save me

currently listening to: Taisetsu Na Negai [Nanaka 6/17]

05A02. i don't know ANYONE who's going to the same class as me. and i'm meeting my class the first thing tomorrow.

i think i have a rough idea of who the hsc people in the same class as me are, though i've not confirmed it yet, but... they're all from the first 3 months in tpjc! so this probably means i either fit in or get left out. and you know how bad that is. =(

i must mention again how much i hate starting over. and i am starting to have a bad feeling about taking so many subjects.

self-confidence = 0%

plus i can't believe how small the arts fac in tpjc is. around 100 students only??? man, acjc arts fac is at least 5 times of this. this probably means only 1 in every 10 students in tpjc is an arts student, and the other nine science peeps. everyone i made friends with so far is a SCIENCE student. now you see what i mean.

talk about being outnumbered. it is THAT bad.

thinking back, making friends in acjc was kinda hard too. it takes alot of time and effort to gain trust. if Zhen Yin wasn't there to accompany during all the break periods during the first few weeks, i'll probably die of loneliness. maybe it's a little better in tpjc since some haisians are there. but i feel kinda guilty at clinging onto them all day, and it gets kinda dots when there are still differences between arts and science students.

luckily i had michelle and hafezah around these few days. but they're not gonna be around anymore!!! they're taking geography so we're in different classes -___-. the disadvantages of a history student.

so tomorrow's gonna be a really trying day for me. in fact, for the rest of the week too, and maybe the entire year, or even worse, my life in tpjc. how i wish the seeds of independence were planted in me a long time ago.

my life is diminishing and i dread the dawn.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, March 27, 2005

8:46 PM

i want doraemon

currently listening to: Diamonds in My Heart [Chocobo Racing]

for some unknown reason, i've been pretty fascinated by Doraemon lately. you know? the blue-coloured robotic cat from the future? the one that helps Nobita when he gets into trouble? the cat that has a pocket full of wonderful gadgets in it?

in fact , i've always been fascinated by Doraemon. the way that he's always there for Nobita and taking care of him. the gadgets that he has in his pocket that are so fantasical yet desirable.

i recall reading a chapter of a Doraemon manga. it was about this gadget that has the ability to let you see into the future if you ever encountered crossroads in life. shaped like a telescope, it shows you the result or consequence of a decision made over another.

now that i think about it, i want that gadget so much. everything in my life requires so much decision-making.

what if i had chose to stay in acjc instead of going to tpjc? what if i had chose to opt to science course instead of an arts course? what if i had at least tried to appeal to tjc? what if i had decided to take AO Chinese instead of A Level Chinese?

and these are only part of the decisions i have made which will affect me in the future. i'm living through so many of the decisions that i've made years and years ago... some to be relieved about... but more to be regretted.

what if i had made my feelings known 6 years ago? what if i had just cast him off my mind? what if i had made more effort to keep in touch with my primary schoolmates? what if i had not chose to go to hai sing? what if i had not put in so much effort into my studies? what if i had chose to go to a science class instead of an arts class? what if i had chose e4 instead of e5?

there are just so many 'what-ifs' that are coming into my mind right now. if i had the gadget, there would be so many decisions made correctly. it's kinda vexing since you never know if a decision turns out to be a correct one cuz you'll never get to know what will happen if you chose the other. life... is this complicated.

i know, life is set this way. if bad decisions were never made, nothing will be learnt. and if nothing is learnt, nothing will be gained and nothing will progress. but it's really disturbing cuz it's human nature to keep harping on the possibility of having more benefits if the other choice was made.

and i am the 'disturbed' kind.

the perfect blueprint for life... who doesn't want it?

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, March 25, 2005

4:58 PM

back from tpjc

currently listening to: 楽園 [DAI]

hello! i'm back from my hiatus.

yep, and as you can guess, my first two days in TPJC is over. hmm.. my thoughts and feelings? maybe it's because i wasn't there for the first 3 months, so there is this natural unfamiliarity with the surroundings and how things are operated there. the thought that struck me when i first stepped in the compound was : "this is so different from AC."

and i'm not talking about the surroundings, of course. it is the atmosphere there that's different. every morning when i was in AC, i had to walk this rather long path to the hall. during that time, everyone would be hurrying along and walking almost quietly (if they were walking alone, of course) towards the destination. every one of them looked as if they were, in fact, eager to get to the hall and start the day running. passing by the CF every wednesday and walking up the spiral staircase to the freezing hall. then i would sit quietly and stare at whatever that was being screened (news, soccer matches etc).

