i want doraemon

currently listening to: Diamonds in My Heart [Chocobo Racing]

for some unknown reason, i've been pretty fascinated by Doraemon lately. you know? the blue-coloured robotic cat from the future? the one that helps Nobita when he gets into trouble? the cat that has a pocket full of wonderful gadgets in it?

in fact , i've always been fascinated by Doraemon. the way that he's always there for Nobita and taking care of him. the gadgets that he has in his pocket that are so fantasical yet desirable.

i recall reading a chapter of a Doraemon manga. it was about this gadget that has the ability to let you see into the future if you ever encountered crossroads in life. shaped like a telescope, it shows you the result or consequence of a decision made over another.

now that i think about it, i want that gadget so much. everything in my life requires so much decision-making.

what if i had chose to stay in acjc instead of going to tpjc? what if i had chose to opt to science course instead of an arts course? what if i had at least tried to appeal to tjc? what if i had decided to take AO Chinese instead of A Level Chinese?

and these are only part of the decisions i have made which will affect me in the future. i'm living through so many of the decisions that i've made years and years ago... some to be relieved about... but more to be regretted.

what if i had made my feelings known 6 years ago? what if i had just cast him off my mind? what if i had made more effort to keep in touch with my primary schoolmates? what if i had not chose to go to hai sing? what if i had not put in so much effort into my studies? what if i had chose to go to a science class instead of an arts class? what if i had chose e4 instead of e5?

there are just so many 'what-ifs' that are coming into my mind right now. if i had the gadget, there would be so many decisions made correctly. it's kinda vexing since you never know if a decision turns out to be a correct one cuz you'll never get to know what will happen if you chose the other. life... is this complicated.

i know, life is set this way. if bad decisions were never made, nothing will be learnt. and if nothing is learnt, nothing will be gained and nothing will progress. but it's really disturbing cuz it's human nature to keep harping on the possibility of having more benefits if the other choice was made.

and i am the 'disturbed' kind.

the perfect blueprint for life... who doesn't want it?

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。