currently listening to: Yume No Basho He[w-inds.]

hi. first day of lectures just ended today.

lectures today started off with nothing. a couple of self-introductions and introduction to the subject and etc. basically, i gained no knowledge today, academically-wise. i think it's gonna be the same tomorrow. after all, it IS our FIRST lecture. i guess the teachers wanna give us a good impression and not bore us to death.

we had chapel this morning too. believe it or not, it lasted all the way till recess at 9.10am. this means that 1/4 of the day was spent on devotion to God. is that considered good or not?? i'm confused.

and there was a choir audition after school today. as you can probably guess, i had to hang around in school cuz lessons for me ended at 11.50am and the choir audition was at 2pm (normally, we can only leave school earliest 1.10pm, even if lessons end early). made a couple of new friends, found someone who had the same interest (ANIME!!) as me and she even reads Peacemaker Kurogane (can't believe it). unfortunately... she's in a different class and i don't think we can even meet up often during lectures (different lecture theatres).

and now i am going to talk about the choir audition... hmm...

i failed. not that they told me in the face that i failed, it was customary for the choir there to call you around a week later to inform you whether you've been selected or not but i am positive i failed.

let me just tell you how it's suppose to go. they asked me to sing our school song (yes, the 'come on hai sing~' one) TWICE, then a segment of the AC school song.

"now sing this: god SAVE this land and heaven bless our ACS forever~~"
"ahh... what are the lyrics???" (i din noe the song yet)
"oh, then nvm about the lyrics. sing: laLALAlalalalalalalalala~~" (sing to 'la')
"umm.. ok... laLAlalalalalalalalala~" (TERRIBLY off tune. i was shocked)
"do that again one more time. listen carefully: laLAlalalalalalala~~"
"laLAlalalalalalalaa~" (still HORRIBLY off tune. i was devastated)
"ok xinyi. thank you. we'll call you blah blah blah"

sobx. the note is PEANUTS to the hai sing choir but i couldn't reach it!!! i was flabbergasted after i left the audition room. call myself a HAIsinger. S1 sumore. it was as if i sang in monotone!!! and the note is one which we would ALWAYS sing during warm-ups. it wasn't high at all!!! yet i couldn't reach it!!! what the hell happened to me???

i was so sad (still am). so sad that i phoned judy and told her that my hopes of getting into ACJC choir has gone up in smoke. now i have no CCA to join because the CCA exhibition is over and i didn't know the respective CCA-in-charges. i am still gonna try and ask around tomorrow about the photographic society. hopefully i can still get in. but i sms-ed tingxu just now about the choice of my CCA and she advised me to join something more interesting. -____-

maybe she's right. but i am really someone without much talents. i mean, i have been in choirs all my life!!! suddenly there is this change and i have no idea what i am good at now. didn't have the chance to explore. or rather, i'm too easily contented. and actually the photography club had been my second choice ever since i saw the choice of CCAs ACJC had to offer. moreover, it is only for the first 3 months!! i doubt i'll ever step into ACJC after that so...

i'll try asking around tomorrow. *prays*

ok, next i am going to move on to another topic.

i wanna thank all my friends for putting up with me so far. i recognise that i have been a little overbearing ever since i entered ACJC. not that i became *ahem*, of course, but because i have been complaining too much about the JC.

just look at my past few entries!! ALL about ACJC and how my life sucks there!!! i mean, i can't even stand reading them myself! and all throughout the day i have been sms-ing people and telling them how sad and unhappy i am in ACJC that even i myself felt irritated at my behaviour.

if i am bored in school, i would sms and say, "i'm bored. pls entertain me. sobx."
if i am sad, i would sms and say, " sobx. i so sad. I SO SAD!!!..."
if i am feeling angry at things, i would sms and say, "shit! i am so pissed!!..."
if i am feeling amused at things, i would sms and say, "hey! wassup! you know there's is..."