but when i stepped into TPJC, i was greeted by echoes and echoes of noise and laughter as everyone gathered at the benches as if they dread to get to the assembly point. maybe it was because pipi was beside me and it was a natural instinct to just shoot and talk about minor stuff on and on and on. perhaps the thing that made me feel so much at ease was that i was being surrounded by familiar faces, sounds and laughter.

yep. this was exactly how i felt. my first impression of TPJC. it was as if i should be there, studying in that school.

later on, when we got into our OGs, someone tapped me on my shoulder and i turned. i was shocked to see a familiar face that i had almost completely wiped out of my memories since the day i left RSS. and there she was asking me whether she was in the correct OG, Yi Ming from my Primary Four class in RSS.

then after that we got to know 2 more OG mates who were behind us. one of them from ACS(I) and another from first 3 months in ACJC. frankly, i never guessed that i would be meeting people from the AC family in TPJC. it was a rather pleasant surprise. but after that the four of us lost contact. this was apparently because all of us didn't want to stay with the OG (seriously speaking, i have never met OGLs who were that... unorganised? boring? whatever.).

in fact, after all the teachers had left the hall, almost half of the students stood up and headed for home while the OGLS up in front were trying desperately to entertain us and stop them from leaving as well. i was truly shocked by their attitude. i mean, i know it was a boring orientation but no one should disrespect anyone else who was just talking halfway, trying to reach out to you, but received such response instead.

it was understandable if no one wants to participate in the games, or take part in learning cheers and school songs, but the least you could do is to just leave the group discreetly and give the OGLs the minumum respect anyone should receive, instead of just walking away blatantly as if it was some kid in front singing 'twinkle twinkle little star'!

anyway, i joined the rest of the HSC ppl for the rest of the orientation. so i am guilty of not making many friends in TPJC. *sobx* come to think of it, i should. just like when i was in ACJC orientation, participation and the 'gung-ho' attitude was to key to making friends there. yep, so right now i'm kinda regretting it.

but come to think of it, exactly how many people went? everyone who had friends who were from the first 3 months there wanted to just stick to them and leave when they want to. it was just pure human nature. i would have done that if there were HSC ppl in ACJC, but there wasn't any, so i had to try my best to make as many friends as possible with an adopted 'gung-ho' attitude. perhaps not having friends there was a good thing, since it triggered my instinct to participate in order to make friends and survive in an alien setting.

but either way, there has to be some disadvantages. loneliness accompanied me many a time when i first started to try to make friends.

yep. so TPJC's still fine for them up till now. but for some funny reason, i just cannot visuaise myself spending 2 years there. not that i don't like it in TPJC of course, but i just cannot imagine 2 years there.

it was a habit for me to thnk of the events that will happen in the future as time passes. it was not just thinking about the possible events, but actually the entire scenario and the feel of it. for example, during ACJC orientation, i visualised myself in the future, meeting my classmates and spending 3 months with them. then when it finally happens, i imagined what it will be like when i finally survive the 3 months in ACJC. and i'm always amazed at the degree of accuracy of my visualisation or prediction. even in HSC, when i was told to imagine the day when i receive my results, i could do it and it was almost similar to actual event.

but this time, i cannot visualise myself in TPJC. is this a bad omen? is Someone trying to tell me something?

i'm hoping it's just because i've not been in the school long enough.

anyway, you will not believe the combination that i'm taking. i feel as if i'm doomed for my A levels with such a combination. but my father was all for it and i'm hanging on to the fact that i can drop one of the subjects when i find serious problems with it.

Economics, History, Literature, A-level Chinese, AO Math, General Paper.

4 As, 2 Aos. this combination may seem normal, like any other person taking 4 A level subjects. but in fact, it's harder. besides the fact that i'm in the extremely risky Arts course, i have AO math to handle. although it's considered an AO subject, it actually requires the same amount of effort to be put into a A level subject. and the most important thing is... I AM A MATH IDIOT.

seriously, even my brother said that my math standard is below average. and i've heard that History at A Level is enough to KILL so even if i have the interest in the subject... ahem. my history grades in ACJC aren't doing much to comfort me either.

there's nothing to say about economics,literature and GP. they are new subjects to me so the chances of doing well in it? it's like asking you to bake a cake when you have never baked one before. yes, you may have the recipe, and a cake will definitely be the end product, but will it be a nice one?

