currently listening to: Taisetsu na Negai [Nanaka 6/17]

time flew and here we are in the year 2005.

looking back, secondary school days seemed to be filled with alot of different faces. as i recall every area of the school, there are always so many faces that appear along with those spots. the 4E5 classroom with the usual giggling and laughing and cracking of lame jokes, the 2E4 classroom buzzing with activity and animated conversations, the canteen where we spent so much time queueing up just for a piece of bread or a plate of chicken rice, the library with its 'sophisticated' music and slow-like-tortoise librarian (not to forget the time when we were forced to write down our phrases and book titles there or serve a fate worse than death executed by the HOD), the classroom corridor that is always swarmed with students almost every fifth time the bell rings, the parade ground where we were always shooed by those nasty prefects to sit and read while the HOD goes around pulling our hair and kicking our legs, the hall where we receive daily leg cramps with our ears subjected to endless talking and nagging and scolding and presentations...

and the toilet where i spent many moments with on the toilet bowl i so loved.

everything suddenly becomes very blurry as the scenes play themselves in the 'super fast forward' mode. there are just so many so many things to remember yet it is sad that it is inevitable that one day, half or even more than half of these scenes will never surface in my mind again. that's the way it goes.

things become even more depressing when i realise that there's only one more day left to the reopening of school, an unfamiliar school that is located miles and miles away from my warm and cosy home...

and i have no idea what to do there. *dread*

honestly and extremly truthfully, i really don't want to go for the first 3 months in ACJC. the thought of being separated from those familiar faces and surroundings just freaks me out. it's like the first day of primary school where you get plonked there and don't even know a single person. but still, it's different. i mean, it's primary school! interacting with 7-year-old kids is easy for an adult, and EVEN MORE easier when you are a 7-year-old kid yourself. but between 16-year-olds... things are different because everyone has grown up.

sigh.

still, i'm counting my blessings. i hope the 3 months will be over just like how fast year 2004 did. i don't care about TJC anymore, i just wanna go someplace where i know the people there. some place like TPJC, or even MJC. hopefully i'll still score enough get into these nearby JCs. *crosses fingers*

and some things just cannot be forgotten no matter how hard you try. i tried, i failed, but i'm not the least unhappy about it-- all thanks to my inborn stubborness.

let me talk about other things.

the pigs meet really started me thinking recently. we exchanged christmas gifts and shared thoughts and ate at Seoul Garden (black shop, do not ever go there as long as you are not as rich as Bill Gates). after the meal at Seoul Garden we went to Tingxu's house to exchange gifts. somehow we started talking about real serious stuff like politics and religion and tsunamis. *feels funny*

politics? ahh.. basically casinos and gays and stuff. we didn't get too agitated over these stuff as most people would but many of us were just not happy with the casino and the gay stuff.

religion. talked about christianity. found out that day that yokes and li have converted so that leaves michelle and me being the only non-christians in the group. somehow, the topic got me intrigued. all the stuff about the prophecies and warnings that the time is gonna come soon really got me thinking. can they just be coincidences? there's this natural instinct in me to doubt every piece of information that i receive, especially when i'm not exactly familiar with it.

but i find it amazing that some of the prophecies my friends talked about really did come true already. i became a little fearful of seeing my friends just disappear all of a sudden and leaving me behind. i became even more fearful when i read about the relevation in the bible.

i don't wanna talk about my doubts and questions about the issue. i have a certain degree of belief in it already. but somehow, i really don't wanna just convert like that. whether it is stubborness or cowardice i don't know but there are many problems to face if i just make up my mind like that. family is the first and biggest problem. i cannot lie to my parents and convert behind their backs and i know that they will never be willing to convert, least to say let me convert. then it's also my problem-- i fear i lack the sincerity.

i don't wanna just believe in something because i fear that something bad will happen to me if i don't. it is because i was told of the possible grim result that i started to think about the issue. otherwise i don't think i'll ever give much serious thought about it. so it's just not possible for me to agree to something so serious with the reason that i fear for my life. in my opinion, i would be a coward and an insincere believer who turn to Christ because i am afraid of facing hell alone when the day comes. that would be a tremendous personal insult to both myself and the religion. if i want to be a believer, i should not believe only because of such reasons.

and i am also starting to question it. so this means that i cannot just convert like that when i am not firmly clear of the issue. at least for now i can't.

maybe i need more time.

ahh... how come i became so serious?? let me talk about the first day of the new day. like it should happen, i received so greetings for the new year.... at home. *sobx* wasn't allowed to go to the countdown at downtown east where Li and Michelle and Alrina was at. i'm tying hard to persuade my parents to let me go next year though *hopeful*. and just when i was soundly asleep wanfung called and hung up the moment i answered. felt like hitting him when i had struggled so much just to get up from bed and answer the call. then it turned out that he just wanted to say "a happy new year and merry christmas" (maybe he was talking about the 12 days of christmas -_-"), and he laughed and laughed and laughed on the phone and left me completely blur-rified at what was going on -__-". wonder how many people he woke felt like hitting him as much as i did that night.

yes, i value my beauty sleep!!!

and you asking for my new year resolution?? ahh...

firstly, to survive the first 3 months of ACJC.
secondly, to strive and strive and strive for the general paper and AO maths.
thirdly, to always contact my friends.
fourthly, to read newspapers everyday.
fifthly, to go on a diet. *bulging stomach alert*

oh yes, we went through grandfather's leftover medical supplies yesterday and donated them all to the tsunami disaster victims this afternoon. never thought that these supplies would come in handy in such a situation like this though. hope they'll be of a little help. money?? yeah, we gave that too. kinda disheartening to see years of hard work put in by the locals of the disaster-struck areas just gone like that. makes me think if hard work really pays off when they can be so easily swept away like that. *sighs* and isn't it obvious enough?? just a few big waves and so many lives come to an end, yet some people are lame enough to kill their own species and smash into tall buildings.

hello??? please take care of life...?

so i guess i will not be blogging until the first day of school is over. wish me luck. i really need it. WISH ME LUCK.

and i found this really cute picture of naruto and hinata!!! gogogo hinata!!!

rock lee rocks too!! ahh... sounds funny...





sigh. seasons come and seasons go yet the seasons to be remembered are always the first to be left behind...

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。