currently listening to: Perfect World [Fushigi Yuugi- Nuriko]

don't accuse me of lazing around with less than 2 weeks to the 'O's!! to make up for this, i'm gonna study till my brain switches off in front of the computer today.

i just can't help it!! it's Graduation Night today! i had exactly no idea that it was going to be so much fun. i had never taken so many pictures before, had never received so many presents before, had never been so high before, had never smiled for so for long before my whole life~

it's an unforgettable night. i was looking through the pictures i had taken today, or rather yesterday, and at the last picture i found myself grinning away and i couldn't stop it. events that happened all through these four years kept floating back into my head as i looked at one picture after another and they kept me smiling for so long. this means that i had spent a happy 4 years in Hai Sing, something that i had never thought about. i mean, i never thought that i was actually that happy throughout the 4 years. now that i recollect-- i must be the luckiest person on earth.

it's the friends lah. thank you so much.

god, i'm starting to feel sad. i'm actually leaving the school!!! i'm actually leaving the school where i got to know my precious Pigs. Co., the classroom where i lamed around everyday with Aboone, Judy, Alrina and Pipi, the place where i fought so many examination papers, the area where i spent so much time singing my lungs out, the location where both my tears and laughter had been accepted graciously by wonderful friends.

from now on, will they be gone forever? will i forget them as easily as i forget my wallet, or will they forget me as quickly as they can make new friends? will we lose contact like me and my primary school gang? will we greet each other when our paths cross at Orchard Road one day? will we even recognise each other when youth abandon us many years later?

will we laugh as innocently together as we did today?

i've always hated the process of growing up. that's why i try to hold on to as much of the memories and old thinking that i had even when years pass me by. and the years in Hai Sing are definitely things that i will remember even if i do suffer from amnesia one day.

dots. the song's getting to me. I WILL NOT CRY!!!

i was reading Judy's blog just now. she kind of surprised me with the extent of her 'thing' for err.. 'little lulu'. as i read every line of her entry, i felt as though i am seeing a mirror image of myself in later years of Primary Six. i can understand perfectly how she feels about the parting but i guess everyone handles it differently.

Don't cry! because tears will always find a way to make you give things up. Don't cry! because fond memories should deserve laughter. Don't cry! because you have been blessed with love for another.

which reminds me, i'm finally going to put my four years of perserverance to the test! four years of K-ing books, four years of restraining myself from falling for anyone else, four years of reminding myself again and again of what i really wanted, four years of counting the days to the day where i will find out whether my decision was a wise one, I'M FINALLY GOING TO TAKE THE TEST!!!

and i hope that i can pull it through. because i don't want tears that will make me give things up again, ESPECIALLY this one.

akiramenai.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Monday, October 18, 2004

10:37 PM

currently listening to: 永遠的途中 [w-inds.]

2 weeks to O levels.

i screwed up my o level science practical today. don't ask me how but i know it's not my fault. THEY MIXED UP THE SOLUTIONS!!!

it's gonna be 2 weeks of non-stop studying. it seems so surreal that i'm gonna sit for the Big O in 2 weeks time. the fact that i have only started on my science so far (because of the practical) isn't good.

2 weeks seems like such a short time for me to prepare!!! i'm gonna die! i'm gonna die! i'm gonna die! i'm gonna DIE!!!! *paranoid*

*tears off hair*

oh and stefanie's going to release her new album soon!!! FINALLY!!!

and w-inds. is gonna hold a concert in taiwan! on the 13th and 14th of November. shucks. i should be tearing out my hair by then.

went to HMV the other day and found out that there are SO MANY CDs that i wanna buy! there's this really nice soundtrack on all the japaneses pop music with 'weddings' as the theme. think it's called "Virgin Road". i'm gonna get that somehow.

and i'm starting to like ryota mitsunaga's songs too!! i can't find them anywhere on the net. this means that i gonna have to BUY the cd, that is, if i have the money.

but these will have to wait until the 'O''s are over. then i'm gonna take my big fat w-inds. wallet (wallet with money especially reserved for w-inds. stuff) and shop till i drop.

2 weeks to 'O' levels.

i'm not blogging anymore!

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Saturday, October 09, 2004

1:16 AM

currently listening to: 永遠的途中 [w-inds.]

