currently listening to: 四季 [w-inds.]

i'm halfway through the prelims.

there aren't many things i can do about stupid answers (dragon milk.. bah.), careless mistakes and foolish misconceptions, except to sulk over them. coming till this far was something i've never considered before, yet the fact that i am living through it now actually seems so *toot* that i can hardly believe this is what i imagined it to be. weeks after, i shall be looking back at this period of time, slapping myself for the ridiculous mistakes i've made this time, amused at the same time, but mostly filled with regret about the hard work i should have put in, and the things i should have clarified.

and so i was thinking about the events that took place today. years later, i shall be walking down the familiar path of pasir ris park, and will be overwhelmed with emotions by something. then i shall walk to food court at white sands and i shall be sitting at the very table that we sat down at today, thinking about today's events and laughing silently to myself about dragon's milk. next i shall be walking to the pasir ris national library, junior section, and think about how my legs cramped due to the short little chairs they have beside those short little tables. at the same time, i shall be thinking about lame jokes and little actions that took place today. all the things will come back so naturally to be, at the time where i am now imagining now to be, which i know that will be a different feeling from what i expect it to be now, just like what i am experiencing right now.

maybe i should be considering the fact that the roads and building may have been demolished already.

which is exactly the point. there aren't many things that will not change, despite the fact that i am reaching the 6th year already, including the number of things and the number of people that have come and passed through my life. i fear that i will be filled with regret as the time passed, for not working hard enough, for not being firm in my stand, for not being determined in my beliefs, for giving up the things which i am so persistent in right now.

but just like i've said, there aren't many things i can do about the mistakes i have made. careful as i try to be right now, mistakes are still being made, mistakes that i may regret in the future yet am still helpless to do anything about it. maybe by then i shall have given up the things i am striving for now, and as i reflect, i may feel stupid about throwing things away just like that, or i may also feel glad that i've thrown it away. i just don't know what to expect.

just as how i am seating here, typing away in my blog when i have made a resolution not to. i know i will live to regret this.

i am even thinking that it wouldn't matter if i didn't make it to TJC, or any other JC in particular. so this is the depth of my persistence. i am disappointed.

but things shall still carry on the way they are, until this year is over, results revealed and from there i shall make decisions. but whether this itself is a wise decision or not, is not something that i can tell right now. i can't live life without regrets-- that's just not me.

and in case you haven't heard (impossible), w-inds. new single is coming out on the 6th October!! have you seen keita's hair?? o0oo, it the 'try your emotion' hairstyle. i am in love once again.

oh, and also just in case you don't know, my wishlist is up~



『四季』


欲しかったもの　一つずつ手に入れて　その中でも
変わりのない　宝物があって
磁石みたく　訳もなく　ただ惹かれてく　心を
温め合うように　二人を包んだ 春の風

過ごした瞬間が触れた　胸に刻む君とのseasons
ずっとこの先も繰り返すと信じて

明日晴れても雨の日でも　もう今は君に会えない
共に波にさらわれた　あの夏の夢

一晩中そばにいても　またいつもの　日常に　
戻される　夜明けを恨んだり

もしもいつかこの世界の終わりが来て　それでも
二人なら一緒だと思ってた

秋の夜瞳を閉じればいつも　よみがえる君とのseasons
その温もりと痛みは消えないまま

優しさが足りなかったね　不器用な僕に残った
最後に見た思い出はあの冬の涙

so I cannot forget four seasons believe in
君がいない四季を渡るよ

so I cannot forget four seasons believe in
あの空も悲しみも抱いて

so I cannot forget four seasons believe in

過ごした瞬間が触れた　胸に刻む君とのseasons
ずっとこの先も繰り返すと信じて


明日晴れても雨の日でも　もう今は叶えられない
遠い日々に置いてきた　あの二人の夢

so I cannot forget four seasons believe in
so I cannot forget four seasons believe in




記憶は明日のために強さになるものだよ。きっと。