GP is definitely a serious problem with my below average english standard. and there's also Project Work to be done. i seriously need to work on my time management.

plus there's still A level Chinese, which i'm not exactly sure if i can handle. if you think my Chinese standard is good, let me just tell you that it's different in A Level Chinese. Tang Poems? Song Prose? WEN YAN WEN???

oh man.

even though i'm gonna drop one of the subjects probably after a year, i'm hoping that they won't affect my promotional exams this year. what if i didn't manage to get promoted?? I'D RATHER DIE!!!

this means lotsa mugging. but this time, the mugging won't be for good grades, it would just be for passing the promos and not wasting one more year in loneliness. when does the hard work for good grades come in? perhaps next year, but let me think about it.

oh, and with my combination, school ends even later than 4 PM EVERYDAY!!!!

ARGHH!!!!!!!!!

this is gonna be one tough year. but right now, let me just worry about meeting my new classmates. what will it be like? somehow, i cannot visualise. but pray for me!!! i hope to find good friends...

and if you wanna know where some of my really good friends went to...

xinwei's in anderson junior college!
tingxu's in temasek junior college!
pipi's in tampinese junior college! yay!
judy's in info comm in tp!
alrina's in biomed in sp!
michelle's in biomed in rp! (appealing i think)
juliana's in meridian junior college!
regina's in serangoon junior college! (APPEALING!)
yoke ling's in nanyang academy of fine arts!
liping's in meridian junior college!
hazel's in chemical engineering in tp! (also appealing i think)

preparing myself for life in tpjc... walk with me!!!

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Saturday, March 19, 2005

10:32 PM

hiAtus

currently listening to: Kawari Yuku Sora [w-inds.]



my mother's gonna take the laptop with her overseas AGAIN. for one whole week.

this probably means that the next time i blog will be when i'm already back from my orientation in TPJC. i'm really really unsure and nervous about this whole issue. what will TPJC be like? will i be fine there?

what exactly will happen in one week's time???

man, i really have some metal preparation to do. pray for me in the mean time ok?

see you guys in one week's time... if i still have the mood to blog, that is. *worried*

ARGHHH.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, March 18, 2005

12:04 AM

ramblings

currently listening to: 桜色舞うころ [Mika Nakashima]

went out with pipi and alrina to get aboo's birthday present today! we settled the present thingy rather quickly, then alrina had to leave... for the same reason as usual *stares*. i decided to drag pipi to the anime shop at Sunshine Plaza instead of the mise s*clusive at heerens. why? hmm... i just wanted to look at anime stuff, plus i visited mise s*clusive less than a week ago already.

strangely, i had a craving for Japanese curry rice the whole day. *drools*

in the end i left the shop without buying anything *sobx*. seriously, there should be more anime shops in Singapore. there is a rising trend in the number of anime/manga supporters in Singapore ya know!! i mean, almost every one out of 5 people i meet do watch anime. not just watch anime, but actually like it and have a favourite character and starting to look it up on the net and something like that, JUST LIKE ANY ANIME-LOVER. and the number of manga fans i've met? you'll be shocked.

*nods head in full agreement* i should plan to start a chain of such shops someday. but on the other hand, it might not be such a good idea since i would be turning all the customers away and kicking them out of the shop cuz i can't bear to part with the anime merchandise.

another thing. it finally dawned upon me today that... THE HOLIDAYS ARE ENDING. how can a week pass so quickly??? damnit.

i can just picture myself entering the totally unfamiliar TPJC compound and walking towards the hall and wondering where i should seat since everyone seems so familiar and at ease with one another. then i would be like the very first day of the ACJC experience. me seating down and flcking my eyes from place to place while blinking them repeatedly at shutter speed. and everyone will be wondering what the weird girl who keeps blinking her eyes is doing and will then look at me with a weird expression on their faces.

argh!!! school-phobia!!!!

i am just glad that at least there will be some people i'm familiar with in TPJC. pipi, for example. i'm meeting her on the first day of school so i won't get lost even though the TPJC compound is only half the size of ACJC. but when i was in ACJC, it was like... i look around frantically for familiar faces, found none and realized that people were quite 'attracted' to my weird uniform which is apparently not seen around in the west-side before.