永遠的途中

this is the sub-track of w-inds. new single!!! words are so limited that i simply cannot find any adjectives to describe my feelings when i first heard this song. or maybe it's just because my vocab is lousy. -_-" sobx.. C5 for English... *broods*

anyway, it's a really sad sad song, from the way keita expresses himself in it. a little similar to Futari Ga Futari De, but this one is waaaay more touching. i don't know about the lyrics (so far, i've only managed to get hold of DIRECT translations, and you know how bad they are), but this is definitely one of the few songs that keita ever put so much FEEL into. *swoons*

*xinyi continues to drool and swoon over the song and keita's voice for the next 30 minutes*

ok, i'm still here at 1 pm in the morning!! yep, busy looking for "永遠的途中". #@&*()!^, some message boards are just so stingy with their downloads. special thanks to "dedicated to w-inds." for giving me the chance to download such a fantastic song. I LOVE YOU!!!

so what happened today? the day was filled with books, aching hands, exhausted minds, SPIT, inconsiderate students and COMPLAINTS. hahaha. refer to judy's entry today for further details. the only thing i can say is, i'm glad that i was already on the second level when it happened. tingxu (Barny) got really really mad over the incident and the whole big group of us (including Marilene, Shan Hui and Jing Shan, whom we happened to meet on our way to the phone booth to complain) crowded around this small red public phone and stared at tingxu anxiously (hmm.. maybe this is not the right word..) or amusedly as we witnessed her funny change of expressions when she found out that Coral Sec's telephone lines were actually so computerised and TROUBLESOME as it requires one to key in a series of different numbers for the sole purpose of complaining something to the school management.

dots.

so that was basically it, at least for today. maybe i should have included the fact that we walked here and there around White Sands just to look for a Telephone Directory. seriously, they should consider providing such basic things in shopping malls. learn from Changi Airport! these books are even cased there!!!

oh and i found something amazing today!

http://www.163888.net/sing/openmusic.aspx?id=185455

this girl is fantastic. she sounds 90% similar to keita in the past!! i never thought i would appreciate, or even accept, other imitations of w-inds.' songs. now this is really different, that is, if you are familiar with w-inds..

i've been realizing that i've done many stupid things in the past. now that i recall these stupid things i've done in the best, i find myself trying to run away from it, not wanting to accept that i've done something so idiotic. but it's amusing to think that i was that childish in the past, although they still say i am now (they have also been saying that i'm lame).

it's funny, or embarassing, depending on the situation, when you find answers to questions, which you asked someone a long long time ago, only today. and you'd be thinking, oh man, what was i thinking?? asking a question like that??

or maybe you've been filled with regret with something you've done, or maybe, not done. when you suddenly realize that you've actually DONE it a long long time ago, just that your level of intelligence then did not allow you to recognize the fact that you've already done it. my reaction was that i immediately felt embarrassed, and 1 minute later i started laughing to myself as my brother stared at me as if i was some kind of weird and deformed being (either that or he thinks that i'm staring at w-inds.' photos).

upon realization, maybe it wasn't that important anymore. but considering the fact that i've already got this far, i might as well continue with what i am doing now, though i'm sure that even if i experience failure, it wouldn't matter to me as much as it did before 'the realization'. wah.. chim talk. let me just revert to being a w-inds. fanatic in the extreme fangirl mode.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! w-inds.!! let me show you some shots from the latest PV- SHIKI!!!

the dancing:







the story:







ok, that's it. have to wake up t 0730 tomorrow to accompany my mother to the doctor. i will continue to strive for my O levels!! (please put your mind at ease, ah ma. that is, IF you are that concerned over my studies. wahahaha~ work for your EOYs too!!)

nitez.~

nono... should be 'morningz~"...

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Sunday, October 03, 2004

10:47 PM

currently listening to: 四季 [w-inds.]

ok, i'm here again. yet another day of staring at the textbooks and not understanding a single word in them.

man, this can't keep happening!!! i don't wanna fail my 'O' levels!!

ok, tomorrow. i'm gonna lock myself up in the room tml and STUDY. nothing's gonna stop me now. i think. but there are so many things i need to go online for!!! i can't just stop surfing!! what about w-inds. single on 6th Oct?? i haven't listened to the sub-track yet!!

but maybe i shouldn't. if this goes on and i fail my 'O's, i may even end up blaming and hating w-inds. for my failure! *horrified* NO!!!!!!!!

ok, i have decided. for the good of myself as well as my passion for w-inds., I SHALL NOT GO ONLINE ANYMORE. at least until the 'O's are over. I SWEAR. otherwise i shall chop off my hands.

let this be the last time.

so let me share more.