EVERYTHING IS COMPLAINTS AND COMPLAINTS AND COMPLAINTS!!! and i do that everyday.

it's like i'm a whiny girl who does nothing but complain and depend on others for comfort and support all the time. ok, maybe technically, i am. i always feel very bad when i sms my friends and pour my troubles out to them so often. i mean, they have their own stuff to do as well and yet i continue to bug them all day.

but i just can't help it. i hope you guys understand. i'm not mature enough to be fully independent. i need support and comfort and whatever, and i must say i don't like the way i am right now. i know that all these vulnerabilities become overbearingly obvious especially after i got into ACJC but i guess i must find my way to grow up somehow. just not right away. give me some time. i promise after a few weeks, i'll not bug you guys so much anymore.

thank you judy, for attending to all my complaints and never saying that you're sick of them when i keep repeating the same depressing things over and over again almost everyday. ya such a sweet and understanding girl. i don't know why but whenever i feel like complaining i'll think of you. *wahahah* kinda miss those days when we took bus 21 home together. we didn't talk much then and now i am truly regretful for keeping my golden mouth shut most of the time on the bus. i should have talked more!! what was it with me!?!?! now that we've no chance to talk so often anymore, i keep bugging you to chat with you. it's so ironic.

thank you xinwei, for at least always sms-ing me to keep me entertained with whatever that's happening over at your side. i know sometimes i take a long time to reply cuz it was always during assembly and lectures that i receive your sms. you have no idea how comforted i am whenever i receive an sms from you, just telling me about what you've encountered. it's so good to know that someone still remembers you and bothers to interact with you still!! those days when we talk about all lame things under the sun everyday are over now... and now it's so hard to even relate simple daily events through sms-es...

thank you tingxu, for still bothering to keep in contact. i know you must be very intrigued with JC life right now, and that there are a thousand and one things you will want to explore. being so serious about work as you are, you must find it very hard to keep in contact (longer school hours etc) yet sometimes you still bother to ask me, "hey, how's school today?" and i would reply with a million and one complaints about ACJC. *sobx* i think you must feel very irritated by me. hehe... but thanks man, you are the most faithful friend one can ever ask for. i miss those days when you'll knock me on the head with the class diary... and chide me for whatever lame jokes that i cracked... hahaha...

thanks to the pigs too! they've been my source of encouragement in making friends. just thinking about you guys makes me assured that making friends isn't all that difficult at all. =)

and to juliana and regina, who have always been assuring me that they'll never forget me and our friendship will remain forever and ever. i mean, the friendship with you guys confirms the fact that there ARE friends who will walk with you all the way. we've been friends for more than 6 years now, from primary school till the present, you two have always remained my best friends and have been there for me all the time. you guys can read me like a book (*sobx* no privacy) but still i have to say, honestly and sincerely, thanks. =)

and pipi!!! dunno where you go liao. i'm really sorry that i wasn't there for you when you needed support or something (maybe), and not contacting you even once since school reopened... gosh, i am feeling guilty already. i promise to contact you k! but you must also reply one leh!!! just don't find me a drag lah hor.. i will complain and complain and complain.. hehe.. miss drinking from your water bottle, man. i can't get used to any other types of bottles. *sobx*

and alrina lah... just wanna let you know... it's friends forever too ok? and i will sms too once in a while to complain *wahahah* and thanks for being so enthusiastic about things too. it really gets the atmosphere up sometimes. i miss those days where we would lame around together man. i think your jokes are lamer than mine. *wahahah* ok lah... i am partly responsible for you being so lame anyway... love ya!!!

and to ah~ma!! *wahahah* i guess you didn't expect me to thank you rite!! just wanna say thanks for letting me hug you the other day lah... i really needed that man. i was like despairing over life in ACJC for the next day then i suddenly saw a hai sing uniform and found your familiar face that i couldn't control myself. i think you must be shocked though *whaahha* can still remember your expression. and also, thank you for always replying to whatever i post on my blog. it's a source of encouragement for me to pour out my troubles freely and without restraint here, knowing that someone will always be here to receive them. =)

despite saying all this... i'm still gonna continue bugging you guys for some time. *wahahha* like i said, give me time.

i miss my brother!!! argh. he better not be seeing this. he's not gonna believe his eyes that i actually wrote 'i miss him'. *sobx* nobody at home for me to complain to now...

i'm getting emotional. life in ACJC really makes me stretched mentally and physically (such long school hours *sweatdrops*). *sigh* i guess i better get prepared for another day there...

and ask around for the photography club too.



記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。