"erm... which school are you from?"
"ahh... hai sing catholic."
"...what?"

it's either that i speak too quickly (a common complaint), or that they never knew such a school with a weird uniform even existed. ok fine. maybe some of them do know hai sing catholic for some unknown reason (they told me something about third language lessons), but i bet they never expected our uniform to be so 'wonderfully' coloured.

and besides that, everyone speaks pure standard english, and some WITH SLANG. urgh.

but that's over. and i'm kinda sad i'm leaving ACJC already even though i chose to. weird? not exactly. you tend to build up some relationships in a period of time, and 3 months is exactly the standard time period to warm up a relationship. the thing that made me adamnant to leave ACJC is the environment and the way of life. and the thing that made me a little sad about leaving is the people there (mostly without slang).

but ok, that's over too. i'm just praying that i will find friends in TPJC that will colour my life so brilliantly like what my rss and hsc's friends did. and despite what everyone says about TPJC being a slacker school, i WILL NOT SLACK.

take that! *punches fist into the air*

maybe occasional trips to TM (provided i do find friends whom i'm comfortable enough with to go out with), and some daydreaming activities during tutorials or lectures, and maybe very very few days of ponning school. other than that, i will be fine.

mug and mug and mug and mug. fine, maybe the mugger part isn't exactly what i plan to do. this time i'm serious. too much hard work yet too little results to see that it really paid off. i'll just go at my own pace instead of trying overly hard. i believe that it's better for me this way.

BUT! as juliana said before, i will PIA when i have to. so don't worry about the hardworking xinyi disappearing!! i'm still a good role model ya know =).

moving on. i fell in love with this song from Nakashima Mika lately.

Sakurairo Maukoro
Nakashima Mika

sakurairo maukoro
watashi wa hitori
osae kirenu mune ni tachitsuku shiteta
wakabairo moyureba omoi afurete
subete wo miushinai anata e nagareta

meguru kigi tachi dake ga
futari wo miteitano
hito tokoro niwa todo marenaito
sotto oshiena kara

karehairo someteku anata no tonari
utsuruiyo ku hibi ga aieto kawaruno

douka kigi tachi dake wa
kono omoi wo mamotte
mou ichido dake futari no ue de
sotto hawo yurashite

yagate toki wa futari wo
doko he hakonde yuku no
tada hitotsu dake tashikana ima wo
sotto dakishimete ita

yuki e shou matoeba omoi hagurete
ashiatomo keshiteku otonaki itazura

douka kigi tachi dake wa
kono omoi wo mamotte
eien no naka futari todomete
koko ni ikitsudzukete

meguru kigi tachi dake ga
futari wo miteitano
hito tokoro niwa todo marenaito
sotto oshiena kara

sakurairo maukoro watashi wa hitori
anata e no omoi wo kamishimeta mama


English Translation!

when the color of cherry blossoms fills the air
I'm alone,
standing dumb, unable to contain what I feel in my heart

when the color of the new leaves sprouts
the feelings come pouring out,
I lost track of everything,
and drifted towards you

Only the changing trees saw us.
quietly letting us know
that we can't stay in one place

turning the color of dead leaves
next to you
the days passing by
change this to love.

please, at least let these trees
keep my feeling safe
rustle those leaves above us
just once more

soon enough, time will
carry us away
I hold gently to what we have now,
the only thing I can be sure of.

covered over by snow
the feelings stray
the footprints will fade,
a soundless mischief.

please, at least let these trees
keep my feeling safe
freeze us in 'eternity'
let us live on here.

Only the returning trees
saw us.
quietly letting us know
that we can't stay in the one place

when the color of cherry blossoms fills the air
I'm alone
savoring my feelings for you.

man, the lyrics are so sincere. the PV's really sad too. *sobx* and Mika's voice is really superb. plus she's quite pretty too! the impression she gives me as if she's someone full of emotions but can't convey them for some kinda noble reason. *sigh* aren't we all like that? VEXED. HELPLESS. GETTING ON WITH LIFE SOMEHOW. and don't accuse me of having an overactive imagination.



i'm thinking of getting her album... when she comes up with a compilation *wahahaha* that would be so much worth it. anyone who wants to listen to this song can approach me. i'll send it to you on msn. =)

oh and did i mention that w-inds.' fourth album is coming out sometime in march? man, I'M SOOO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. let me just surf the net to see if i can find pictures of the album... provided that they are available already, of course.