i'm quite surprised with the recent spate of events, including my mother's problems etc. what i had really not expected was that there are actually friends who are still willing to stand by me and share my problems and burdens.

no, i don't mean you guys don't do that. but i just didn't expect someone not as close to me to do that. and these friends are the ones i've been 'nasty' to in one way or another as well.

this has really got me thinking. i think there are really many things that i've taken for granted in the past. now that it's not nearly the same anymore, i guess i just have to learn to regret it once again, like how it always happen so many times. i just wish to apologise for whatever things i've done towards these friends, with or without my knowing but please take in mind that half or more of the things i did were definitely NOT intentional. please trust me.

and thank you too.

lately i've been tuned to the "History Mode". no, not the subject history but rather my past in primary school etc. i am beginning to remember friends whom i have long forgotten and wondering to myself, "she was such a good friend. how did i ever manage to not remember her??" it suddenly became clear to me that i am really someone who has a hole in my brain which allows me to forget so many important things that i'm not suppose to. in simple words, i'm getting senile. 5 years down the road when you see me, i will be staring and pointing at you with weird exaggerated actions, trying to recall if you had been my friend in secondary school. please do not give me the 'flying-shoe-treatment' if i suddenly decide that i don't know you at all after much squinting and murmuring to myself.

hmm. for the next few days, i think i'm gonna stare at some pictures (*drool*) to just motivate me through this period. i need to find the 'A-grade Nerd Spirit' again if i wanna pass my 'O's. i just hope it's not too late.

some things i see or read about is really starting to get me worried.

sigh.

oh and i just found out today that if you send a sms to a home number, that home's phone will actually ring and someone will read out the message! urgh... sounds a little... dots. imagine a machine reading out the sms in a super monotonous voice and you will be there straining your ear to try to catch every word. was that 'the' or was that 'a'? it is worse when the sms is written in short forms, such as "2ml", and than the machine will read out "two-M-L" and you will be thinking, what the hell was that??

ok. just call me a mountain tortoise. i admit i am slow.

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。

Saturday, October 02, 2004

5:45 PM

currently listening to: Love Will Lead You Back [Taylor Dayne]

was exhausted yesterday, after having played the whole day away with my gang of pigs. jumping into the pool when i had abstained from it for 4 years already, was definitely an invigorating experience for me. imagine the goosebumps that surfaced from the skins of my body when i stupidly dropped myself straight down into the cold cold water. not to mention the anger i felt when someone SAT on my spectacles, leaving it wet and DEFORMED. i could make out the butt mark even though i wasn't, or couldn't, with my spectacles. other than that the rest of the swim was fun. we spent our time swimming into the paths of other swimmers who were trying their best to swim a few laps. imagine xinwei subconsciously 'floating' into the path of a man who was swimming at full speed to the other side of the pool-- we had to PULL her back. oh, and we spent the last part of the swim crawling about in the kids' pool to look for Li's lost hairband, which had apparently been lost in the violent waterfall (yes, a WATERFALL-- super violent. knocked me down onto the floor. BUMMER.) which we got under so so many times.

and before that i spent around 2 hours in front of the telly with the pigs, watching the movie, "Down with Love", where i found myself completely blur-rified by all the laughing and giggling of the others, who claimed that the show was filled with pervertic jokes though i only managed to get one or two of them. and to think i thought yoke ling had already trained me enough with hers.

we returned after the swim to plonk ourselves down in front of the telly once again, and received the shock of our lives when we witnessed Jessea being eliminated from Singapore Idol. Carine was literally banging her head against the erm.. cushion after she realised she had not voted for Jessea the day before, because she thought she was confirmed to get in. sigh, the unexpected.

stupid tingxu had to leave early. and she didn't come with a purple swimsuit either (BARNEY). i swear i'm gonna get you one for your birthday.

so the day ended like that. i slept at around 12.30 and that is considered early because i had totally no energy to even look at the computer screen after that.

i woke up today with a sudden realisation (yet again) that i hadn't done anything for the 'O' levels since the Prelims. i did try to look at the books but i found absolutely no motivation to sustain my concentration. so i went online again.

sigh. the lack of determination.

but this time i did try to LOOK for my motivation. apart from controlling myself from drooling away at w-inds. photos and PV, i found another photo of my primary school friend!! *rejoicing* it's been such a looong time. by the way, i heard he's aiming for VJC. and that he's still super smart.

-_-"

shucks. i just know that i have to start studying. i can't even make it to TJC in the prelims!!!

*tears out hair*

記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。