARATING. although we came in last -___- i have to admit i hate the feeling of being last in whatever competition or tournament but 05a02 was great. it didn't matter if we did came in last-- we had the class spirit. which is why we have resolved to TRAIN beforehand on the next sea sports carnival to make sure we don't lose again. GO 05A02!!!

oh and today some environmental group sang a remake of "If we Hold on Together". erm... let's just say i didn't really like the new lyrics but the tune was kept intact (phew~). i guess it must have brought back lots of memories for the ex-RSS pupils currently in TPJC, like it did for me. we sung the song at least twice every year. i can't stop recollecting those times when i stood in front of the whole school to perform the song (with actions -_-) with the choir. and of course it reminded me of my choir pals back then..

which also reminds me... the alumni is not peforming for the concert after all.

messy thoughts.
too many things.
waiting for the moment when i can finally accept, adapt and do it.
hoping for another motivation to come into my life again.
but right now... touch me and i'll break.


**~piang~**

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。