meanwhile, let's just live with these =)

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

3:00 PM

makeover

currently listening to: 桜色舞うころ [Mike Nakashima]

facelift with blogskin frm WYDesignz. i was thinking real hard about whether to change the layout or not, even after i've completed all the configurations i had to make to the template. i went ahead to change the skin anyway because i felt that all the risk taken when i glued my face to the computer screen yesterday (i have the eyesight of a 87-year-old elderly now) may have been wasted if i hesitated. oh, and please tag frequently! the tagboard's a little more troublesome to access now but still, i don't want cobwebs growing on it. *sobx*

to non-anime fans, this is a layout featuring the main male characters from the popular anime, 'Naruto'. why a naruto layout? cuz i couldn't find anything better, plus it also features ROCK LEE!! *whistles*

do not say i have strange taste. *clenches fist*

maybe the part about not being able to find any other nicer templates isn't true. i managed to stumble upon a KINGDOM HEARTS blogskin that is sooo nice. but that was after i spent much effort on this naruto skin so... the KH blogskin will be next *winkz*. there was also this FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST layout which i thought was pretty cute. pity i couldn't find the download for it on blogskins.com. *sobx*

and the sad thing about this new layout is.... ALL THE COMMENTS ARE GONE!!! i am soo sad about this, considering that the encouragement and support from you guys are all there in literal form. *sobx* i didn't realize that the new layout would take away the comments completely when i started on it. *hits chest in anguish*

i'm so sorry.

so today is a Tuesday and i have absolutely nothing to do except to wait till my brother gets off from his army work and then we'll go look for book covers together with my mother. book covers? how lame is that. maybe i should take this as one of my rare 'stay-at-home-and-daydream' days, it's been soo long since i last had one.

i must stress again that i am sooo sadd that my trip to Hong Kong was cancelled due to some stupid convention that took up all the hotel rooms. *curses*

considering that from tomorrow onwards my days will be pretty busy, i think i should really just sit back, relax and stare into space. did i mention that i like doing that? seriously! it's so hard to find time to do that except for the bus rides back home from school.

oh, and if you have complaints about the new layout, say it. it kinda looks funny to me now that i've seen it for the millionth time while working on the template *worries*.

nah, maybe it's just my imagination.

ok, the daydreaming starts. i just hope that i won't be interrupted like i always am.

*skips off to daydream*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, March 13, 2005

11:37 PM

currently listening to: Moon on the Water [Sowelu]

after much delay, i'm finally going for a scan tomorrow!!

a stomach scope, to be exact, since everyone who knows me well are all aware about the fact that my stomach aches almost everyday and i used to end up dragging pipi along with me to the toilet every morning.

but... what if something is really wrong?? *horrified* there must be a reason for my frequent stomachaches so... i'll pray that it's nothing serious.

and today's my Grandma's birthday! i was given the role of 'the photographer for the day' so you can guess how many pictures i took while climbing up and down to make sure i got all the perfect angles.

a whole lot of people turned up today since we went through the trouble of having the food CATERED and a super big cake ordered that came in a really large box, all from Jack's Place.



so it can actually be considered a family gathering, with the whole family present and of course, some of my Grandma's best friends. the day was quite enjoyable actually, especially when i realized that half the females in the house were dressed in PINK! i forced all of them to take a picture*wahahahha*



i can tell that Grandma was really touched at the attendance. i guess it has something to do with the emptiness ever since Grandpa passed away 2 years ago. the house has never been so filled and lively since. although there was still the christmas and new year celebrations, but it was really nothing like what it used to be in the past, especially when the people come and go so quickly that there was hardly any time to take a complete family photo. in fact, some of us think that the photo would never be complete, especially now that Grandpa's gone.



but like i said, life goes on.



and now i gotta get to bed before my mother screams again and hurls me into the room.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Saturday, March 12, 2005

12:45 AM

currently listening to: 桜色舞うころ [Mika Nakashima]

before i attempt to search for hackers who would assist me in hacking into that idiotic w-inds. site who refused to let me gained access into their 'members only' area despite me having signed up 3 times already, i shall recap on the events that had happened today.

