currently listening to: Sekai no Yakusoku [Howl's Moving Castle]

maybe TPJC's not such a bad place. i'm HOPING that it isn't such a bad place.

i applied for the whatever JAE thingy and TJC's my first choice as usual, TPJC's the second and MJC's the third. it's gonna take a MIRACLE for TJC to take me in so i guess my fate as a TPJCian is more or less sealed.

all the nice dreams about going to TJC... *kapoosh*

my brother got back his A level results today. ABBB. sometimes i wonder if all the 'smart' genes from my parents went solely to my brother and left me with the second-graded ones. he hardly sutdies at home and yet he got an ABBB? does last-minute workp really help? maybe i should try that someday instead of working my brains out for the whole of the year and still end up getting results that are below my expectations.

but still, i'm happy for him. first person in the Lee family to make it to a university!!! *clap*clap*clap*

thinking about it, will TPJC really be the school that allow me entrance into university life? considering all the stuff that i've been hearing from my brother and friends, TPJC's really a slacker school and if you're lucky enough, you won't get influenced.

and when have i ever been lucky?

the choir alumni practice today really got me thinking. Xinling told me she didn't want to stay in TPJC cuz the Chinese standard isn't high and that the people there are really lackadaisical. i have no doubt that all these information IS true, so i'm really getting worried about the possibility of me burning all of my books in the first half of the year and visiting Tampines Mall everyday.

seriously, do you guys have faith in me still being able to remain as hardworking as i was in secondary school? i can confidently declare that i DETEST studying now because i've been through so many experiences where hardcore studying brought me nothing more than disappointment.

i'm really thinking about putting the hardworking genes in me to sleep. there's hardly any motivation for me to work hard now. not the guy in VJC (cuz he's too smart for me and will probably fly to some super established college in Canada to get a degree or something), not the prospect of being able to score good grades (cuz things always find a way to make my hard work seem like wasted effort), and don't tell me i have to study for my future since all this talk will just deepen my regret when i don't make the mark for university.

whatever. i still HAVE to stick to TPJC and i guess i'll just have to make the most out of it. maybe i should learn to take things easy like my brother. cool and steady about the whole thing, and out pops an ABBB. no need to be so super hardworking, no need to be so uptight about exam results, JUST GIVE WHATEVER I CAN.



just whack? *wahahha* reminds me of 1AD2. talk about that some other time.

oh, tingxu!! i want you to give your word that you will never ever ever tell anyone that i like that guy when you go to VJC!!! not even those who dunno me. don't even say 'i have a friend who likes this guy...'. this is strictly between the few of us. TAKE THE OATH. *frowns*

and i'll provide the camera. *grins* hey! you are the lucky girl ok! share some of your good fortune with me. *sobx*

i apologise to anyone who didn't understand the above gibberish.

hmm... 1 more week until i'm officially out of ACJC. 2 more weeks until i officially enter TPJC. 2 more years until i receive my A Level results. it doesn't take a guru to figure out that the next two years will be tough years. i'm not even sure of what's gonna happen after 2 weeks. will i find myself being better off in ACJC than in TPJC? will i face the same situation like i did in the starting of the first 3 months in ACJC? i guess it's all inevitable.

man, i really need to cope with life. it's moving so fast and encompassing so many irritating changes while i'm helplessly rooted to the ground, unable to keep up. god, i really need more time to sort things out and settle the problems i have with myself to get everything right again.

helpless. just helpless.



記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。