probably the last day when most of us will ever step into ACJC again, we decided to try again for a class outing after the 2nd Founder's Day celebration (TORTURE!) before we vanish from one another's sight when the dreaded term starts. i think most of us really felt the need to at least leave behind some fond memories that we can boast about and say, "hey! i went on a class outing with my 1AD2 ACJC classmates before!" when we enter our new colleges or classes. this probably explains why we manages to break the 'single-digit' attendance barrier for class outings this very day (err.. yesterday. whatever).



i must say i kinda regret leaving so early since i was later informed that i had, in fact, missed out on a ton of funny stuff that happened after the movie. apparently kenneth (master pon-ner) decided to come for the class outing after all and he was, of course, sabo-ed into drinking some sort of concoction that my classmates brewed as a forfeit in the number game. they actually FORCED him to say the number. haha. maybe i shouldn't have left early. *sigh*

oh and before the movie, we had lunch and this really funny scenario surfaced and i couldn't help but RECORD THE WHOLE PROCESS with my handy camera.

THE EYE-DROP LESSON *rolls on the floor laughing*



private joke private joke. i think bryan was already a little pissed off when i recorded the whole process so i shan't continue humiliating the poor guy in front of the whole world. *wahahaha* but just to share a little...



i think this must be one of the more successful class outings, considering that there were 10 people who turned up and those who didn't mostly had valid reasons. thinking back, the previous class outing at KBox...





haha. they said that minghui kept hogging the mike so we were determined not to EVER step into KBox for a class outing since we would simply be paying money to watch minghui perform. not to mention having to endure Jasmine's continued laughter at our not-so-good singing. hilarious. *wahahha* there was another place where we were adamnant not to go to again as well. we were unwilling to pay money for a game of pool and watch cavell single-handedly clear the table instead. *cocks an eyebrow*

i can safely say now that i am glad i didn't continue to isolate myself from the class like i did during the first few days of school. these 3 months in ACJC may not have been exactly SENSATIONAL for me like it was for some others, but at least i have some fond memories to feed my mind with when i finally leave the college when this term is over.

like the way we always feel left out during history lectures since the lecturer was the tutor of almost every other class in the LT except for US. and the way we always become so nervous when we realized that there was actually Econs homework that we had forgotten to complete. and how we were SOOO irated when the trainee teacher sat in for Marhaini's lesson and resulted in her giving us a hell of a time during the whole tutorial. not to forget our 'unique-smelling' EL3 classroom, which aircons had to be gently reminded to work once every five minutes. and the awfully torturous Founder's Days that we sat through (around 8 hours in all, 2 celebs).

and the way we tried ways and means to pon PE lessons and ended up having Mark Ng supervising us like a hawk on the very last physical conditioning period. and also the formation of the 'chicken rice' gang who sat down during lunch every day to enjoy their plates of chicken rice even though the queue is so damn long. of course there was also the 'very humorous' AO Math Teacher, Mr Tan, who never fails to send us into laughing fits by going waaayy out of point every lesson, without even realising it. also, Mr Eka Tanu, whom Andrina strongly favours, and Mr Sam Ng, whom Viknesh detests (ok, maybe i'm exaggerating here) since the lessons perpetually send us nodding off into dreamland with our eyes opened wide (i can do it!). and how can i ever forget GP tutor Ms Susan Toh, who was branded the most boring and queer teacher we've ever encountered (mumbling to herself to lessons and cracking jokes that might have been funny if we could actually HEAR it). and Mrs Tan, whose lessons were actually quite relaxing since we always find ways to crap with her during Chinese periods. plus i personally feel Ms Gloria Chan is a super weird teacher who gets very agitated whenever she is raising a minor point during IH tutorials *cocks an eyebrow*, then crack a joke that we would usually take quite a few minutes to realize that we were suppose to laugh at it.

of course there were private jokes that were shared between the few groups of us. the most celebrated one would be the 'couple' whose relationship blossomed during the first few weeks of school, and the physical separation when Chris had to leave for Melbourne for foundation studies, while Shi Ying stayed on in AC (they are still in contact *clap*clap*). and how can i forget the Circle Of Trust?? haha. this i can't tell. i am supposed to be a TRUSTED member. *wahahaha*

close friends? maybe not exactly close, but we can get along fairly well and there are certain things that we talk about in private too. i must say that Shu Ying and Minghui have played an important role during my first 3 months in AC since their presence ensured that i wouldn't be lonely during my stay there =). i can still remember the cross-country where we laughed ourselves silly at Yonghan and Bryan for apparently being... 'auntie', as Ming Hui described. *wahhaha*

Shu Ying, especially, make me very amused at her frequent visits to the toilet as a result of her frequent sips from her water bottle, such that i named her... the water tank. i helped her refilled her bottle during the start of recess and barely approaching the end of the break, she is out of water again?? and that was a rather big bottle too. *rolls on floor laughing* and i'm sure she'll say 'i'm sure' at this. Sure-ying. *hahahah*

*sigh* it has been nice staying in ACJC, especially in 1AD2. but i have to say that the difference in culture and way of looking at things differ considerably, and i cannot visualise myself making my way through all these differences for the next 2 years. not to mention that it is too far, literally. so i guess i gotta move on to a place that better suits me~~

till we meet again, 1AD2.



people who went for class outing today.
from top left:
Yong Han, Byran, Cavell
from bottom left:
Shi Ying, Ming Hui, Shu Ying, Xinyi, Jasmine, Andrina
not in photo: Kenneth
other classmates: Viknesh, Tessa, Miranda, Angeline, Chris, Yati, Geraldine

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

9:57 PM

currently listening to: Paradox [w-inds.]

......

i'm not gonna go back ACJC anyway... so why am i not allowed to skip school???

*grumbles*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Monday, March 07, 2005

8:05 PM

currently listening to: Lucky Star [Pretear]

i refuse to believe that i'm that black!!! i'm definitely not THAT BLACK!!! *tears out hair in desperation* i may be tanned... but never BLACK.

fine.. i'm deluding myself. whatever. BLAME IT ON ACJC ORIENTATION 2005!!!

returning to blogging. by the way, this is just one of the very strange thoughts that occurred to me today. bet most of you guys won't understand. *wahahha*

i was taking my usual route home from school today. walking under the hot sun all the way from ACJC to the Buona Vista Mrt Station. taking the MRT from Buona Vista to Bedok. walking the stretch of road that led me to the very end of the Bedok Bus Interchange to board my bus (only to find that i lost my water bottle). taking the bus all the way to my stop at Bedok Reservoir [deliberately written to explain exactly how FAR the potato school is].

as i rounded the corner that led me into the awaiting lift, i stopped dead in my tracks when i realized that i almost trampled on the hand of a BLANGADESHEE (ah~ma.. *sobx*), whistling away while scrubbing the walls of the lift.

"ahh.. hello~"
"oh!" *busy*busy*

feeling rather uneasy, i move into the corner of the lift as he continued scrubbing the walls while making space for me to stand. i was watching his every move with every bit of interest. i had never seen anybody washing the lifts before. in fact, i hadn't even THOUGHT about how the loan sharks' scrawls and scribbles (not to mention *ahem* dirt from.. *ahem* the inside of the nose) miraculously disappeared from the walls. as i scrtutinized the man before me, i was deeply impressed and amazed by his dedication to his work even though others hardly notice.
there wasn't any bit of contempt, or annoyance, or reluctance when he scrubbed the walls well and hard with all his might.

scrub, scrub, scrub... pause... scrutinize... spray, spray, spray detergent... scrub, scrub, scrub... pause... scrutinize... smiles... turns... scrub,scrub,scrub...

i am not exaggerating things. he was really THAT involved in his work, and probably only stopped whistling cuz he was embarrassed with my presence. i have to admit i was staring at this man a with a 'what-is-this-man-doing' expression when he suddenly turned and scrubbed the other wall behind him. i heard a really uncomfortable squishing sound and looked down at his feet.

water, soapy water to be exact, was oozing out from his slippers as he moved around and exerted force onto it. his entire feet was drenched and a little wrinkled from the soap water and i couldn't help but wince at that sight. that was when i truly felt impressed by this unsung hero.

i must first declare that i HATE wearing slippers and slippers that are soaked with SOAP WATER completely turns me off. can you imagine? walking around with these 'water-pump' slippers and soaking your feet in soapy water every step you take...

eeks.

but when the man worked, he was oblivious to everything, including his slippers which apparently wasn't very comfortable when his entire feet resembled wilting rose petals. he scrubbed the walls as if he was washing his very own precious car (if he had one). and to think that all these work was being done yet i haven't even taken notice of it before.

i stepped out of the lift and began thinking about the man who resumed whistling right after i left. exactly how many times have he done this? exactly how many people are there who are like this? exactly how many people gave their everything yet did not receive any applause at all? exactly how many sacrificed and yet are still able to be happy without returns?

*sigh* i guess i have lots to learn.

oh, just in case any of you guys wanna know, this is the unofficial ranking of JCs based on the 2004 GCE A LEVEL results..

1. RAFFLES JUNIOR COLLEGE
2. HWA CHONG INSTITUTE
3. VICTORIA JUNIOR COLLEGE
4. ANGLO-CHINESE JUNIOR COLLEGE
5. ANDERSON JUNIOR COLLEGE
6. NATIONAL JUNIOR COLLEGE
7. TEMASEK JUNIOR COLLEGE

first four confirmed but the ones below are tentative. ACJC's number four??? man... maybe i'm missing out on something...

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Friday, March 04, 2005

11:04 PM

currently listening to: Sekai no Yakusoku [Howl's Moving Castle]

maybe TPJC's not such a bad place. i'm HOPING that it isn't such a bad place.

i applied for the whatever JAE thingy and TJC's my first choice as usual, TPJC's the second and MJC's the third. it's gonna take a MIRACLE for TJC to take me in so i guess my fate as a TPJCian is more or less sealed.

all the nice dreams about going to TJC... *kapoosh*

my brother got back his A level results today. ABBB. sometimes i wonder if all the 'smart' genes from my parents went solely to my brother and left me with the second-graded ones. he hardly sutdies at home and yet he got an ABBB? does last-minute workp really help? maybe i should try that someday instead of working my brains out for the whole of the year and still end up getting results that are below my expectations.

but still, i'm happy for him. first person in the Lee family to make it to a university!!! *clap*clap*clap*

thinking about it, will TPJC really be the school that allow me entrance into university life? considering all the stuff that i've been hearing from my brother and friends, TPJC's really a slacker school and if you're lucky enough, you won't get influenced.

and when have i ever been lucky?

the choir alumni practice today really got me thinking. Xinling told me she didn't want to stay in TPJC cuz the Chinese standard isn't high and that the people there are really lackadaisical. i have no doubt that all these information IS true, so i'm really getting worried about the possibility of me burning all of my books in the first half of the year and visiting Tampines Mall everyday.

seriously, do you guys have faith in me still being able to remain as hardworking as i was in secondary school? i can confidently declare that i DETEST studying now because i've been through so many experiences where hardcore studying brought me nothing more than disappointment.

i'm really thinking about putting the hardworking genes in me to sleep. there's hardly any motivation for me to work hard now. not the guy in VJC (cuz he's too smart for me and will probably fly to some super established college in Canada to get a degree or something), not the prospect of being able to score good grades (cuz things always find a way to make my hard work seem like wasted effort), and don't tell me i have to study for my future since all this talk will just deepen my regret when i don't make the mark for university.

whatever. i still HAVE to stick to TPJC and i guess i'll just have to make the most out of it. maybe i should learn to take things easy like my brother. cool and steady about the whole thing, and out pops an ABBB. no need to be so super hardworking, no need to be so uptight about exam results, JUST GIVE WHATEVER I CAN.



just whack? *wahahha* reminds me of 1AD2. talk about that some other time.

oh, tingxu!! i want you to give your word that you will never ever ever tell anyone that i like that guy when you go to VJC!!! not even those who dunno me. don't even say 'i have a friend who likes this guy...'. this is strictly between the few of us. TAKE THE OATH. *frowns*

and i'll provide the camera. *grins* hey! you are the lucky girl ok! share some of your good fortune with me. *sobx*

i apologise to anyone who didn't understand the above gibberish.

hmm... 1 more week until i'm officially out of ACJC. 2 more weeks until i officially enter TPJC. 2 more years until i receive my A Level results. it doesn't take a guru to figure out that the next two years will be tough years. i'm not even sure of what's gonna happen after 2 weeks. will i find myself being better off in ACJC than in TPJC? will i face the same situation like i did in the starting of the first 3 months in ACJC? i guess it's all inevitable.

man, i really need to cope with life. it's moving so fast and encompassing so many irritating changes while i'm helplessly rooted to the ground, unable to keep up. god, i really need more time to sort things out and settle the problems i have with myself to get everything right again.

helpless. just helpless.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。